The Calling
by Gemmi92
Summary: "I adore you, Livia, why is that not enough for you? Why am I not enough for you?" His grip on her chin continued to increase as he forced her gaze to remain level with his. She had never seen this look of madness in his eyes before. She had never seen him look at her in such a manner. "You were always more than enough for me..." she responded. "But this is not you." Commodus/OC
1. Chapter 1

She couldn't pretend that it didn't worry her. The way he looked at the girl was terrifying, but, at the same time, it stopped him from looking at her in the exact same manner. She hated that she felt this way. She detested the fact that she was scared of her own flesh and blood. But she had seen the way he had watched her recently. She had seen how he would stand on the balcony of his chambers and peer down into the grounds, his narrow eyes set on the figure beneath.

She would pick up her glass of wine and watch her brother's back, her mind askew with thoughts. What was he doing? What was he thinking? The girl had been in their care for many years and the three of them had grown up as friends. But things had changed. Friendships blossomed into something more.

Lucilla remained mute, doing her best to work out what was happening between her brother and the blonde haired girl who, he said, resembled the beauty of the stars. The girl had blushed when he had spoken those words and taken her hand, laying a gentle kiss on her knuckles before brushing her hair from her face and leading her through the courtyard once more.

Observing the two of them interact together was intriguing and Lucilla could not deny that. So long as her brother remained infatuated with the ward, he did not have to set his eyes on his sister. She had sometimes felt him stare at her and it made her stomach churn. She hated herself for thinking in such a manner. The look of her brother should not make her nervous, nor should it make her ill. It should make her feel loved.

"You stare often, brother," she finally spoke, her hands moving to rest in the lap of the fine silk tunic she wore over her body.

He turned around then, looking to his sister as he felt his lips quirk upwards. He moved back towards the table on the vast balcony and took a seat. He sat down, his hands moving to pour himself another drink as he glanced to his sister.

"She is a beauty," he responded. "She always has been."

"She is also only here because our father took her in," she responded, eyeing him with intrigue and wondering what response she would gain from him. "You are aware that she will need to marry soon. She is of age and I am surprised father-"

"-She does not need to marry," he interrupted his sister and watched her for a few brief moments, also trying to weigh up what she was saying to him. Was she trying to dissuade him from the way he felt? He remained mute for a second; sipping on his drink and choosing which words he should speak. "Should she choose to marry, she shall be given the fortune of choosing her own betrothed. I suspect that is not a fortune afforded to many women."

"Perhaps not," she agreed with him. "However, you need to be aware that she shall not live with us forever."

"And who is to say that is not the case?" he asked and she could sense that he was getting angrier. His tone had changed and his face had slightly scrunched up. His sister sighed at hearing him. "Livia will have everything she requires under our care."

"That is the point I am trying to make," she responded. "She will not always be under our care. What if she wishes to leave? What if she wishes to make a life for herself? Have a husband and a child?"

He stood then, his volatile temper getting the better of him. Pushing the chair away, he swept from the chamber while his sister could do nothing but watch him leave. Shaking her head slowly, she moved to her feet and knew exactly where he would be going. Stepping towards the edge of the balcony, she hid behind a pillar and peered down into the garden courtyard, her eyes adjusting to the light.

It only took a moment before he made himself known. He swept into the courtyard and within a moment he was in front of the girl. She moved to her feet at the sight of him appearing so distressed, her hands moving to hold onto his upper arms as she soothingly stroked his skin, hoping to soothe him.

Lucilla took a deep breath and closed her eyes, bowing her head as she felt her chest heave. She was unsure what she should do. She knew the right thing to do. She had to save Livia before she was drawn in too deep. She should find her someone nice to marry; someone who would care for her and cherish her. The girl deserved that much. Lucilla only worried that she would descend into madness before she could be saved.

…

Livia had grown used to the sight of him appearing aggrieved. He would often appear to her, the usual expression on his face. She knew how to soothe him most of the time. There were occasions when he appeared unable to soothe and Lucilla would step in then. But Livia did her best. She did her best to say the words she knew he wanted to hear.

"Whatever is wrong?" she enquired, pushing herself to her feet from the marble bench as she took hold of his arms. He stood before her, his head bowed and his face scrunched up in a mixture of hurt and anger.

"Tell me it is not true," he urged from her, finally looking her in the eye as he spoke and she allowed herself to look confused as he spoke. "Tell me you have no intention of leaving."

Blinking profusely as she felt his hands take hold of her waist, scrunching up the silken blue tunic she wore, she watched him for a few moments before a soft smile played on her lips.

"What are you speaking of?" she asked of him.

"Is there someone you wish to wed?" he demanded and she had to do her best not to snort at his accusation. She only knew that would anger him more. She hated seeing him angry, just as he hated seeing her upset. "Is there a soldier who pleases you more than I?"

She shook her head with haste. "Commodus," she spoke his name in a gentle voice, daring to take his cheeks into her fingertips and hope that no one was watching them. "There is no one. What has made you think in such a manner?"

Commodus seemed to mellow then as he watched her, his eyes dropping down to the ground once more. It was another moment before she let her finger curl under his chin and lift his gaze back to hers, looking him in the eye.

"Why do you do this?" she whispered softly to him. "Why do you taunt yourself with false thoughts?"

"I do not," he responded to her with a shake of his head. "I simply listen to others."

Her brow furrowed as she listened to him. "Who has been speaking such things?"

Commodus was about to say, but he decided to keep quiet. He shook his head and let his hand move to her cheek, his fingers sweeping to tuck her hair behind her ear.

"No one," Commodus declared. "I simply heard rumours. I do not enjoy rumours. You know how they unnerve me."

"Well, they have no need to unnerve you," she responded to him, smiling widely and causing his own lips to quirk. Looking to him with intrigue, she moved forwards and kissed him softly on the cheek, her lips lingering for slightly too long as he exhaled a deep breath.

"No one knows, Livia," he said in a quiet voice. "No one knows how we feel."

"Perhaps they will one day," she responded.

"They shall," Commodus assured her as he continued to let the back of his hand run down her hair, feeling the soft locks tickle against his skin. "My father grows old, Livia. The Germanic tribes will be his final battle. I am certain of it."

"You can only hope that your father returns before the end of the war," Livia spoke. "He is your father, Commodus. I know that the both of you have not always…well…been able to get along, but he is still your father."

Commodus said nothing further. He did not wish to involve himself in this conversation. He did not wish to speak of his father for he did not want to find anger or sorrow swell up inside of him. He did not want Livia to see him weep over his father's lost love. Her own parents were unknown to her. They were a distant memory. She was only a four-year-old child when she lost them. Her father and mother had gone and Marcus Aurelius had been kind enough to take her into his care. How could he not? Her father was his most trusted advisor.

"Let us not speak in such a manner," Commodus urged from her, slowly running his other hand over her cheek. "Simply promise me that you shall not leave me."

"Commodus," she whispered his name. "I have no intention of leaving you."

"Good," he responded, slowly bending down to press his lips to her forehead as she closed her eyes and wondered exactly what she was thinking.

…

In the safety of Livia's chamber, Lucilla waited for the girl to return. She hoped that her brother would not dare venture with Livia into these rooms. Should he choose to do so then no doubt he would ruin the girl's reputation. On the other hand, Lucilla had a suspicion that her reputation was already on the way to being ruined. People were not blind and they gossiped. Lucilla cared not for gossip. She cared for the girl's safety.

The door to the chamber opened slowly and Lucilla moved from the shadows as Livia closed the door behind her. She jumped back slightly at the sight of Lucilla, her hand clenching her chest as the elder woman stepped forwards.

"We need to talk, Livia," she whispered hastily, holding her hands out.

Livia moved forwards and took hold of Lucilla hands, allowing her to guide her to sit on the end of her bed, crumpling the sheets. Lucilla was always kind to Livia. She had always looked out for her, but recently she seemed to change. She had begun to change at the same time that Commodus's relationship with Livia had changed.

"I know," Livia said as Lucilla took in the girl's wide eyes. "I know what you think, Lucilla."

"You do?" Lucilla asked, slightly surprised as she kept hold of her hands.

"You wish for me to stay away from Commodus," Livia said. "You know…you know that things have changed. I cannot deny that they have. Your brother will one day be Emperor and he will need to wed. No doubt he can have someone much better than an orphan like me."

"No," Lucilla said with haste, shaking her head back and forth, her hair splaying over her shoulders as she made the motion, her necklace jangling around her neck. "It is not that, Livia."

Livia frowned. "It is not?"

"No," Lucilla said. "I have not once considered your standing in the relationship you share with Commodus. It is the nature of your relationship with him that concerns me."

Livia took a moment to look down as Lucilla squeezed her hands even more tightly, forcing her to look back to her.

"You know, Livia," Lucialla whispered.

"I do not want to," Livia whispered to her. "I do not want to think such things."

"Yet you know them to be true," Lucilla said. "Livia, I have been married before. I have been married and I have known love. The way Commodus looks at you is not with adoration or tenderness. It is with a look of…I do not know…a look that worries me and I know it worries you."

Livia shook her head, gulping loudly as she heard Lucilla speak.

"No," she said with haste. "It does not worry me. I know Commodus, Lucilla. He cares for me and I care for him. He simply worries, that is all. He worries that we will not be able to be together."

Lucilla watched the girl and knew that she was lying to herself. She was trying to convince herself that everything was well and fine. She was lying to herself and they both knew it, only they did not dare admit it. It took a moment before Lucilla spoke, not wanting to scare Livia, but knowing she had to be honest.

"My brother is obsessed with you," Lucilla said. "I know how he watches you. I know how he speaks with you…how you need to assure him that there is no one else but him…how you are devoted to him. I worry that is not love, Livia."

Livia shook her head and took her hands from Lucilla's, moving so that her own hands rested in her lap. She closed her eyes and felt worry take over her as Lucilla saw the motion, knowing full well that she was now getting through to the girl.

"What else could it be?"

"Desire, lust," Lucilla spoke. "It could be many things, but I do not think it is love. I worry for you. I worry what will happen to you and to Commodus."

"And what would happen if I did marry someone else?" Livia asked. "We both know Commodus, Lucilla. I have grown with both of you. He is a good man. You know that he is a good man. He simply needs someone to care for him. He needs-"

"-He needs endless reassurances," Lucilla answered. "How many times have you told him that you care for him? How many times have you told him that you will not leave him? It is an obsession, Livia."

"It cannot be," Livia said, moving to her feet, arms folding over her waist. "It cannot be because I do love him, Lucilla. I love him and I know him. If he does not love me then I do not think that I could bear it."

Lucilla stood too, hands in front of her as she tried to take hold of Livia again, but the girl flailed from her. She shook her head as she tried to calm her breathing, knowing full well that she was struggling to maintain her composure.

"Perhaps…in his own way…he does love you," Lucilla decided. "But it is not healthy, Livia. The way he feels for you scares me. It scares me what lengths he will go to in order to keep you by his side."

"Is that not what I want?" Livia enquired back. "Do I not want for him to act in such a manner? Is that not what love is? Going to great lengths to keep the ones you love with you?"

"Perhaps," Lucilla agreed. "I only worry that he shall ruin you, Livia. I worry for you as I have grown with you. I have been by your side for years. I have adored you for years. I simply want to keep you safe."

"You do not think I am safe with your brother?"

Lucilla took a deep breath. "I fear that you may not be."

…

A/N: Let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

One Year Earlier

Livia could not pretend that things had not changed when they truly had. She was well aware that everything had changed. Innocent touches now caused her chest to heave and her heart to flutter. Brushes of her hair were enough to bring a blush to her cheek. The smile that he sent in her direction would make her avert her gaze from him, peering to the side in fear that he would know what she was thinking.

"She has turned into a fine woman."

Lucilla looked up as she heard her brother speak as they broke their fast one morning, sat at the table together. Commodus looked to his sister who, in turn, looked to the retreating figure away from the dining hall. She had barely noted Livia move to her feet and leave, but her brother clearly had.

"Livia?" Lucilla questioned as Lucius sat at his mother's side and ate silently, picking at his food as she let a hand move to his hair, stroking it on the top of his head.

"Yes, Livia," Commodus spoke, clearly agitated that his sister had not been paying attention to him. He looked to Lucilla again and arched a brow towards her. "Do you not agree?"

Lucilla nodded. "Livia has always been a lovely looking girl," she responded. "We have seen her grow. We have grown up with her, Commodus. Why do you say these things now?"

"Because it is only now when I have seen it," Commodus said. "She is still a young woman with all of her life in front of her and she not once thinks of everything that has gone wrong in her life. She is bright…energetic…"

"She has been fortunate enough to have a home with us," Lucilla said to her brother. "She has a bright future ahead of her. She is intelligent and she is beautiful."

"And her future?" Commodus wondered. "What do you mean when you speak of her future?"

"Come now, Commodus," Lucilla said, looking to her brother in an almost condescending manner as she continued to pat her son's hair down on top of his head. "You and I both know that there will be men who would love to marry her. She will make a fine wife one day."

"Perhaps she will not marry," Commodus shrugged his shoulders. "Perhaps that is not what she wishes."

Lucilla shrugged her shoulders. "I do not know what it is Livia wants from life, Commodus. Regardless, why are you thinking in such a manner? What has changed?"

"Many things have changed," Commodus said, moving to his feet. "Father has rode for war once more. Times are changing, dear sister. I can feel it."

Before Lucilla had a chance to ask what he meant by that, Commodus had left. Sweeping from the dining hall, he found himself following Livia towards the courtyard. She would often spend the majority of her time outdoors, sat in the sun and letting her memories take hold of her. She was a strange creature sometimes, informing Commodus that she would often think up imaginary scenarios. Apparently she used to do it as a child very often.

He found her sat on the marble bench in shade, her eyes closed as her hands rested behind her and held the edge of the bench she perched on. Commodus kept his gaze on her for a moment before raising his hand towards an approaching servant, informing her that he required silence. She scurried away and Commodus found himself moving towards Livia.

"Livia," he greeted her.

Opening her eyes, she sat up straight and looked to him, smiling softly.

"Commodus," she responded.

"May I sit with you?" he asked out of politeness, but he was already taking his spot next to her, his shoulder brushing against hers as he turned to the side and looked to her.

"Of course," she answered just as he finally perched on the seat. "How can I help?"

"Oh, all is well," Commodus assured her. "I simply wished to spend time in your company. Lucilla is busy with Lucius and I do not begin training until after lunch."

"You intend to train?" Livia enquired, brow arched from him and Commodus nodded in her direction, his eyes roaming over her face.

"War is raging, Livia," he reminded her and moved to brush a stray strand of hair from the corner of her face, letting it fall into place behind her shoulder. Moving his fingers to her cheek, he cupped it gently and felt the heat of her skin before he dropped his hand. "I can only imagine my father may summon for me to join him eventually."

"Do you think so?" Livia asked and Commodus let his brow arch on his forehead at hearing her, a part of him wanting to let his lips quirk too.

"Would that bother you, Livia?" he asked of her.

Livia shifted uncomfortably on the seat before looking to Commodus, her eyes meeting his blue ones as a part of her felt drawn closer to him. She inhaled a sharp breath for a moment as she let her hands come to rest in her lap, creasing the fine white silk she wore on her body. It was another second before she nodded her head.

"Of course," she answered, picking her words carefully as she spoke to him. "I would worry for your fate, Commodus."

"Why?" Commodus asked from her, moving to let his hand take hold of hers, holding it gently in his fingertips. He could hear her breathing accelerate while his other hand moved across his body to take hold of her cheek, stroking it slowly.

"Commodus," she whispered his name, closing her eyes. "We cannot do this."

"Then you have felt it too," Commodus mused. "I had wondered if it was only me who felt it, but it cannot be. Whenever I see you I can think of nothing but being near you, Livia. Whenever I touch you I feel a burning that I fear cannot be doused."

"Please," Livia urged from him, moving away from his touch, a feeling of coldness coming over her from the lack of contact. She looked into the distance, but Commodus was quick. He took hold of her cheek once more, fingers flat against her skin as he forced her to look him in the eye.

"Do not hide," he said, his tone demanding but a sense of pleading laced his words. "Livia, do not hide from me."

"But the alternative is much more alarming," Livia whispered, her breath soft as Commodus saw the look of fear in her eyes. He felt her move his hand from her cheek, taking hold of both of his hands. She moved their entwined hands to her lap, holding them tightly as Commodus continued to study her. "Commodus, I cannot live in fear of us never being able to be…to be as we are. You know, as well as I, that you will be Emperor one day. As Emperor you should marry someone much more suited than I ever shall be or could be. A daughter of a senator…or the daughter of a general…"

"No," Commodus spoke, shaking his head back and forth. "That is not what I want, Livia."

"And what do you want?" Livia enquired of him. "You are correct. The things I have been feeling as of recent are real. I do not pretend they are not."

"But?" Commodus asked from her. "I sense there is a hesitance to your comment."

"But I do not want to act on them because it scares me," Livia informed him. "It scares me that you shall find someone who you shall love more than me. It scares me that your father would disapprove of us together. It…I do not like this feeling of uncertainty."

Commodus shook his head. "No," he spoke to her in a whisper. "Nothing is uncertain, Livia. The way I feel for you shall not change. Do you not see that? I have adored you from afar for too long. I have watched you grow into a fine young woman. I have thought about ways in which I could be closer to you without appearing too suspicious…but no more…no…I want to be with you, Livia. Just say you want me and we can be that way."

Livia managed a sad smile in his direction, her lips quirking upwards and creasing as she spoke; "Do you think it is that easy?"

Commodus also smiled. "It is as easy as you are willing to make it, my sweet Livia," he informed her. "Just say yes."

"I want to," Livia assured him, moving their entwined hands towards her lips, kissing the back of his hands as he swept down to brush their foreheads together. "Commodus, I long to say yes."

"Then say it," he whispered, the voice he used husky as he peeled his eyes open and studied her, his eyes taking in every detail of her face. He had no idea how he would feel if she rejected him. He looked at her as though she was the only thing that mattered to him. It was intense.

"If I say yes," Livia whispered to him, "then we need time. We need to stay hidden…I do not want people to whisper, Commodus. I do not want them to speak of us as though they know us."

Commodus nodded his head. "Of course," he spoke. "I would give you anything, Livia. After all these years you must know that?"

Nodding her head towards him, she pecked him on the cheek. "Just as I would do for you."

…

Lucilla stood back at a distance with Livia, both the woman stood in the training courtyard, enjoying the sun. Lucilla had her arm inside of Livia's both the women watching on as Commodus trained under the blistering heat. The soldiers surrounding him were quite clearly not trying their best, but they did not dare tell Commodus that. They were scared of the man's temper. They were terrified of what he might be able to do to them.

"I see the way you watch him," Lucilla said before urging Livia to walk, dragging her gaze away from Commodus, the sight of him shirtless enough to make her blush as she looked down to the ground. "And I see the way he watches you."

"Time has changed us," Livia whispered to Lucilla. "He has changed and the way I see him has changed."

"I can tell from the reddening of your cheeks, Livia," Lucilla declared and the girl seemed to blush even harder as Lucilla teased her. "I have seen the way you have watched him, just as I have noticed the way he has watched you."

"Are we that obvious?" Livia enquired as they continued their walk.

"No," Lucilla responded. "It is only because I know both of you that I see it. My brother confirmed it for me this morning. He informed me how he thought that you had turned into a fine young woman and I pieced it together. The lingering touches and glances make it seem so obvious now."

"I do not know what to do, Lucilla," Livia admitted in a hushed tone, well aware that servants and members of the senate could appear at any given moment. It unnerved her, truth be known. "I told him how I felt and he assured me that we would be able to keep everything private."

"Yet you are not convinced?" Lucilla asked back.

"Not entirely," Lucilla admitted. "I am an orphan, Lucilla. Your father was kind enough to take me in when my fate would have been much worse had he left me. Your father is a kind, yet strong man."

"And you worry he would not approve of your relationship with Commodus?"

Livia bit down on her lip and shrugged her shoulders. "It is not only that," she responded. "Commodus will one day become Emperor. What if someone else should catch his eye? What if someone prettier or more suited comes along?"

Lucilla frowned for a moment. "You do not think that my brother would be loyal to you?"

"No," Livia said, realising how her comment must have come across. "It is not that, Lucilla. I trust Commodus. How can I not? I only worry that as Emperor he should have someone better than me and he may come to realise that one day."

Lucilla shook her head. "I do not think so," she declared. "But I understand your concerns and I believe that it may be wise for the both of you to keep this relationship quiet for the time being while my father is away."

"I understand," Livia said. "Thank you, Lucilla."

"Whatever for?"

"For speaking to me and keeping me sane. I do not know what I would do without you."

….

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

Settling down at the grand dining table, Livia looked over the platters of food in front of them, her eyes glancing over to Commodus. She said nothing as she felt him watching her back, his stare intense and his eyes piercing. She felt herself warm up before looking away from his eyes, her hand going to her hair and brushing it behind her ear.

Lucilla watched on for a moment as her son dug into the food, oblivious to what was happening in front of him. Lucilla wished that she too could be oblivious. A part of her was pleased that her brother seemed to have found someone he might be able to love in the future. Oftentimes it had worried Lucilla when he was around her. She would feel his eyes on her and she did not know what he thought. But now his eyes were on only one other.

"How was training this afternoon, brother?" Lucilla enquired, unable to take anymore of the silence at the dining table. Looking to her brother, she arched a brow as he reluctantly peeled his eyes from Livia and allowed them to land on his sister.

"It went well," Commodus nodded his head. "I only wonder if I shall see the battlefield with father one day."

"Do you wish to see battle, uncle?" Lucius was the one to ask, the fair-haired child looking to his uncle with wide eyes as Commodus smiled over to his nephew. He had always felt a strong adoration for the young boy.

"Perhaps one day," Commodus responded as Lucius nodded.

"I want to see battle too," Lucius said and Lucilla resisted the urge to balk at such a statement. Her son was still young and he had a lot to learn in his future. He did not know what he said. He was young and naïve. "I want to help grandfather kill the barbarians."

"Well, you are much too young to think in such a manner," Lucilla said, her voice not entire strict, but rather stern as Livia remained mute, listening to the family as they conversed.

"One day I will not be," Lucius spoke.

"No," Commodus shook his head. "One day you will be a grown man and there will be plenty of time for you to enter battle."

"I think that I would brave," Lucius declared with a nod of his head while Commodus sipped on his drink. "I think that I would be brave and I would be just like a great soldier."

"Perhaps one day," Lucilla said, hoping for the conversation to end.

As soon as they had finished dining, Lucilla took Lucius, informing him that he should prepare himself for bed. Servants entered the dining hall and took away the platters while Commodus and Livia remained sat across from each other. Commodus still held his cup of wine, sipping on it occasionally while Livia tangled her fingers into her lap, looking down to them, well aware that Commodus was gazing at her.

Only once the last servant had been dismissed did he move towards Livia. He took his sister's vacant seat, sitting down next to her as he moved his hand to hold onto her cheek, urging her to look to him. The heat of her skin burned his touch and the scent of her wafted into his nose, truly allowing him to surround himself with her. The coldness of his rings helped to cool her slightly as she moved her hand to rest on top of his, taking his fingers into hers and peeling them from her skin, kissing the back of his hand tenderly.

"I thought that they would never leave," Commodus spoke in a hushed voice.

"You were hardly subtle, Commodus," Livia informed him.

"Why should I be subtle?" Commodus enquired from her. "I am to be Emperor, Livia. I shall be seen with whom I choose and the Senate shall have to cope. Besides, most of them have mistresses of their own."

Livia arched an eyebrow in his direction. "And I am to be a mistress?" she wondered and Commodus shook his head, frowning as he knew that he had said the wrong thing. He took hold of both of her hands and looked her in the eye, any ounce of kindness gone as he remained serious.

"Livia, you would be my wife," Commodus declared, voice stubborn and stern. "The people of Rome would love you, just as they will love me when the time comes. You will stand by my side proudly and not once would I dishonour you."

Livia knew that Commodus meant only to speak to her with passion, but a hint of his tone was enough to make her wonder why he was acting in such an intense manner. She did not wish to think of things such as marriage or Commodus being the Caesar just yet.

"I know," Livia said, forcing herself to smile as she heard him and she quickly went to kiss him on the cheek. "I believe everything you say, Commodus. Let us not dwell on such things."

Commodus nodded his head and Livia wondered what impact she had on him. She moved slowly to her feet and Commodus also made the same motion. He held his arm out for Livia, allowing her to take hold of it. She wrapped her arm into his and they began moving towards the balcony.

"The politicians are corrupt," Commodus declared to Livia. "Everyone in the senate cannot be trusted. I know that when the times come they will long for a Republic over an Emperor. I only know for certain that they cannot be trusted with Rome. They will not care for her like I will."

Livia frowned. "How do you know this?" she asked as they moved to the balcony and Commodus let her remove her arm from his, her hands going to hold onto the ledge of the balcony as Commodus made the same motion.

"Because I hear whispers," Commodus declared. "I hear rumours and I know them to be true rumours. I do not know what more I can do, Livia."

"Commodus, there is nothing you should do," she urged from him, her hand running down his arm. "Your father fights a war and the Senate should concentrate on that. You should also focus on such things."

"The war," Commodus scoffed, bowing his head as he slouched slightly against the stone he rested on, eyes closed and mind on the war. Livia looked down to him for a second before peering out, her eyes meeting the Coliseum for a second. "Lucius speaks of going to war as though it is simple. He speaks of bravery as though it is not also stupidity. I know why my father dislikes me so, Livia. He does not see me as a son."

"Commodus," Livia was appalled at the way he spoke and he looked over to her, eyes wide and she wet. She didn't entirely know what to do. She had heard Commodus speak of how he and his father did not see eye to eye, but she had never heard him speak like this. "What makes you speak such words?"

"The truth," Commodus responded. "We both know that is the truth, Livia. Each day that passes I know that the war draws to a close, but each day I thank the Gods that I do not need to be there. I thank the Gods that I do not fight in battle alongside my father."

"You are needed in Rome, Commodus," Livia said. "Your father understands that you need to be here. Your place is here."

"I have no courage on the battlefield, Livia," Commodus said to her. "The idea of going to war is not one I wish to entertain and the idea of never returning from war is an even worse thought. But I know that is why my father will never love me like a son. He will never adore me."

"Commodus, that is not true," Livia said.

"Is it not?" Commodus enquired. "Then why have I never felt his love? Why have I never been able to please him? He writes and tells me of Maximus and how his bravery in the battlefield will save Rome, but he not once speaks of me in such a manner."

"But you cannot think that he does not love you," Livia responded with a small shake of her head. "Commodus, I never truly knew my father. I do not remember him. All I know is that your father does love you. There may be disagreements between both of you, but that does not mean that he does not love you."

Commodus looked to Livia, his hand moving to take hold of hers, his fingers toying with hers gently. She wondered if she had managed to speak sense into him, but a part of her was not sure. She did not entirely know if Commodus was able to put aside these thoughts inside of his mind. She only wished that he was.

"You see the best in everyone," Commodus whispered, his voice slightly in awe. "You long to see the good in everything."

"Because no one is perfect, Commodus," she responded. "If we look for the bad in everyone then what hope do we have?"

Commodus nodded. "But I see no bad in you," he informed her.

She scoffed and shook her head. "Believe me, Commodus, I am less than perfect."

"Not to me," he answered and she looked him in the eye once more, a feeling of intensity taking hold of her as she did so.

She didn't know exactly what was happening as she felt Commodus move his free hand to brush her hair behind her shoulder. He leant forwards and she closed her eyes, anticipation taking a hold of her as she felt his lips press against his. She kept her eyes shut, the sensation overwhelming as her hand squeezed onto his. He pulled back after a second, not wishing to overpower her as he watched for her reaction, yet her eyes remained closed.

"You are the only one who understand me, Livia," he informed her in a whisper. "You are the only one who knows me."

Livia peeled her eyes open as he looked to her.

"Promise me that you will never leave me," he urged from her.

"I promise," she whispered out to him.

"Good," Commodus smiled.

…

Livia knew how Commodus hardly slept at night. When everyone else peacefully rested, Commodus struggled to sleep. Lucilla had a tonic to help him, but sometimes Commodus did not care to take it. Sometimes he did not wish to sleep. He would sit in the darkness, the candles around him the only source of light. But recently he had found himself wandering the corridors until he was outside of Livia's door. He would stand by the door and long to go in, wondering how she looked when she slept. Did she sleep peacefully? Did she toss and turn? Commodus wondered all the time during the evening.

But that night, after his lips had met hers, he entered her chamber. It was still light enough for him to see without a candle. He pushed the door open and entered, letting the door close behind him. He saw her in the bed, the covers pulled up to her chin. Her hair was splayed on her pillow and she rested on her side, one arm hanging out of the bed while the other rested on her side. Commodus had to admit that he had never seen her appear less graceful. Her mouth was slightly open and her eyes scrunched shut.

She did not look like Lucilla when she slept. His sister always seemed to sleep on her back, looking ethereal with her eyes closed. Livia looked nothing like that. Yet Commodus found it enchanting. He stood and watched over her for a few moments, wondering what it would feel like to hold her in his arms. Would she help him sleep? Would she chase the nightmares away?

He wondered if he would find out in time.

Leaving her alone, Commodus closed the door once more and slunk back down the corridors, unaware that his sister had been watching his every movement from the shadows, worrying taking over her as to what her brother was thinking.

...

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

Lucilla had observed her brother over the coming weeks, her mind caught up in her thoughts. She didn't know what he was thinking, but she knew who consumed his thoughts. She had noted the way he watched Livia whenever they were in each other's company. He quite clearly adored the young woman and she too adored him. What worried Lucilla was the depth of Commodus's affections.

She had seen him slip into Livia's room in the dead of the night, but she did not know what to say to him. She did not know how to tell her brother that he was risking Livia's reputation should anyone see him. Lucilla did not want the two of them to end up hurt by what they were feeling. It worried her that their father would not permit him to marry Livia. There was always the chance that Commodus would be required to marry someone of a better political standing; someone who could help build alliances.

Livia might have been their father's advisor's daughter, but she was still an orphan. She had no dowry, nor did she have any powerful connections. She truly was alone. Yet Commodus did not see it that way. He knew that his father was dying. He knew that it would not be long before their father had passed and the Gods have taken him. If he did not allow for Commodus to marry prior to that event, then he would simply wait. He would be Caesar one day. He would have the power. The Senate would be unable to tell him what to do.

"Livia."

Commodus had been trapped inside of his own thoughts that he had barely noticed the woman perch down next to him on the bench in the courtyard. She smiled to him as he greeted her, moving her hand to quickly squeeze his while no one was watching them.

"Commodus," she responded. "I feel as though it has been a long time since we have been alone together."

"You would be correct," Commodus nodded his head to her. "However, I admit that I have been busy. I should have made more time for you."

"Oh no, that is not what I meant," Livia responded, shaking her head back and forth, the smile not once leaving her face. Commodus wondered how she managed to remain so cheery all of the time. She rarely looked downtrodden. "I understand that you are busy, Commodus. Besides, I have been spending time with your sister and nephew. He is a very kind young boy."

Commodus nodded, his own lips quirking upwards. "That he is," he agreed with her. "However, I confess myself jealous, Livia. I would much rather be the one spending time with you."

Her smile seemed to widen even further as she looked down to her lap, clearly trying her best to hide her reddening cheeks. But Commodus adored the way his words had such an effect on her. He never wanted her to hide from him. Lifting her gaze up to his, Commodus curled a finger underneath her chin and drew himself closer to her, sliding along the bench.

"You are stunning when you blush," he admitted to her.

She looked away once more, her eyes shifting to the side. "Are you trying to embarrass me?" she questioned from him and he chuckled again at hearing her.

"I only mean to flatter you," he responded, honesty apparent in his voice as he watched her with intrigue. "I only ever mean to make you realise how important I consider you."

"Just as I consider you important," she replied. "But I do have a question."

"What is it?" Commodus asked of her.

She looked slightly concerned then, her hand moving to take his from her chin, her fingers enveloping into his as she kissed the back of his hand. She kept his fingers in her grip, hoping that no one stumbled upon them at that moment. She suspected that Commodus had told everyone to leave them be while he spoke with Livia.

"Livia," Commodus spoke her name. "You can ask me anything. You know that."

Livia nodded. "I know," she told him, her other hand coming to hold his one. "I just do not want to anger you or upset you."

Commodus smirked. "I doubt you could do anything as such," he assured her.

"I think that I could," she replied. "However, it is about the other week. It is about what you said to me…about your father…"

Commodus did feel his lips drop into a frown then and his jaw clenched. He didn't want to particularly discuss this with her. He didn't want to discuss his father and sour what had been a perfectly pleasant day. It took him another moment before he shook his head.

"I do not wish to speak of this."

"No," Livia said. "It is just that…it keeps playing in my mind, Commodus. I want you to be happy. I will always want you to be happy. I just think that, perhaps, you could…I do not know…maybe there is a way to make things right? Maybe it is possible for you and your father to move on from this?"

Commodus shook his head. "I would not know what to do, Livia," he informed her in a taut tone. "I have tried everything to make him proud of me, yet he still will not embrace me as a son. He will not send for me to join him in battle. He does not see me as his equal. It pains me, Livia. It pains me beyond anything I have known."

Livia nodded, seeming to understand what Commodus was telling her. It took her a couple of moments before she dared to chew down on her bottom lip. It was then when she dared to move towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck as she embraced him to her, holding him tightly. Commodus was slightly taken back at the bold movement, his spine stiffening for a moment.

He moved his arms tentatively then, his arms wrapping around her waist and holding onto her. Closing his eyes, he let his arm snake up her back until one of his hands was holding onto the back of her neck, his fingers cupping her head.

"Your father is frail, Commodus," she whispered. "I do not want him to pass with you feeling like this."

"I fear that there is nothing more to it," Commodus responded.

"What if you write to him?" Livia wondered from him. "What if you simply write him a letter and tell him how you feel?"

Commodus scoffed, moving a hand up her waist until his fingers palmed her cheek. "Do you think that he would care?" he asked of her.

"I think that he would," Livia nodded. "Your father is not heartless, Commodus. I just think that it might help both of you. I want to help. I always want to help you."

Commodus nodded, wishing to appease Livia. He did not wish to pursue the subject any further. He would prefer to spend his time simply enjoying her company. He did not wish to see her work herself up over his issues with his father. She was far too important for that.

Nodding his head, Commodus concurred with her. "Perhaps I shall," he said. "Maybe it will make things seem better."

She smiled at him then, nodding her head before pecking him on the cheek. "You can only try."

…

"Commodus."

Lucilla spoke her brother's name as she retired for her chambers that evening. She had been on her way to bed after putting Lucius to speak when she had seen her brother. He was walking in the direction of Livia's chambers. Lucilla had sat back and been lenient, but she could no longer let her brother act in such a manner.

"Sister," Commodus responded to her.

"Where are you going?" Lucilla enquired from him.

Commodus remained stood still, his hands clasping together behind his back. He said nothing and Lucilla sighed. He did not even have the decency to try to lie to her.

"You cannot keep doing this," she whispered to him. "If someone sees you then you may scandalise her. You cannot risk that, Commodus."

He shook his head in response. "I would never risk her reputation," he responded. "Regardless, how did you know that I have been going to her chambers?"

Lucilla almost wanted to scoff at hearing him. Shaking her head, she chewed down on her tongue, picking her words carefully before speaking:

"I have seen you," she said. "But that is not the point, Commodus. You should not be doing this. Livia is a young woman and both of you are not officially engaged. What if father tells you he disapproves of your relationship? Commodus, you need to think of such things."

Commodus shook his head. "No, I do not," he replied with haste, shaking his head quickly. "I will be with Livia. The two of us shall be together."

"Commodus," Lucilla sighed her brother's name. "Please, think rationally. Livia is a kind and beautiful young woman. I understand why you are besotted with her, just as she is besotted with you. I just wish for both of you to be careful. Please, brother, can you just be careful?"

Commodus forced himself to swallow the response he wished to spit out to his sister. Instead he nodded his head.

"She calms me," Commodus admitted, looking in the direction of the chamber that Livia slept in. "Being in her presence soothes me. You know how I feel about sleep, Lucilla. You understand my fear of the dark."

"I understand," Lucilla nodded. "Allow me to make you a tonic and help you sleep, brother. Leave Livia to her dreams."

"So long as mine do not plague me," Commodus agreed with his sister and she forced herself to smile before leading her brother back to his own chambers and away from Livia.

…

Commodus sat at his desk, thinking of writing to his father when Livia walked in. She was dressed in a light blue, her complexion fair and her hair piled up on top of her head. She wandered forwards and towards Commodus, bending down behind him and kissing him chastely on the cheek, her hands holding onto his shoulders.

"Good morning," she whispered into his ear.

"Good morning, my love," Commodus spoke back, the affectionate term slipping from his lips before he could stop it. It seemed so natural to him to speak of her in such a manner. He took hold of her hands on his shoulders as she kept her cheek by his.

"What are you writing?" she enquired of him. "Lucilla said you have not broke your fast this morning."

"I do not find myself hungry," Commodus admitted to Livia. "I am taking your advice. I am writing to my father."

Livia smiled then and kissed him on the cheek once more. "Then I shall leave you to it."

"Stay," Commodus urged of her before she could move away, his hands holding onto hers tighter. "I will be done momentarily and then I can come with you for a walk."

She nodded. "If you are certain?"

"Of course," he nodded his head.

He let go of one of her hands and went back to writing. He finished his letter and did his best not to think of it for the rest of the day. Leaving the letter on the desk, he would have it sent later on. If only he knew the response that he would receive. It would lead to the downfall of everything.

….

A/N: Please do let me know what you think if you are reading this!


	5. Chapter 5

Livia wondered what had happened for Commodus to act in the way he was acting. He was miserable and snappy. He would spend no time with her nor would he look in her direction. She would dine with both him and Lucilla, alongside Lucius, but Commodus would not look at her. He would ignore her and then leave the room. Livia wondered what she had done.

Lucilla had seen the young woman struggle to hide her emotions once Commodus walked away. Long gone was the loving Commodus who would do everything in his power to keep Livia happy. Lucilla had no idea what had happened nor did she broach the topic with Commodus. Instead she went to seek out Livia after they had finished dining that evening.

Livia had watched Commodus walk away with her eyes wide and tears brimming. She had excused herself and fled to her chambers. Lucilla had told Lucius to go and ready himself for bed before following Livia to her chambers. She didn't bother to knock on the door, instead she let herself in.

Slipping through the small crack in the door, Lucilla closed the door and saw Livia sat at the end of her bed, her knees against her chest and her arms hooked around her knees. She had her cheek pressed to her kneecaps and her body shook gently.

Lucilla came to sit by Livia's side, wrapping an arm over her shoulders as the young woman continued to sob. Livia leaned against Lucilla as Lucilla tried to soothe her, hushing in her ear and squeezing her shoulder while her other hand came across her body to rest on one of Livia's hands.

"What have I done?" Livia whispered, her voice breaking as her cheeks reddened and she continued to cry. "What did I ever do to him, Lucilla? Why will he not look at me?"

"I do not know, Livia," Lucilla responded and Livia struggled to remain coherent. "I do not know what has happened. He will no speak to me either."

"I do not understand," Livia continued to wail. "I have tried to talk to him, but he ignores me. He does not listen to me. He will not acknowledge my existence. I…I do not understand, Lucilla. I do not understand."

"Hush now," Lucilla whispered in a gentle tone. "Do not worry, Livia. I will speak with him. You will have done nothing to him. You…you could never have done anything to him. You are too nice, Livia. You know how Commodus is. You know how he can be. He can be a nightmare."

"But he cannot even look at me, Lucilla," Livia spoke once more. "He has never acted like this to me…even when we were children…he…why is he doing this? What have I done to him?"

"I doubt you have done anything," Lucilla said in a soft voice as Livia picked her head up and looked to the older woman sat next to her. Lucilla moved to brush Livia's hair from her face, tucking the strands behind her ears as she cradled her cheeks. "Commodus can be a petulant child sometimes. We both know that, Livia. I shall find out what troubles him."

Livia sniffed and was about to protest, wondering if it would be best for her not to know what was wrong with him. Instead she chewed down on her bottom lip and looked away, turning her head to the side as Lucilla saw the worry in her motions. Standing to her feet, Livia wrapped one arm around her waist while the other held her chin. Wandering towards the balcony in her chamber, she peered outside as she leant against a column.

"I am devoted to him," Livia whispered and Lucilla strained to hear her. "How I feel for him scares me more than I can even care to admit. I adore him…I will always adore him…and I could never imagine treating him in such a manner."

Lucilla felt sorrow bubble inside of her as she too moved to her feet. She would sort this mess out before it could escalate any further. She moved to Livia and placed a hand on her shoulder, holding onto it for a few moments before walking from the chamber and leaving her alone.

Seeking Commodus proved to be easy. She found him on the balcony of his chamber, brooding as he leant against the stone wall on the edge. His eyes were fixed over the sight of Rome, the Coliseum visible in the distance. It took a few moments for Lucilla to comprehend what she was witnessing, but then it twigged. Her brother was hurting. The sight of his red eyes as he turned to face his sister told her that much. He had a piece of parchment in his fingertips, his grip on it tight and intense.

"We need to talk," Lucilla informed him.

He shook his head. "There is nothing to discuss."

Lucilla scoffed and finally came to stand besides her brother. "On the contrary, there is much to discuss."

"No," Commodus shook his head.

"Do not hide from me, brother," Lucilla demanded from him. "I know that something troubles you and I suspect that it is written in that piece of parchment."

Commodus shook his head once again. "It is not."

"Why do you lie to me?" Lucilla demanded of her brother. "More importantly, why do you lie to Livia?"

He winced at the sound of her name and turned his face away, looking over the views in front of him instead. His teeth ground together as Lucilla remained inquisitive, her gaze fixated on her brother.

"She is in her chamber sobbing," Lucilla said, looking for any change in his expression. He seemed to soften, his eyes closing as a short breath escaped his lips. "She does not understand what she could have possibly done for you to treat her as you have been doing. She will not sleep. She hardly eats. She sits and pines for your company."

Lucilla almost thought of how morbidly depressing that all sounded. She was doing her best to comprehend how much more she could take. Her brother and Livia were like children in the middle of an argument and she already had one child to take care of. She did not need two more. The two of them needed to resolve their differences. Of course, that was proving difficult due to the fact that Livia did not know why Commodus was so enraged.

"What has she done to you, Commodus?" Lucilla whispered, her eyes scrunched up and eyebrows knitted together. "What could she possibly have done?"

Commodus ground his teeth together. "She made me do this," Commodus spoke, thrusting the letter towards his sister. She took hold of it and saw the familiar signature at the bottom. It was their father. "She made me write to him and this is the response I received."

Lucilla's eyes scanned the parchment in front of her. Their father had written to Commodus and on the parchment was a list. He had titled it 'the four chief virtues.' It took Lucilla a few moments to read through them and then she looked to Commodus.

"He detests me," Commodus spoke in a hiss. "He wrote those virtues and he knew that I had none of them. He knew, yet he still sent me that letter."

"Commodus," Lucilla sighed. "I do not think that is-"

"-It is exactly what he meant to do," Commodus interrupted. "He wants me to know how I disappoint him. He wants me to understand that I do not have his love. I never have had his love. He saved that for everyone but me."

Lucilla resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "I do not think that is so, Commodus," she spoke. "He is simply saying what he thinks will make a great leader. Perhaps it is so that you can learn? Our father could never be so cruel. He loves both of us."

"No," Commodus said, snatching the parchment back and storming off, his hands by his sides as he went. "I see now, Lucilla. I see it very clearly."

Lucilla continued to frown. "Even if this is the way that you feel," she began in a soft tone, "why are you punishing Livia? She adores you."

Commodus scoffed and moved into his chamber, tossing the parchment down onto his desk before moving through the room. He held his hands behind his back and did his best to comprehend what he was thinking. His thoughts for Livia had turned dark recently. He detested himself for them, but he could not stop. He could not stop thinking of her betraying him eventually.

"She does not know me," Commodus spoke.

"Stop this," Lucilla said, tired of listening to him. "Livia knows you and she cares deeply for you. Why are you doing this to her?"

"Because she did this to me," Commodus responded, pointing at himself as he did so. "She told me to write to father and explain how I feel. I received this in return. If I had not listened to her then I would never know…truly…how much father despises me."

Lucilla was shocked that her brother could possibly think such a thing. Shaking her head back and forth as she stood in his chamber, she watched him hunch over his desk, his eyes set on the surface beneath him.

"She was not to know that this would happen," Lucilla declared. "She was not to know, Commodus. How could you possibly think so poorly of her?"

"Because I was happy," Commodus snarled. "I was happy before she persuaded me to send that letter."

"And you can be happy now," Lucilla informed her brother. "You need to push your pride aside, Commodus. Do you intend to ignore her forever? Do you enjoy making her feel this way? Pushing her away will not help you."

Commodus did not enjoy admitting that his sister was right, yet she was. She was terribly correct. Commodus remained silent for a few moments, his hands balling into fists by his sides as he thought of Livia. Would he need to apologise to her? Would she understand why he had acted in such a manner? Or would she not forgive him?

"You owe her an apology," Lucilla declared. "If you believe that she is the one at fault here then you are mistaken, Commodus. You are terribly mistaken."

Lucilla left the room, knowing that her brother would go back to his silent brooding. She had no time for humouring him, nor did she want to. She looked over her shoulder to see him at his desk still before slipping out and towards her own chambers.

Commodus remained stood where he was, his mind allowing him to think of what he should do. He knew that he had been full of anger, but perhaps he had misplaced that anger. Perhaps Livia was not the one to blame. He suspected there was only one person to blame, but he was so desperate for his love that he didn't want to place any blame on him in the slightest.

...

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

Commodus knew that he had to speak to Livia. He was well aware that she deserved the truth from him. The following morning after his sister had spoken to him, he had sought her out. He found her in the gardens, perched on a bench and enjoying the sun. Her hair had been half pinned back while some had been left flowing down her back. She wore light blue, as usual, her hands holding each other in her lap.

Moving towards her, Commodus sunk down next to her without asking permission. She lifted her gaze as she felt him near her. He looked to her, seeing that her eyes were wet and her cheeks red and stained. Moving with haste, he took hold of her cheeks, his thumbs roaming over her skin to wipe away the tears. Livia was shocked at his sudden movement, but she did not push him away.

"What troubles you so much, my love?" Commodus asked and Livia's brows knitted together as she looked to him. Biting down on her lip, she remained silent as Commodus continued to watch her, the back of one of his hands moving to roam her cheek.

"Need you truly ask?" Livia enquired from him. "Do you not know?"

Commodus almost had the decency to look ashamed as he heard her answer. Nodding his head once, he kept silent for a few moments before he felt her move his hands from her, her fingers taking hold of his wrists to place his hands back down in his lap.

"I know what I have done, my sweet Livia," Commodus informed her. "I know that I have hurt you and I am sorry. I am so sorry. You should know that it is never you who I wish to hurt…anyone else…but not you…never you."

"Then why did you?" Livia enquired of him. "Why have you been unable to look at me without acting as though you wish me dead."

Commodus reacted with haste then, grabbing hold of her hands and holding onto them tightly as Livia waited for him to explain why he had acted in such a manner. He remained mute for a second before he nodded to himself, realising that he owed Livia an explanation. He only hoped that she would accept it.

"My father responded to the letter I wrote," Commodus admitted to her. "He wrote and his words did not comfort me. They did the opposite, in fact. He listed the virtues needed to make a great ruler…all virtues that he knows I do not possess…he wrote those words so that I could understand I would never be good enough for him."

Livia shook her head at hearing him. "I do not think that to be true," she said, her mind going back to his feelings and forgetting her own. "I do not think he would be so cruel. Perhaps he was only listing them to make you realise that you have the potential to be a great leader."

"I do not think so," Commodus responded. "Regardless, I blamed you for the letter and I was wrong, Livia. I should never have blamed you. I was foolish and naïve and I see that now."

Livia took her hands from him, a look of hurt crossing her features as she moved back on the bench and away from Commodus. "Me?" she asked from him. "Why would you blame me for your father's response?"

"Because you were the one who told me that I should write to him," Commodus said as it that was a logical explanation. Livia shook her head slowly as Commodus continued to speak, hoping that she would understand him. "I blamed you for persuading me to send the letter. If I had never have sent it then he would never have sent one back. Do you not see, Livia? Everything would have been fine…I would never have known…or been hurt…"

"You are hurt?" she echoed back to him, moving to stand up from the bench, her hand going to hold onto her chest. "And do I not factor into your feelings anywhere?"

"Of course you do," Commodus said, finding that his teeth were gritting together as he listened to her and he stood too.

"Then why did you act so cruelly towards me?" she demanded from him. "I wanted you to be happy. I thought that writing to your father would make you happy…I thought that it might help. I did not know what response you would receive. I never knew. Even so, you should have come to me and told me instead of ignoring me…treating me like I did not exist…hurting my feelings…did you ever think about that, Commodus?"

Commodus remained mute for a second before nodding. "I was hurt, Livia. I was hurt and angry."

"And you took out your anger on me?" Livia checked. "What had I done to deserve that, Commodus? I have done nothing but adore you…stand by your side…and you acted so coldly towards me. You treated me like I was nothing."

Commodus moved with haste, taking hold of her by the upper arms, holding onto her tightly as she squirmed in his grip, trying to free herself, but he was quick. He took hold of her wrists and held them in his fingers, raising her arms in the air as she continued to flail, wanting to get away from him as she continued to sob loudly.

"You are everything," Commodus responded to her. "Livia, you are everything to me. Can you not understand that? Would I have been so upset with you if you meant nothing to me?"

"That makes no sense," Livia snapped back at him, her voice raising an octave or two. "You do not treat the people you care for like you did."

"Why will you not accept my apology?" he demanded from her. "What more do you want for me to do, Livia? I said that I was sorry."

"I do not want to talk to you right now," Livia snarled at him, her voice harsh and low as she watched him for a moment, still trying to escape his grip.

"You will stay and talk with me," Commodus said and Livia stopped her movements, unable to comprehend what he had just said to her. He moved quickly, taking her by surprise as he dropped her hands and then moved his to grab the back of her neck, pulling her to him as his lips pressed against hers.

Livia remained in shock at his bold movements, her mind whirling as she did her best to comprehend what he was doing. She remained still as Commodus kissed her deeply, his hands curled into the back of her hair and pulling at the pins keeping her hair from her face. It was only after a moment when he pulled away from her and she bowed her head, a sense of shame taking over her. He should not be able to have his way. He should not be able to treat her as he did and kiss her, thinking that she forgave him.

"I thought that you were mine, Livia," Commodus informed her. "I thought that you would always be mine."

Livia remained mute for a second. "That does not mean that you can treat me in such a manner," she said and Commodus almost wanted to kiss her again to make her understand. "I will not allow it, Commodus."

Commodus was about to ask who she thought she was, but she was too busy rushing away from him. She had picked her skirts up and was running inside. Commodus watched her go, his teeth grinding together as he did his best to stop his hands from clenching into fists as he watched her leave.

…

Lucilla had been sat with Lucius when Livia had rushed into the dining hall. She moved around the pillar and into view, her hand covering her mouth as Lucilla stood up and urged Lucius to leave. Moving over to the young woman, Livia wrapped her up into her arms, holding onto her as Livia kept her hands over her mouth, her body shaking as she sobbed.

"Livia, what is it?" Lucilla asked, holding her tightly and hoping that she could stop her from sobbing. "Talk to me, Livia."

"Commodus," she managed to speak his name. "He told me why he was angry."

"He did?" Lucilla checked. "He told me last night and I told him not to be so petty. Did he apologise to you?"

"Yes," Livia nodded. "Well…yes…but he…he did not understand why I was in turn angry with him. He did not see why his actions would hurt me and then he…he changed, Lucilla."

Lucilla frowned, moving to wipe away the girl's tears with her thumbs. "What did he do to you?" she asked, her voice forceful as a part of her began to fear the worst for the young woman. "Livia, what did he do?"

"He…he said that I was his," Livia whispered. "He kissed me and I did not expect it. I did not want him to, but he…it was like I belonged to him, Lucilla. It was almost as though I was his to do as he pleased with…to act how he wanted…"

Lucilla sighed and guided Livia to sit down, holding onto her hands as they perched in the chairs by the table. Lucilla kept hold of the young woman as she sniffed, trying to control her tears.

"I know Commodus," Lucilla informed her. "I know what he is like and I know that he can be possessive, especially over you. I have seen how he looks at you and I have seen how he acts around you. He needs affection from those he holds dear and I believe he holds you very dearly to him. He does not like the idea of you being angry with him."

"But I am," Livia said. "Simply because he does not wish me to be angry does not mean I can stop feeling the way I do."

"And I know that," Lucilla promised her. "But he does not."

"I…he has my devotion," Livia whispered. "Why does he feel the need to act as he does? Why can he not understand that I am going nowhere?"

"Because, deep down, he insecure," Lucilla said. "Livia, I know you care for him, but a part of me is concerned for you. What if he continues to act like this? Is that fair for you?"

Livia shrugged her shoulders. "I do not know what to do."

"You need not do anything," she said with a shake of her head. "I want you to think about what it is that you truly long for. I want you to think about whether or not you can be with Commodus."

"I want that," Livia said without missing a beat. "I want him, but I want him to be the Commodus that I know, not the one I have seen today."

Lucilla nodded. "But I do not know if that is possible, Livia."

Beofre Livia could reply, the footsteps they heard grew louder and Livia saw Commodus come into view. Livia looked away as Lucilla moved to her feet and Commodus continued walking towards them.

"Commodus, this is not a good time," Lucilla informed her brother and he shook his head at her.

"Yes, it is," he replied to her. "I need to talk to Livia."

"Livia is upset," Lucilla said with haste, touching his shoulder to stop him from moving closer. "Just give her some time, Commodus. Please."

"Livia, talk to me," Commodus said, speaking to her over his sister's shoulder. "Please, my love, come and talk to me."

"Commodus," Lucilla urged him to stop as Livia looked away from him. "Please, just leave her alone for a little while."

Commodus saw that Livia was avoiding him. She was too preoccupied with glancing over to the balcony instead. She kept her lips pursed and her eyes were still wide and puffy. Commodus stopped fighting his sister as he watched the woman he adored unable to look at him. Backing away, he nodded his head.

"I will be back this evening," he informed her. "I expect to talk then."

Livia glowered at him as he turned around and walked away, her mind struggling to comprehend what she would say to him when he came back to her that evening.

…

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

Livia knew that she had to face Commodus sooner or later. He had vowed to return to her that evening, despite Lucilla urging for him to give her time. She had closed her eyes and sat in her chamber on the end of the bed. Lucilla had held her and urged her to think of whether or not it was Commodus who she truly longed to be with. Lucilla knew that Livia would be safer with someone else. She might even be happier in the end. She could have her own life and be happy with a husband who loved her and cherished her.

But Commodus had come back to her. He had entered her chambers and looked to his sister, nodding at her and urging for her to go. She had held tightly onto Livia as her brother looked at her with a challenging glare.

"I wish to speak with Livia alone," Commodus said.

"I am not certain that is a good idea, Commodus," Lucilla informed her brother, but he shook his head to her.

"I do not care what you think," he hissed at his sister. "Let me speak to her alone."

"I will be fine," Livia promised Lucilla, patting her on the arm.

It took a moment but Lucilla relented and moved. She stood up from the bed and looked to Commodus, glaring at her brother and urging him not to hurt her. She didn't know if he cared enough or if he was simply stubborn in his ways. Once the door had closed behind her, Commodus took his seat next to Livia. He moved to cradle her hands inside of his, holding them tightly.

"Talk to me," Commodus urged from her.

"What is there to say, Commodus?" Livia enquired from him. "The way that you acted earlier was unreasonable. You were so cold and cruel. I do not know how you could have acted like that to me. I did nothing but try to help you and then you forced yourself upon me."

"Do you not see why?" Commodus wondered from her, his hand moving to her cheek and cupping it. "Livia, you have bewitched me. You have taken my breath away and made it impossible for me to think clearly. All I long for every day is to hold you close...be with you…"

"And I…I adore you, Commodus," Livia whispered to him, "but I do not care for what you did today."

"And I know that now," Commodus said to her. "I do not wish to fight with you, Livia. I do not wish to argue. I simply want to be with you."

"And I you, but I need you to acknowledge that what happened earlier was wrong and that we cannot simply brush it aside as it if never happened," Livia said to him and he shook his head at hearing her.

"Perhaps it is best if that is exactly what we do?"

Livia moved to her feet, her hands dropping to her hips as she wandered along the bottom of her bed. Commodus remained seated as he kept his gaze on Livia, his gaze noticing how her hair tumbled down her back loosely, her eyes wide and a look of annoyance on her face. She was still upset with him. He could see that much.

"Why can you simply not apologise and admit that you are at fault?" she enquired from him, turning to look to him, arms folded over her chest. "Why must you blame me when things go astray? Why must I be the one who is responsible?"

"Because my entire life is consumed by you!" he snapped, moving to his feet and advancing towards her, some sense of annoyance coursing through him as he made the movements. "My thoughts are not my own. My mind does not think coherently."

"Then perhaps I should not be here?" Livia suggested, shrugging her shoulders as she stood inches away from him. "Perhaps I am a hindrance to you, Commodus? You are to be Emperor one day. You need to think of other things than both us being together."

Commodus moved with haste then, taking hold of Livia by the upper arms as he looked her in the eye. She struggled to think about what might happen if she did leave Commodus. She didn't know entirely what she would do, but maybe it was what was required of her if Commodus did not think that he would be able to be near her?

"That is the last thing I want, Livia."

"But it may be the thing that you need," Livia responded, trying to brush him from her. "Commodus…I saw how your sister was married…I saw how they acted. He adored her, but he did not treat her how you treat me."

"And how do I treat you?"

"As though I am the cause of all your problems simply because you have feelings towards me," Livia snapped at him. "You cannot expect me to sit there and accept that this is how you will be in the future…that as soon as you are upset it will be my fault."

"I did not do that," Commodus responded forcefully, shaking his head back and forth as Livia let out a dark and loud laugh, finally pushing him from her as she took a step backwards and flapped her arms by her side.

"That is exactly what you did," Livia roared at him. "You blamed me because you did not receive the letter you wanted from your father. How was I to know that he would not respond as you thought? How was any of that my fault?"

"I would never have written to him if you had not suggested it!" Commodus snapped.

Livia let out another annoyed groan as she continued to move her arms by her side. "There it is again," Livia said to him. "You blame me again. I am not doing this, Commodus. I am not going to be in a relationship with you if you continue to act like a petulant child who blames other people whenever he does not get what he wants. Lucius acts more mature than you do."

Livia knew that she had gone too far as she looked at him. His face was halfway between rage and horror. She had angered him, but she had also upset him. She did not wish to do that. She never wished to upset him or see him hurt, but at the same time she had to tell him what she thought was true. Instead of letting him have the option to speak, she shook her head and began to move towards the doors to her chamber, slipping out of them and into the corridor, leaving Commodus behind to his own thoughts.

But Commodus was not finished. He moved with haste, pulling the door open and seeing her walking away. He stood where he was and pointed to the ground, his cheeks burning with rage and his eyes wild with anger.

"Livia!" he roared at her. "You do not walk away from your Prince when he is speaking with you!"

She froze then, shocked at what he had just said. Looking back to him, she saw how he stood in front of her with a glare on his face and she almost felt a sense of fear. She didn't know what was happening between the two of them, but she suspected it was about to turn volatile. She knew Commodus had a temper. She had seen it sparse amount of times. Yet she had a temper when needed. She could be as fiery as he was.

"Your Prince?" she echoed, moving back towards him. "You command me now?"

"I am your superior, Livia," Commodus said. "I have not finished speaking with you."

"Then I apologise, _my Prince_ ," she hissed at him, "but I have nothing left to discuss."

Before she could move away, Commodus grabbed hold of her by the arm, spinning her around to face him again as he handled her roughly until her back was pressed up against a column in the open spaced corridor. Livia tried to push him from her, but her effort was weak as Commodus moved a hand to grab hold of her chin, forcing her to look him in the eye.

"If there is no other way of getting you to talk to me then I will command it," Commodus snapped at her. "Do you understand me, Livia?"

"And if I have nothing to say?" Livia wondered back from him.

"Then you shall listen," he snarled. "You shall listen to me when I tell you that I apologise for the way I acted. I apologise for being angry with you. I apologise for forcing myself upon you…but…but I need you."

His voice turned softer as Livia did her best to comprehend what she was hearing. She stopped fighting against him as he loosened his grip on her, looking down to make certain that she was not going to run away as he spoke his words to her.

"You are my everything, Livia," Commodus whispered. "I act the way I do because I am besotted by you. I have lost the love of my father, although in truth I think I never gained it, but I cannot lose you."

Livia bit down on her tongue for a moment and peered down to the floor, but Commodus moved his hand to her chin, curling a finger underneath it and drawing her gaze back to him. Looking her in the eye, he moved a hand to the side of her neck, letting his fingers brush against her skin.

"My love," he whispered to her. "Do not do this. Do not let anger ruin us."

"I am not letting anything ruin us," Livia responded. "I need you to promise me that this will never happen again, Commodus. I will not argue with you like this again."

"Alas, I shall do everything in my power never to upset you again," Commodus told her truthfully. "Now come, let me hold you as you drift off to sleep."

"Commodus, we cannot…"

"I will be discrete," Commodus told her.

"No," Livia said firmly, her hand going to cup his cheek. "I just need time to be alone right now. Please…I shall come to you tomorrow morning."

Commodus felt stung, but he nodded his head. Bending down, he went to kiss her, yet she turned away. Letting his lips linger on her cheek, Commodus pulled back in time to see her give him a stern nod, squeeze of the hand, and then leave him back to her own chamber.

…

Lucilla watched from afar as Commodus walked with Livia through the courtyards. She stood on the balcony, her gaze peering down and onto the two of them. She could tell that Commodus was attempting to act as though nothing had happened between the two of them. He had his body angled towards Livia, while the young woman walked straight forwards. Commodus was continuously moving his hand over her body. Whether it was to the small of her back or to cup her cheek, he was trying hard to gain her affection, but she was not bending. She managed timid smiles alongside short conversation.

Leaving him after a while, Lucilla watched her head back inside and she moved to intercept her. Taking hold of Livia by the arm, she said nothing and Livia didn't bother to argue. Instead she wandered alongside Lucilla until they were in the privacy of Lucilla's chamber.

"What is happening?" Lucilla enquired from her.

Livia allowed her shoulders to shrug as she settled down on the stool by the dressing table covered in Lucilla's rings and headpieces.

"I do not know," Livia admitted. "He apologised to me last night."

"Why do I sense that his apology did not appease you?"

"I…I think that it will take time and that is all," Livia admitted with a shrug of her shoulders. "Commodus said things that hurt me, but I retaliated and I said things that hurt him. He wants things to go back to how they were, but I still feel uneasy with his previous behaviour."

Lucilla nodded. She seemed to understand where the young woman was coming from. She bit down on her lip and sat down on the edge of her bed.

"I can tell," Lucilla said. "I informed him that he was being ridiculous, but I also informed him that I was not pleased with him. Livia, if he forced himself upon you-"

"-I know," Livia interrupted. "Well, he kissed me when I did not want to be kissed, but I think that he was desperate for me to accept his apology."

"He still should not have done that," Lucilla said with a firm shake of her head. "I just want you to be happy, Livia, and I am worried that he will not make you happy. I love my brother dearly, but I also love you, Livia, and I know how Commodus can be."

Nodding her head, Livia took a deep breath. "Thank you," she said in a soft whisper. "It means a lot to me, Lucilla."

"Just be careful," Lucilla whispered.

…

Commodus didn't know what more he could do. He had slowly tried to woo Livia back to him. He had tried to gain her favour, but he sensed that a part of her had changed. Their relationship was not the same since she their argument. Before, he felt as though she held nothing back. But now he knew she was holding back. He could feel it whenever he kissed her. He could sense it whenever he touched her. She had a smile on her face, but it seemed forced. Commodus needed to know what was happening.

Kissing her slowly, Commodus let his lips linger over hers two weeks following their argument. His hand cradled her cheek while his other hand held onto her neck gently. He felt her fingers curl around his upper arms as the two of them hid in an enclave and away from prying eyes.

"What is it?" Commodus asked from her as he pulled back. He moved to peck her lips once more before he pulled back to let her answer, his brow arched in expectation.

"Nothing," she said with a shake of her head, her hands running up and down his upper arms as he took hold of her waist, creasing the white stola. "I am fine."

"No, you are not," Commodus said. "I know that something is wrong, my love. Talk to me."

She let out a soft sight and looked down before chewing the inside of her cheek. Moving to rake a hand through his hair, he watched on as she looked him back in the eye.

"I am fine," Livia promised him. "I just…I am just hesitant…after what happened…I do not want us to argue again and that is why I am so hesitant."

"You have no reason to be," Commodus said to her. "What do I need to do to make you believe me? What do I need to say?"

"Nothing," Livia said to him. "Just give me time, please?"

"I shall," Commodus said to her. "I just do not want you to pull away, Livia. I want you to be with me. That shall never change…I do not want to feel insecure about our relationship. You are the only constant in my life. I do not want that to change."

"It will not," Livia said to him, taking hold of his cheeks in her face. "Commodus, we will be fine. People argue, but we just need time to recover."

"I cannot lose you," Commodus whispered to her. "Do not leave me, Livia."

Livia moved with haste then, kissing him deeply as she felt him take hold of her waist, pushing her backwards until she was pressed against the wall. He continued to kiss her rigorously, his lips unrelenting as Livia felt herself struggle to remain coherent, clinging onto his upper arms as she felt him move his lips down her neck, his teeth nipping along her skin as she closed her eyes and leant her head back.

"Commodus, we cannot," Livia said with haste.

"I need you," Commodus mumbled against her skin, continuously kissing her as she struggled to remain coherent. "Livia…please…I need you…"

"I need you too," Livia said, managing to drag his lips away from her skin as she took hold of his cheeks once more. "But we cannot do this. We risk being caught. I do not want that…I want to do this properly if we are going to do this. I want us to tell your father and ask for his permission. I do not want people to see me as your foolish mistress."

"You are more than that."

"But people will not think it," Livia said. "I know that it is petty, but I care about what people think. Please, Commodus, let us do this properly."

Commodus arched a brow. "But you do want to do this? You do want to be together?"

Livia took a moment before nodding her head. "Yes," she said, realising that she had gone back to reassuring him when she had been the one looking for reassurances. Clearly Commodus needed it more than she did.

…

A/N: Do let me know what you think! Thanks to my recent reviewers, hope you're enjoying thus far!


	8. Chapter 8

Livia awoke not completely certain what time it was, but she knew that it was still too early for her to be awake. She had been sleeping peacefully before her dreams began to plague her. She had awoken in a sweat, her hair askew on top of her head as she panted for breath. Closing her eyes for a moment and gathering herself, she pinched the bridge of her nose before shaking her head, telling herself that it had simply been a nightmare and she had no need to fret.

Moving to her feet, Livia pushed the covers to her bed back, her bare feet padding against the marble floor as she grabbed hold of a robe, pulling it around her body and covering the nightgown she wore. Wandering to her balcony, she overlooked the private courtyard, squinting in the darkness before she made out a figure on the stone bench.

Leaning her hip against a column, she sighed as she saw him. His hands were clasped together and he was still dressed in the same attire he had been in the previous day. Clearly he didn't sleep. Livia didn't bother to dress. Instead she slipped on her sandals and folded her arms over her chest, manoeuvring from her room and down the corridors towards the courtyard. Stepping outside, she could just about see him look up as she approached.

Settling down next to him, she kept her arms folded against her as she leant forwards slightly, her head turned to the side to look up to him.

"I take it you cannot sleep?" she asked from him.

A wry smile escaped his lips. "I have not slept peacefully for many months," he answered her. "The dark plays tricks on my mind."

"Has Lucilla made you a tonic?"

"It is in my chamber untouched," he nodded his head to her. "Yet I did not long to find sleep. I worry for the nightmares it brings with it."

Livia let out a soft sigh, shaking her head back and forth as she worried for him. "Commodus, you need to sleep," she urged from him. "It is unhealthy to try to stay awake this long."

"I appreciate your concern, my love," he answered her, his hand moving to cup her cheek. "But I am fine. You should go back to bed and rest. Why are you here, anyway?"

"I woke from a bad dream and needed air," she said, not wanting to disclose the details of her dream as she moved to take his hand from her cheek, kissing his knuckles as he smiled gently at the motion, watching Livia as she moved closer to him and dropped her head to his shoulder. "I am fine though."

"I am glad to hear it," Commodus responded, kissing the top of her head. "Although I must insist that you go back to bed. It is still far too early to be awake."

"I am not leaving you," Livia responded, yawning after she had spoken as her tiredness betrayed her.

Commodus chuckled at hearing her. Moving to his feet, he offered her his hand as he looked down to her. "Come," he urged in a gentle tone. "Let me walk you back to your chamber."

Livia didn't bother to argue. Instead she took hold of his hand, her fingers slotting against his as the two of them wandered back inside and up towards her chamber. Commodus paused at the door and Livia bit down on her lip, thinking about what she was going to say to him. She knew it was hypocritical considering the other day she had been so concerned about being seen together. Yet now she was going to do the very thing she had vowed not to.

"Come in," she urged from him.

Commodus arched his brow. "Livia, what are you asking?"

"I am asking you to come in and just try to sleep," she urged from him. "Please, Commodus."

"In a bed with you?" Commodus enquired. "Livia, the other day you told me-"

"-I know," she interrupted him. "But I am concerned for you, Commodus. Please, you need to rest."

It took a moment before Commodus nodded at her. He followed her into her chamber, noticing how the candles in her room were burning low. He watched her toss her robe onto the bottom of her bed before climbing back onto it, pulling her hair over one shoulder as she rested on her side. Commodus didn't bother to do much to ready himself for bed. He remained in his attire as he climbed beneath the thin cover and moved towards her. Draping an arm over her waist, he heard her inhale before he kissed the side of her neck.

"Sleep well, my love," he whispered to her.

"Goodnight, Commodus," she responded as she closed her eyes, well aware of the weight over her side as she tried to drift off to sleep.

…

Livia was feeling rather groggy when she awoke the next morning. Her eyes were closed, but she was well aware that she was awake. It took her a few minutes before she realised what was happening. The arm around her waist was still there, fingers splaying against her stomach as she felt her back press against a broad chest. It was another second before she felt something on her neck. She moaned at the sensation as she felt the man behind her kiss along the length of her neck, pausing just at her shoulder to bite the skin softly. Moaning loudly, Livia opened her eyes as she moved a hand to rest over his and she felt his warm breath against her ear.

"Good morning," he greeted her.

"Hmm," she managed to mumble and he chuckled at her drowsiness before kissing her neck once more.

"I could get used to his," he whispered against her skin after a moment and her lips quirked. "I long to ride to Germania now and speak with my father and ask him to permit me to marry you if this is what I wake up to every morning."

Livia smiled softly, not responding as she closed her eyes again and shifted in his grip as she his free hand move to rest on her behind. Her eyes opened wide then and she turned her head to the side to look to him, but that only gave him a chance to kiss her deeply. She rolled onto her back then, still kissing him as she felt the back of his hand come to her cheek, stroking softly along it.

"We shouldn't," Livia managed to whisper once he had pulled back from her.

"It is still early," he responded in a whisper. "No one will be awake for a while."

"Commodus," she complained as she felt him run a finger along her neck. "You know what I have said."

"I know," he told her, "but do you not want this, Livia? Do you not want to be with me like this?"

"I am certain you know the answer to that," she responded, "but I want to wait until marriage, Commodus. I have no desire to be ruined."

"And you will not be," Commodus promised her. "Regardless, we both know that we will be together. No one will know what transpires between us, Livia, but you are a woman…you have desires…just as I do."

"But we are not supposed to act on them," Livia said with a firm shake of her head. "Commodus, I adore you, you know that…and…if I said that I do not want something more than it would be lie, but I am simply worried. I am worried that your father will not permit us to marry and that I will be ruined for someone else."

"That would never happen," Commodus told her. "I would go against him if he forbade our union. You know that."

"That does not mean that I want you to do that."

Commodus looked her in the eye, his gaze intent as he moved his hand to flatten against her chest. "I would do anything to be with you," he said seriously. "Never doubt that, Livia. Never doubt me."

Livia was about to argue, but the look on his face told her not to bother. So she did not. A part of her wanted him to say that. She wanted him to be hers so desperately. She couldn't deny that she would be jealous of any woman who dared to look at him in the way she did. She nodded her head as Commodus bent down to kiss her.

"Regardless," he said slowly as his hand on her chest slowly travelled down her nightgown to her right breast, resting on top of it as Livia felt herself squirm and her stomach churn in anticipation. "There are ways to achieve pleasure without having one's virtue ruined."

Livia groaned as she felt him squeeze her mound and Commodus watched her tilt her head back as she arched her body against his. Moving to kiss her as he let his fingers continue to manipulate her, he moved his lips to her ear, engulfing it and hearing her groan once more.

"Let me show you," he urged from her.

Livia nodded her head then, unsure of what came over her. All she could think about was the feeling of pleasure in her stomach as she managed to speak in a low voice.

"Please," she begged him.

Smirking, Commodus kissed her squarely on the lips before moving away from her. Watching as she propped herself onto her elbows, her chest heaving, he pulled her legs apart as she blushed profusely as his hands ran up her calves, pushing the material against her legs up with it. His hands soon found her thighs and he pushed them down to rest on the mattress. Livia was about to ask what he was doing before she saw him bend down between her legs and she fell back onto the bed, knowing that she had to focus on not screaming in total pleasure for the rest of the morning.

….

Livia and Commodus spent the rest of the day in some kind of haze. Livia hadn't stopped laughing at whatever it was Commodus was telling her, nor had she done anything but cling onto his arm. Thankfully, their interactions took place in the private courtyard. Lucilla had watched on, knowing full well that the two of them were closer than ever before. Their argument all those weeks ago seemed to have been forgotten.

Lucilla had to admit that she was nervous about what the future held for both of them. She loved her brother. She adored him terribly. She also adored Livia. The girl was young and sweet. She was naïve and in love. Lucilla had felt that way before, her lips smirking as she thought back to the soldier who had captured her heart. But he was different. He was not Commodus. Lucilla saw the worst in Commodus alongside the best. He was charming and considerate towards Livia. He adored her and doted on her. But Lucilla saw something deeper. He lusted after the girl terribly. Lucilla had seen how the two of them were when they thought they were hidden in crevices. She didn't deny that Livia must also want him, but there was something more to Commodus.

Livia was like an obsession to him. He was bewitched by her, but Lucilla also knew that he saw her as a possession. The way he had behaved following their argument told Lucilla that. No other man dare look at her. Lucilla knew that possessiveness often reared its head in relationships. Jealousy was common. She just worried that her brother had too much of it.

A part of her wondered if Livia truly knew what she was getting herself into.

…

Commodus could not deny that he was furious after hearing the rumours that had spread. Apparently there was a soldier in the household guard who had taken a fancy to Livia. Commodus had ground his teeth together and gone to find her, demanding to know if it was true or if it was simply a lie. She had sat by his side and reassured him that there was no one else for her, kissing him tenderly and holding his hand.

"My father wishes for us to ride to him," Commodus announced that evening over dinner as he sat with Livia while Lucilla put Lucius to bed.

"Did he ask why?"

"He did not," Commodus said, "but I think that it is serious. The Senate travel too."

"I am sorry, Commodus," was all that Livia could manage as Commodus took hold of her hand, squeezing it softly. "What can I do?"

"Come to me tonight," he whispered and Livia looked around, making certain that no one was listening to them. "Just spend the night besides me."

Livia managed a small nod. "Later," she whispered and moved to her feet, bending down to kiss him chastely before wandering away and towards her chambers.

Letting out a deep breath, she pushed the door to her chamber open and startled at the sight in front of her. Lucilla was perched on the end of her bed, looking at her with concern in her gaze.

"We need to talk, Livia."

…

A/N: And now we are back to the prologue. Thanks to everyone and do let me know what you think!


	9. Chapter 9

After her conversation with Lucilla, Livia did her best to push it to the back of her mind. She didn't want to feel as though Lucilla was urging her to turn against Commodus, but it felt like it. Of course, she knew that Lucilla was only looking out for her. They both knew what Commodus could be like and his behaviour recently worried Livia. He seemed too protective and controlling. He had told Livia how he adored her and loved her, but Lucilla seemed to think that Commodus had love mixed up with lust and possessiveness.

Livia could see why she would think that, but a part of her didn't want to doubt Commodus. She never wanted to doubt him. She adored him. She loved him. She wanted to be with him. Once Lucilla had gone, Livia pushed herself to her feet and moved out of her chamber and down towards Commodus's chamber. She didn't bother to knock. She let herself into the room and saw him perched at the end of his bed.

Moving to his feet, he looked to her and saw some concern in her gaze. He walked towards her, his hands going to hold her shoulders as he took them into his grip. Livia moved her hands on top of his, her fingers knotting into his as she looked down. Commodus moved, his forehead brushing against hers as he urged her to look upwards and into his eyes.

"What is it?" he asked from her.

"You do love me, do you not?" she asked from him, unable to stop herself as Lucilla's words echoed around in her mind.

Commodus's brow furrowed at hearing her and he moved one hand down her arm, running it to her cheek to hold it tenderly in his grip. Looking to her, he moved to brush his lips to hers for a moment.

"Of course I do," Commodus whispered, his voice slightly hoarse as Livia looked him in the eye. "Livia, I adore you."

"I just need to know," Livia said and Commodus found himself concerned as he cradled both her cheeks in his fingertips then, watching as she clung onto his upper arms, her fingers holding tightly onto them. "I know what you said earlier about the soldier, but he does not matter. I love you, Commodus, and I do not want you to be jealous of anyone. I never want you to feel inadequate, but I never want that feeling either, Commodus. I never want to doubt you."

"What have I done to make you doubt me?" he worried from her as she felt tears in the corner of her eye. "Livia, has someone said something to you?"

"No," Livia lied, shaking her head back and forth, refusing to tell Commodus what Lucilla had said to her. "It is in my mind, Commodus. I just…I have reassured you so often that I need it sometimes. I need you to tell me that everything shall be fine. Nothing will change when you come back from Germania…that…you will not abandon me…"

"Livia," Commodus said in a gentle sigh, wondering when she had become so insecure. His Livia was usually a little ball of fire. She was always the one who was full of passion. She was confident. This woman in front of him was not the Livia he knew. "Nothing will change. I will come back from Germania and I will always want you. That will never change."

Moving with haste, Livia wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, the force of the kiss enough to make his moan against her mouth as he moved slowly, turning her around and guiding her towards the end of his bed. He moved gently, making sure he didn't collapse on top of her as the two of them fell onto the bed. Commodus reached for the end of her stola, tugging it up her legs as his hands ran along her bare skin.

There was an urgency to his movements as Livia reciprocated, trying to rid him of his toga as she finally got there, her hands feeling the panes of his stomach as he groaned at the feelings of her hands. Reaching for the wide straps of her stola, he tugged at them, along with her tunic. He moved with haste, ridding himself of his remaining clothes before he was sat up on the end of the bed, Livia balanced in his lap, the straps to her tunic down her shoulder and threatening to reveal her chest as the material gathered at her waist and she straddled his legs.

Both of them parted for a moment, panting for breath as sweaty foreheads pressed against each other. Livia moved once again, biting down on his bottom lip before she heard him moan loudly, his hand cupping the back of her head.

"I love you," Commodus panted as soon as he pulled back from her. "Livia, I do love you."

Livia nodded her head. "I love you too, Commodus," Livia said before making the next move and tugging her tunic down, baring herself to him as his eyes widened. "I do not care what anyone says," she whispered. "I just want you."

Commodus tried to be respectful and keep his gaze on her, but it was difficult when she pulled her clothes from herself. He managed and nodded his head, gulping as he seemed to understand what she was saying. Pulling her back to him until her front was pressed against his, he kissed her quickly and nodded.

"I want you too," he whispered and held onto her tightly for a few more moments before kissing her once again.

…

Lucilla wondered where her brother was the following morning when she was breaking her fast. She knew that they were due to leave soon for Germania. She sighed before moving to her feet, running her hand over Lucius's head and walked towards his chamber. She stood by the door, poised to knock, before she heard something that shocked her. Furrowing her brow, the loud noise came from the room once more.

Lucilla pushed the door open and her eyes widened at the sight she saw in front of her. She kept the door only slightly open, but the sight she saw was one that worried her. Sat up on the bed was her brother, but he was not alone. Livia was balanced in his lap, moaning loudly as Commodus kissed her neck, the motion unrelenting as the two of them groaned loudly. They were both naked, their fronts pressed against each other as Livia continued to move up and down on his lap.

It was another second before Lucilla backed away from the room and the noise of moans. She placed her hands to her head, wondering how Livia could do this. After everything they had discussed the previous night, livia was acting as though the conversation had never happened. It took a moment before she inhaled a sharp breath and realised she had to do something. But it was too late. She was too late.

She went to wait in Livia's chambers again. It didn't take long before she came skulking in, clutching her tunic to her chest considering she hadn't dressed properly. Livia startled and gulped, seeing that Lucilla had a look of thunder on her face. Lucilla moved to her face, shaking her head as she looked to Livia.

"I know where you have been so do not even attempt to lie to me," Lucilla snapped. "You…Livia…I always thought that you never wanted to be his mistress. I thought that you had more sense than this…ruining yourself."

"I never planned for it to happen," Livia defended herself, brushing by Lucilla to perch on the stool at her dresser. "I went to speak with him after our conversation last night and he made me realise that I should have nothing to fear. We love each other, Lucilla. We can be happy and…what happened simply just happened."

"Livia, how foolish can you be!" Lucilla hissed at the young woman, moving to stand in front of her, hands flailing by her sides. "And what if my father refuses this union? You have been ruined for another man."

"I do not want another man!" Livia said firmly. "I want Commodus."

"And I thought that once before about someone," Lucilla said, "but life is not easy, Livia. You will recognise that one day. I do not want to see you regret what you have done. You…after what you have done…I just worry, Livia."

"There is no need to worry," Livia said, trying to remain calm. "We will both be fine, Lucilla."

"I do not know if that is true," Lucilla said. "But I am worried, Livia. I am worried about what might happen."

"What is the worst that could happen?" Livia wondered from her. "You ride for Germania and your father does not give us his blessing…Commodus told me that he would never abandon me. I believe him and I would do the same in his position. It is not what we want, but I love him. I just love him and he loves me."

Lucilla said nothing further, knowing that she had to keep her eye on the situation. She had to make certain that her brother and Livia did not get hurt.

…

Livia watched as Commodus prepared to leave Rome for Germania. The Senate had already begun their journey and the siblings were following them. Livia had told Lucilla that she would take care of Lucius before embracing her tightly and kissing her tenderly on the cheek. Looking to Commodus, Livia was well aware how people were watching, the guard ready to travel and leave for Germania.

Moving to kiss him on the cheek, she felt his hand run down her back as he whispered in her ear.

"I will dream about last night while I am apart from you," he said and Livia tried not to blush as he pulled back and managed a sly smirk in her direction before moving his hand from her back.

Livia remained stood where she was before seeing both of them climb into the cart they were travelling in. Livia saw Commodus looked to her before the door closed and he smiled as the door closed and he took a seat on his bed, ready for two weeks of travel. Lucilla sat across from him, knowing that they were in private and she had to speak with him.

"You took her virtue from her," Lucilla said and Commodus arched a brow.

"Excuse me?" he said.

"I know that you bedded, Livia, Commodus. I saw both of you when I cam to wake you this morning," Lucilla said. "What were you thinking, Commodus?"

"I will not discuss this," Commodus said firmly with a shake of his head.

"I want you to be careful," Lucilla said. "You should have waited for marriage, Commodus. If…if you cannot be together then I worry what shall happen for her."

"Nothing shall happen for no man will have her," Commodus declared, his tone harsh and low as he spoke to her. He was not going to discuss this with her and listen to her question what was going to happen in his relationship with Livia. "Livia is mine, Lucilla, and father shall either give us his blessing or I shall marry her anyway."

"Commodus, you cannot mean that," Lucilla shook her head. "You do not wish to go against father."

"For Livia, I would go against anyone," Commodus said.

Lucilla was about to argue with him, but she kept her thoughts to herself. She would not spend two weeks arguing with her brother about his relationship with Livia. She would speak with her father and try to make certain that he would permit Livia to marry Commodus. She worried what her brother might do if her father refused their union.

….

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	10. Chapter 10

Commodus had been gone for only two hours before Livia heard the first whispers from the serving staff. She had been playing with Lucius, chasing him and running around after him when she had urged him to go and hide and she would come and find him. She had hidden behind a column in the courtyard, hands over her eyes when she heard the whispers from the two women walking by.

"Did you see the way he looked at her?" one of them spoke and Livia opened her eyes, intrigue getting the best of her. "How has she managed to besot him so?"

"I think it is sheer desperation," the other woman responded. "She has been living with the Emperor and his family for years since her father died. She knows that she is now of age to marry a man who might not be able to give her the lavish lifestyle she has grown accustomed to."

"Do you think of her as a letch?"

"Do you not? Why would she want to leave when she can continue to live a life of luxury?"

"So you do not think that she loves him?"

"I think that she is playing a clever game," the woman replied. "Did you know that they have been seen together hidden in alcoves? No one has said anything, but everyone knows that the two of them have been intimate with each other. The Prince must know that it would not be in his best interests to marry her. What can she offer him? She has no great political ties nor does she have any true social standing."

"I do not know," the other woman responded. "I think that she does love him. I think that it is foolish of her, however. Did you hear how he acted when rumours spread that a soldier had taken a liking to her?"

"What did he do?"

"According to Remus, he was angry. He had a face like thunder. Why would he act in such a manner if he was not in love with her?"

"Because he is sadistic?" the woman asked back. "We all know that he is unstable. He acts like a petulant child and she gives in to his every whim. She is using him and he is obsessed with her. I think that is all there is to it."

"Livia! Livia!"

Lucius's voice rang out through the corridors as Livia moved from her hiding spot to face the little boy. She blinked back the tears in her eyes as she knelt down and the little boy rushed forwards into her open arms. The serving women looked on with wide eyes, realising that their conversation had been overheard. It was another moment before Livia could look to Lucius, certain that she wasn't going to cry.

"I thought that you were going to find me?" Lucius asked from her as she held onto his skinny upper arms. "What are you doing?"

"I was distracted, sweetling," she admitted to him in a small voice as she moved to her feet and took hold of Lucius by his hand.

"What were you distracted by?" he enquired as they began walking down the corridors.

Looking to the women, she noticed how they were too ashamed to even look her in the eye. Instead they looked any direction but at Livia as she glowered between the two of them, her gaze narrow and harsh as she spoke in a cold voice, letting them know exactly what she thought of both of them.

"Nothing of importance," Livia said and went on her way with Lucius, hoping that would dispel any talk of rumours.

…

Commodus had been travelling for an entire week and in that week he had been restless. Lucilla could see it just as the rest of the travelling guard could. He had been quiet, his mind entirely on the woman he had left back home. Lucilla had seen him often lay down, his hands behind his head as he thought about Livia. He was consumed by her. His adoration for her knew no bounds.

It was only when they arrived did Lucilla see her brother leave for the frontline of battle. She had watched him ride off to find their father while she had returned to the main camp. She had watched on as men drank and conversed, congratulating each other over their victory. Hidden behind the curtain, she barely noticed her father as he approached her.

She smiled softly at the sight of him and Marcus Aurelius looked to his daughter, relieved to see her after such a long time away. Moving forwards, he placed his hands on her shoulders as she took hold of his upper arms, struggling not to notice how frail and tired he was looking. She suspected after months at battle he would appear in such a way to her.

"If only you had been born a man," Marcus said in a soft voice. "What a Caesar you would have made. You would have been strong, but would you have been just?"

Lucilla smiled. "I would have been everything you taught me," she said and moved to kiss him tenderly on the cheek.

Marcus smiled at her answer and took hold of her arm, walking with her through the cold rooms as he spoke in a soft voice.

"How was your journey?" he wondered from her.

"Long and tiring," she responded with a nod of her head.

"But I am glad that you are here. I need you now more than ever, my dear Lucilla."

"Why?" Lucilla enquired from him. "What is happening?"

Taking a seat, Marcus lowered himself down cautiously. He felt his limbs stiffen as his daughter sat by his side, her hand taking hold of his. Marcus patted her hand and turned to look her in the eye, his gaze soft and wide. He observed his daughter and longed for her to understand what he was going to do. He had to do this. It was the right thing to do.

"I am old, Lucilla," Marcus said to her. "It is time for me to name my successor, but it shall not be your brother."

Lucilla looked shocked then, wondering how Commodus would react to that news. She didn't know what more she could do except for accept her father's decision. He was the Caesar. He was also her father. She respected him and loved him. She knew that there would be a reason behind his decision.

"Maximus is to take charge until Rome is ready to become a Republic once again," Marcus informed her. "Commodus will need you more than ever soon enough when he discovers the news. He will need you by his side to guide him through everything. I trust you, Lucilla. I trust you to be able to aid him."

Lucilla nodded her head. "Of course," she responded with a nod of her head. "But it is not I who has Commodus's ear anymore, father."

"Oh?" Marcus enquired from his daughter as she nodded her head and bit down on her tongue for a moment. "And who does hold your brother's ear?"

"Livia," Lucilla whispered her name and Marcus allowed himself a moment to look shocked. "The two of them have grown closer, father. Commodus has been quite taken with her and Livia claims to love him. The two of them have been inseparable."

"Livia," Marcus whispered her name.

"Yes," Lucilla responded. "And…I do not doubt that Commodus adores her, but I am worried, father. I am worried for her. We both know how Commodus can be more than she does. We know that he can be volatile and petulant and the way he has acted…the way he has sometimes treated her…"

"Has he mistreated her?" Marcus asked of his daughter.

"Not as such," Lucilla said. "I just worry that what he feels for her is more of an obsession to be loved then it is true love."

Marcus nodded his head, seeming to understand what he was hearing from her. "Your brother is not like you and I, Lucilla. He is different. He is someone who I believe needs someone by his side…someone to calm him and someone to comfort him. If Livia is that woman then perhaps she should have come with you on the journey."

"Perhaps," Lucilla nodded in agreement. "I simply want the best for her, father. You know that she is like a sister to me."

"I know, my sweet daughter," Marcus said with a nod. "Yet if your brother is besotted with her then I believe that she might be just the person he needs for when he returns to Rome and to Livia."

"You would permit him to marry her?" Lucilla asked and Marcus nodded his head.

"He is not to be Ceasar. He should marry whom he chooses and if he chooses her then so be it," Marcus said. "She is a sweet girl. She is kind and caring. She has always been polite. If your brother loves her and she loves him then I believe she might be the best thing for him."

"She has always been lovely," Lucilla said with a nod of her head. "Perhaps you are right. Perhaps I have been too worried."

"I do not doubt it," Marcus said. "Your brother is many things, Lucilla. He has his flaws, just as we all do, but Livia might be his redemption if he is as taken with her as I imagine he might be."

"Perhaps it might be for the best to speak with him yourself?"

"Of course."

….

Marcus saw his son enter his chamber later that evening. His hair was unruly and curly on top of his head while he was still dressed in the purple attire that he had travelled in. Marcus had changed into a simple tunic, looking to his son with a warm smile on his face as he took a seat on the end of his bed.

"Father," Commodus greeted him.

Marcus patted the seat next to him. "Sit with me, my son."

Commodus did as he had been requested, perching down on the end of the bed next to his father. He said nothing for a few brief moments, the two of them remaining silent.

"Your sister has told me of your relationship with Livia."

Commodus ground his teeth together. He had been the one who had wanted to tell his father. He had wanted his father to be pleased for him. He had wanted his blessing. He had wanted to see his father look at him proudly, knowing that he was able to marry someone he deemed worthy. Of course, he didn't care if his father rejected him for he would do anything for Livia.

"I am happy, Commodus," Marcus said and Commodus felt his eyes widen as his father let out a chuckle at his son's surprised expression. "She is a beautiful girl, Commodus. She is kind and adoring. She…I have always cared for her as a daughter and I would be proud for you to care for her as your wife if you so wish to."

"You truly mean that?" Commodus asked and Marcus held onto his son's hand for a moment.

"Truly," he nodded. "She is just what you need, Commodus. Tell me, when did you begin to fall in love with her?"

Commodus shrugged his shoulders and moved to his feet, elation taking hold of him. "I cannot be certain," Commodus admitted. "I have watched her grow into a the woman she is today. She…Livia…my every thought is consumed by her, father. Being apart from her is causing me nothing but pain."

"And she feels the same way?"

"She has told me that she loves me," Commodus responded. "She wished for me to gain your blessing for both of us to be married."

"And that she has," Marcus said. "I would love to see it."

"And you shall," Commodus nodded. "Father, believe me, Livia…my feelings for her are true. I will love her and take care of her."

"And I am glad to hear it," Marcus said and Commodus knelt in front of him.

"But I am shocked," he admitted to him. "I had thought that you would want for me to marry someone with political ties. I had thought that you would not be happy for me to marry Livia for she is but an orphan."

"And perhaps I might have wanted that in the past," Marcus nodded. "Yet times have changed, Commodus. You are free to follow your heart and I think that is for the best."

"What has changed?" Commodus enquired as Marcus looked down to Commodus and sighed, knowing that he had to tell his son the truth. He had to tell him what he intended to happen.

"Rome will become a Republic, Commodus," Marcus said. "Maximus will take charge until the Senate is ready to rule. You are free, my son. You are free to marry Livia and be happy with her."

Yet Commodus did not focus on that. All that he could think of was the fact that his father had bypassed him. His father did not trust him to rule. It was almost as though a dagger had been driven through his chest. He felt nothing but pain and betrayal. But, more than that, he felt white hot rage.

….

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	11. Chapter 11

Commodus didn't know how long he stood over his father's dead body. He didn't know how he had gone from feeling such joy to such sorrow. Looking down onto Marcus Aurelius, Commodus sniffed loudly before wiping the tears from his eyes. He didn't know how it had come to this. One moment his father had given Commodus everything he had wanted, but in the next he had taken it away. Commodus could have Livia, but his father only permitted him to have her because he did not think he was fit enough to rule Rome.

He would never have blessed their union if he were to be Caesar. But now it did not matter. Now, none of it mattered. Commodus would be Caesar and he would return to Rome and wed Livia. He would have her as his wife and he would rule. He would be a better ruler than his father had ever anticipated.

It had taken him a while before he had dared to move from the spot that he stood in to alert the guard of his father's death. The next few hours passed by in a flurry. He had gone to Maximus and demanded his fealty, but Maximus had refused. His sister had stood by for a moment before slapping him across the face, her rage clear on her face. Commodus wondered if she knew what had happened, but he was well aware that was impossible.

Commodus knew that he had to stop Maximus from trying to overthrow him. He had no other option but to order for him to be executed.

…

Livia could not believe what she was hearing from the men who had come to her and told her what had happened in Germania. She was seated at the dining table after Senator Gracchus had come to her with news. He looked to her as she sat there with wide eyes, a hand over her mouth as she shook her head in disbelief. It took a couple of minutes before she could even speak.

"How did he die?" she enquired from Gracchus as Gaius stood behind his shoulder, listening to the old man inform the young woman what had happened to the former Emperor.

"Old age," Gracchus spoke with a nod of his head. "It was to be expected, Livia."

"But still I thought that he might return home," Livia said and the Senator shook his head at her.

"It was not to be," he responded, his voice blunt as he spoke. "Commodus has been crowned the next Caesar. He returns tomorrow morning. The Senate has a lot to discuss with him upon his return, however, he has sent word that he wishes to discuss something of upmost importance before we talk about the people of Rome dying of the plague."

"And what does he wish to discuss?" Livia enquired.

"His union to you," Gracchus spoke. "He has made it clear to us that he wishes to wed you as soon as possible. His father blessed the union and he wishes to go ahead with it."

"I see," Livia said in a whisper.

"The Senate are concerned, Livia," Gracchus admitted to her and she arched a brow to him. "If Commodus is to be Emperor of Rome then his marriage should…well…perhaps be to a woman of a higher standing. While your father was a great man, he is unfortunately dead."

"What are you trying to tell me?" Livia demanded from them and Gracchus let out a soft and low sigh before looking to Gaius over his shoulder. Gaius looked over to Livia then, his gaze stern yet full of concern as he watched her. He had known her since a child. Her father had doted on her and adored her. He had seen her grow into the woman she was today.

"That perhaps you both should not rush into a union with haste," he declared. "Commodus will need time to adjust to becoming Emperor."

"And you think that I am a distraction?"

"No," Gracchus said. "We think that you might be what we need to have Commodus rule successfully. We only ask that you hold off on your union-"

"-What you want from me is clear," Livia said in a snap as she moved to her feet and looked between the two men. "You know that I love him and he loves me, but I am not of a social standing worthy of him. You would ask for me to be his mistress…"

"Being a mistress can come with a great deal of responsibility, Livia," Gaius said and she looked to him. "Mistresses are often the ones who hold the ears of those they serve. They are overlooked, but we all know that they hold the power."

"You would have me manipulate Commodus to do the bidding of the Senate?" Livia asked. "Alongside being his mistress?"

"Perhaps it might be what Rome needs," Gracchus said and Livia shook her head, her hands holding the material of her robes as she moved from the table and began to walk away from the two of them, refusing to listen to them any longer. Staring after her, the two men watched her saunter away before looking to each other, their brows arched.

"She will not be persuaded," Gaius said as he finally took a seat and poured himself a cup of wine. "She has too much of her father in her. He was just as stubborn as she is."

"And do you think that he would agree to such an arrangement?" Gracchus wondered. "He is Emperor now and with that position there comes great responsibility. He will need to understand that."

"I do not think that he shall understand anything," Gaius scoffed. "You know as well as I do the rumours that surround him. He is unstable."

"We should not speak of him in such a manner."

"Yet it is the truth," Gaius said. "Perhaps a marriage between himself and Livia would not be terrible. Perhaps she could make him a worthy Emperor? We either go against him and advise him not to marry her or we permit this union and she might just be able to help us help Rome."

"Or she might be too weak to control him."

"No, Gaius said with a smirk. "As I said, she has too much of her father in her. We shall put the idea towards Caesar before we do anything further. Although I fear that I already know what his answer shall be."

…

Returning to Rome, Commodus could hear the cheers as he entered. He felt some form of elation as his sister stood beside him on the chariot he was being pulled in on. He was dressed in his impressive grab, a simple crown band on top of his head and flattening his hair. He looked to the people and swore that he would do anything in his power to make them love him and to prove his father wrong.

As the horses slowed to a halt, Commodus stepped down, the sheer number of people behind him lining the streets of Rome enough to make him feel a sense of nervousness. It was then when he looked for her face at the top of the steps to the Senate. He tried to find her, but she was nowhere to be seen. His frown intensified as he walked up the steps, his sister following him and then stopping as Lucius rushed down and towards her.

"Caesar," Gracchus, Gaius and Falco all greeted him as three children stepped forwards and handed him bouquets of flowers. He accepted them gratefully with a nod of his head before looking to the three Senators who had stepped forward to greet him while the others remained in the background.

"Rome greets you warmly," Falco stated as Commodus inclined his head.

"It was a warm welcome," Commodus said. "I thank you for that."

"Caesar," Gracchus spoke and bowed in his direction. "While Rome welcomes her new Emperor, there is much that we need to discuss."

Commodus held a hand up to stop Gracchus from moving inside. "I suspect there is," Commodus agreed. "Firstly, however, I need to know where Livia is."

Gaius shot a knowing look to Gracchus before holding his arm out. "Perhaps we should speak privately, Caesar, before we discuss the state of Rome."

Commodus wondered what was going on as he followed the three Senators inside. The rest of the Senate wandered to the meeting chamber, yet the four of them remained outside in the corridors where they could speak in private. Lucilla soon joined them after she had her maid take Lucius back to her chamber. Standing by her brother's side, she looked to the three Senators.

"What is going on?" Lucilla enquired.

"That is precisely what I wish to know," Commodus responded.

"We have spoken with Livia and told her of your father's death," Gracchus began, keeping calm as he spoke. "You are to be Emperor and Emperor's tend to marry women with political ties or power…Livia has neither of those. Yet, we are acutely aware of your feelings for her."

Commodus felt rage build inside of him at what he was hearing from the men. They had all been plotting and scheming behind his back despite the fact that he had told them what would happen.

"Did I not send word and inform you that my father had given his blessing for our marriage?"

"Yes, but-"

"-There is no buts," Commodus snapped, interrupting Gaius. "I am the Emperor, am I not? I choose who I wed and I have chosen to wed Livia. That is all there is to the matter. She will be by my side throughout everything."

"As you say," Gaius nodded, knowing that there was no point in trying to persuade him otherwise.

"Now," Commodus drawled, "where is she?"

"In her chambers," Gaius said. "We suspected it might have been for the best for her to remain hidden until we have this conversation."

Commodus seethed then as Lucilla tried to comprehend what she was hearing. The Senate thought that Livia would have been better placed as a mistress to Commodus. Lucilla bit down on her lip. She would not let that happen. Yet she knew that she could not let Livia marry Commodus. If she knew the truth about him then she would be revolted as Lucilla felt. But Lucilla was scared of her brother. She was scared of him and the power he now held. He had sent for Maximus to be killed because he knew the truth.

Whatever had happened between Commodus and Marcus had resulted in Marcus's death. Lucilla wondered what had happened to the brother she had grown with. The man standing in front of her bore seldom resemblance to him.

"She is not to be hidden again," Commodus snarled. "Now, the meeting can wait until I have her by my side."

"Commodus, perhaps we should conduct the meeting before you go to her," Lucilla said, trying to soothe her brother as she took hold of his arm. "And then you can be with her for a while."

Commodus suspected his sister spoke sense. Of course, he wasn't to know that she was trying to stop him from seeing her. Livia would not know the truth, but she had to know. She had to know what Commodus was like before she agreed to marry him. Lucilla knew now, more than ever, that she couldn't let her marry him.

Commodus nodded and agreed to the meeting, counting down until he could see Livia again.

…

Lucilla watched her brother enter Livia's chamber following the meeting. She hadn't been able to stall him before she could find her. He would be the first to her. Lucilla felt a sense of nausea pass over her as Commodus closed the door and looked over to her. Livia was sat at the end of the bed, her legs pulled to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Commodus moved over towards her and she turned her head over her shoulder to look to him.

"Commodus," she gasped his name out and uncurled herself from her seat.

Moving to her feet, she watched as Commodus held his hands out to her. It had been over a month since she had last seen him. Taking hold of her fingers, he held them tightly as she moved to kiss him tenderly. Commodus returned the kiss, letting her pull back after a moment.

"I am so sorry," Livia whispered. "I am so sorry about your father."

Commodus nodded his head. "He was old and frail, Livia," he said. "It was to be expected. I can only remain content that he told me how happy he was for you and I to be married."

A smile formed on Livia's face as she shook her head. "I take it that you have spoken with the Senate."

"Indeed, I have," Commodus nodded to her. "However, it matters not. I have told them that we shall wed. I promised that you would never be my mistress and I will honour that."

"But they will not be happy."

"Their happiness does not bother me," Commodus informed her. "I concern myself with your happiness and my own happiness."

"I am sorry," Livia whispered to him. "I am so sorry that it has to be this way…that you have to go against them…for me…just for me…"

"No," Commodus said with haste, moving to hold her cheeks in his fingers. "I never want to hear you apologise, Livia. I am the Emperor now and I make my choices. The Senate do not choose for me. I choose you. I will always choose you."

Moving with haste, Livia threw her arms around his neck, flinging her body against his as Commodus took hold of her waist. He felt her lips move over his as he kissed her back. Her fingers tugged at the straps to the armour he wore as his own hands tugged on her toga, lifting it up her legs as she finally heard his armour clatter to the floor.

Commodus finally managed to rid her of her outer layer, leaving her in a stola as she groaned loudly once she had managed to tug his tunic over his head, their lips parting for a brief moment. Commodus moved with haste, kissing her as he laid her down on her bed, longing to spend as much time as he could wrapped up in her.

…

Commodus knew that he had business to attend to. He had more conversations to be held with the Senate, but he did not want to move. As he laid on Livia's bed, he contemplated saying that he was tired and that he needed rest. Livia's legs were tangled with his, her bare body against his. Her head was on his chest, her hair tickling his chin as he ran his hand down the length of it while his other hand held hers and rested on top of her waist.

She was still gathering her breath as she kept her eyes closed, listening to Commodus's steady breathing and feeling the constant rise of his chest.

"I have missed you," Livia whispered, playing with his hand inside of hers as Commodus smirked, watching as she remained intrigued.

"And I you," Commodus promised her. "But now we do not need to be apart, my love. We will marry and celebrate my father's life."

"Was he truly happy?"

Commodus remained calm as he thought back to that moment of happiness he had felt. He thought that his father had adored him for a brief moment and cared about him.

"He was," Commodus said. "He thought the world of you, Livia. He thought that you were perfect."

"He was always kind to me," Livia said. "He took me in when I was sure to be orphaned…he took me in and he let me find you, Commodus. I will always thank him for that."

Commodus remained silent as he felt her turn her chin onto his chest and look up to him, smiling gently as she reached a hand up to stroke his cheek lovingly. Commodus took hold of it and kissed it tenderly.

"And I will thank him," Commodus said. "I am hosting gladiatorial games in his honour."

"The games?" Livia wondered.

"Yes," Commodus nodded. "The people want a vision of Rome…they want something that will allow them to fantasise about Rome. They will see it in all of its glory in the games. It shall be one hundred and fifty days of games."

"Is that not too long?" she wondered from him, not entirely certain if she wanted to see so much bloodshed.

"It is just right," Commodus said to her. "Do you not agree with my decision?"

"I do not know," Livia admitted to him. "I understand that you wish to honour your father, but I wonder if this is the right way."

"I believe so," Commodus spoke to her. "However, I must dress, Livia. I need to conclude my meeting with the Senate. I would like for you to join me."

Livia shook her head. "Commodus, I do not belong there. I know nothing of how to rule."

"But you are to be my wife and I wish for you to be by my side," Commodus responded. "Please, Livia. I need you with me."

It took a moment before Livia nodded and she felt him move to kiss her before starting to dress again. Letting out a deep breath, she wondered if Commodus truly knew what he was doing.

...

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	12. Chapter 12

Livia knew that she didn't belong where she was currently stood. She had dressed in one of her nicer robes, the pale blue colour of it emphasising her fair skin and hair. She had brushed her hair hastily, well aware that Commodus was waiting for her to join him. She had taken hold of his hand as the two of them returned to the Senate. The room was filled with Senators and Livia did her best not to crack underneath their scrutinising stare. She saw Lucilla stood in the corner as Commodus moved a hand in the air, indicating that he was ready for business to begin.

He perched down on a seat as Livia remained stood by his side. Their hands had dropped from each other. Livia had been the one to move her hand from his, not wanting to attract anymore attention. Looking to Lucilla for a second, Livia noticed there was a look of concern in her gaze. Livia frowned, wondering what Lucilla was thinking. She looked away from her gaze and down to the ground.

"For your guidance, Caesar, the Senate has prepared a list of protocols to address the many problems that Rome is facing," Gracchus called out as he moved closer to Commodus. "It begins with basic sanitation for drinking water to combat the plague."

Commodus nodded his head at hearing him and then held a hand up as Livia felt her palms begin to sweat, wondering if Commodus was ready for this. She looked down to him and all that she could see was a man who had been forced to become Emperor too soon. Commodus knew nothing of ruling, nor did he know how to keep people happy. Livia knew that.

"Sh," Commodus whispered, silencing the Senator. "Don't you see, Gracchus? My father spent all his time studying. He would lock himself away with books and philosophy. He would read from the Senate, but after all that time, the people were forgotten."

Commodus moved to his feet then and began to walk around as Livia watched him, seeing that there was a tenseness to his movements. She remained still as Lucilla examined her brother, knowing that there was already something going on in his mind.

"But the Senate are the people," Gracchus responded.

Commodus chuckled then, looking back to him. "I doubt the people eat as well as you do, Gracchus," he said and then turned his attention to Gaius, his brow arching as he recalled their earlier conversation. "Or have such fine mistresses, Gaius."

"Then perhaps Caesar can tell us about the people from his own extensive history of ruling," Gracchus said and there were soft chuckles around the room as Livia's eyes widened, unable to believe that Gracchus had mocked Commodus in such a manner.

Livia watched the back of Commodus as his hands clasped together. He was still for a moment, not rising to the bait as Lucilla's expression grew with concern.

"It is called love," Commodus said in a far off voice. "The people are my children. I shall hold them to me and embrace them tightly-"

"-Have you ever embraced someone dying of plague, Caesar?" Gracchus demanded and Commodus turned to look to him, a sneer on his face as he took a step forwards, his motions slow, but his face one of thunder.

"No," Commodus said. "But if you ever interrupt me again then I ensure you that you shall."

The threat hung in the air and Livia moved then as Lucilla also pushed herself to her feet and moved quicker than Livia. She stood in front of her brother and looked to Gracchus as Livia stood still, uncertain of what more she could do. She knew that they were watching her. Her eye had caught Gaiuss's and it was almost as though he expected her to have control over Commodus.

"My brother is very tired," Lucilla said as Commodus threw a glare to her. "Give your requests to me. I shall ensure that Caesar shall look through them."

Livia had no chance to stay and listen to the end of the conversation. Instead she felt Commodus take hold of her hand, not caring who was watching as he took his leave. Storming out of the meeting hall, he made his ways through corridors as Livia tried to make him stop. He finally did so, standing still as he let go of her hand and looked to her.

"Who are they to lecture me?" he asked from her.

"Commodus, they are the Senate," Livia said. "I do not think that they were lecturing you. They were simply telling you of Rome's position."

"Commodus," Lucilla called over to him as she made her presence known. "You should not act like that. The Senate has its uses."

"What uses?" Commodus demanded from her. "It should just be us…me…you…Livia."

"No," Livia said with haste as Commodus turned his back to them and moved to take a seat in the chair reserved for the Emperor, lounging back in it as Lucilla felt her eyes widen and her voice grew harsh as she snapped at her brother.

"Do not even think it," she demanded from him. "There has always been a Senate."

"Rome has changed," Commodus said, removing the crown from his head and placing it on the table next to him. "It needs a Emperor to rule an Empire."

"Of course," Lucilla said. "But the people are there. There are traditions."

"But my father fought wars against the barbarians. They never saw it. They never saw the bloodshed and they never met the barbarians, yet they love father for it."

Lucilla took her turn to begin pacing as Livia remained silent, not wishing to involve herself in the sibling's conversations. She played with the material of the cloth she wore, her teeth chewing down on her cheek as she looked to the crown besides Commodus.

"People love victories, Commodus," Lucilla merely responded to him.

"But why?" Commodus asked from her, his voice lowering slightly. "Why do they care?"

"They care about the greatness of Rome," Lucilla said and Commodus nodded his head and leant forwards slightly.

"The greatness of Rome," he echoed. "And what is that?" he sneered as Lucilla looked down to him and stood still.

"It is an idea," Lucilla said. "Greatness is simply a vision."

"Exactly," Commodus said. "Greatness is a vision. Do you not see? I shall give the people a vision of Rome and they will love me for it. They will soon forget the Senate and they will see the greatest vision they have ever witnessed."

Livia suspected he was talking about the games he had mentioned to her earlier. She remained still, her spine slightly stiff as she Commodus take hold of his sister by her hand, kissing the back of it tenderly as Livia remained stood where she was. It took her a minute before she saw Commodus look to her, his gaze landing on her as he let go of his sister's hand.

"Livia, my love," he cooed to her and she stepped forwards. "Tell me what you think."

Livia shook her head. "I…I think that Lucilla is correct," Livia admitted to him and Commodus almost looked annoyed, but he continued to listen to her as he offered her his hand and she took it as he stood from his seat, his sister watching the interaction.

"How so?" Commodus wondered from her, the back of his hand moving over her cheek to sweep her hair from her face.

"The Senate speak for the people," Livia spoke in a gentle voice to him. "They are elected by the people. If the people did not want a Senate then they would make that known. They would not vote…they would rebel…they would not go to the Senate with their problems."

"So you think that they will adore the Senate more than me?" Commodus wondered and Livia shook her head with haste then.

"Of course not," she said. "But I think that you need the Senate to tell you of what the people want. You cannot be expected to know what it is Rome needs. The Senate can tell you and then you can deliver on those issues. They will adore you then for it."

Lucilla watched as Commodus seemed to comprehend what Livia was saying. Doing her best not to drag the girl away from her brother, Lucilla felt herself wondering if this was the best-case scenario. Livia was able to get through to Commodus. She was able to talk to him and he listened to her. Perhaps she could make Commodus a better Caesar. Of course, she knew it was not fair on the girl. She had no idea what her brother had done in Germania and a part of Lucilla wondered if she should fear for Livia's safety.

"You speak sense, my love," Commodus whispered to her.

"Then perhaps we should read through the list of the Senate's requests?" Livia suggested to him as she looked to Lucilla for the scroll. Arching a brow, Livia continued to watch Lucilla before she handed her it. Taking it from Lucilla, Livia handed it to Commodus and he grasped it in his fingertips.

"Perhaps we should," Commodus echoed back to Livia before he squeezed hold of her hand inside of his and then looked to his sister. "We shall see you this evening, sister."

"Of course," Lucilla said, watching as Commodus led Livia away.

She longed to chase after her and take hold of her. She wanted to protect her. She needed to protect her. But she only worried what Commodus might do if Livia knew the entire truth.

…

The night was late as Livia finished with the scroll from the Senate. She had been reading their requests to Commodus and he had agreed with most of them. Livia had urged him to send word to the Senate that he was amicable to their suggestions and he had a guard send them word. He had spent that evening in her chamber, wrapped up in her grip as she rested by his side. She had changed into her nightgown while Commodus had simply stripped down to his tunic. He had cradled her by his side, his arm around her shoulders as his other arm moved to her waist, his hand holding hers.

"I know that you do not trust the Senate," Livia said to him in a whisper, her thumbs stroking his knuckles softly, "but I think that they might have their uses, Commodus. Your sister is right."

"After what they have done I trust none of them," Commodus informed her and Livia's lips quirked and she nodded her head. "They would have made you my mistress if they had their way. What do they know, Livia?"

"And I hated the idea as much as you hate it," Livia promised him as she felt one of his hands move to her hair, his fingers running down the length of it. "However, the Senate are no fools. They know that it would make more sense for you to marry someone of better standing than an orphan."

"They can attempt to control my actions," Commodus said, his hand lifting hers to his lips as he kissed the back of it. "But I will never permit them to control my heart."

Livia felt her stomach grow with longing as she leaned up, propping herself onto her elbow as she bent down to kiss him, the motion slow and sensual as Commodus moved his hand from her hair to press down into the small of her back. He brought her body closer to his as she pressed a hand to his chest. Pulling back after a moment, he looked her in the eye as he saw her smile to him.

"You are the only one I need, Livia," Commodus whispered. "The Senate…everyone else…you are the one I need by my side to be successful. I know that."

"I don't know about that," Livia said, her hand moving up his chest and along his neck until she cupped his cheek in her fingertips. She ran the ends of her fingers through his hair as he continued to watch her smile at him. "I can only offer you advice. I do not pretend to know all that there is to know about Rome."

"Perhaps not," Commodus agreed with her. "However, I wish for you to be by my side during the games when they commence."

"I told you that I will always be by your side," Livia said, stroking his cheek slowly.

"No," Commodus shook his head. "As my wife, Livia."

Livia let out a sharp breath and Commodus looked concerned then, his brows knitting together as he frowned and looked her in the eye.

"You do not wish to marry me?" he demanded from her.

"No, I do," Livia said nodding hastily. "You know that I do, but I didn't think that you would wish to marry me so soon."

"I cannot think of a better time," Commodus said to her. "Say yes, Livia. Tell me that you shall marry me and I shall have everything arranged as soon as I can. Just tell me you love me and will marry me."

Livia nodded. "Of course I love you," she said. "And I would love to marry you, Commodus, but I do not want to aggrieve the Senate further…or marry so soon after your father's death when you have not had chance to grieve him."

"My love, I have told you that the Senate do not matter," Commodus said to her. "And my father gave his blessing. Do not be scared, Livia. There is nothing to fear so long as you are with me. I will keep you safe from everything out there…the Senate…anyone who questions us…I will see to it that none of it matters, only us."

Bending down, Livia kissed him once more, her lips laying over his for a few moments. She pulled back and nodded at him, her forehead resting on his as Commodus finally allowed himself to smile.

"I never knew you could be so romantic," she teased him and he chuckled.

"Only for you, my love."

…

Sitting at breakfast the following morning, Commodus prepared to break his fast as his sister sat across from him. He had left Livia sleeping, kissing her on the forehead tenderly before covering her in a sheet and moving to his own chamber to change. He dressed in purple finery before moving to the dining hall. Lucilla was already sat there, but she was not eating. Sitting down across from her, Commodus inclined his head towards her as she toyed with the necklace around her neck.

"Good morning, sister," he greeted her.

"Commodus," she responded, her voice tight.

"I trust you slept well after so much travelling?"

"Very well," Lucilla said. "I did not have to make a tonic for you last night either. I take it you shared Livia's chambers."

Commodus arched a brow. "Does that surprise you?" Commodus asked of her.

"I would have hoped that you would wait until you are married," Lucilla admitted. "I do not wish for rumours to spread. Regardless, I will go and speak with Livia when she awakes."

Looking to his sister, he wondered if she dared to tell Livia what she thought might be the truth. Commodus had watched her that night their father died. She had slapped him across the face before kissing his hand. He knew that she had suspicions, but he had hoped that she would keep them to herself. Regardless, Commodus had to make certain that she did not poison his Livia against him.

"She would like that," Commodus nodded his head. "Although, I would be appeased if you tried to avoid talk of rumours that may cause her distress."

Lucilla arched a brow in her brother's direction. "Such as?"

"I take it you know how the Senate wish for her to be my mistress and not my wife," Commodus declared. "I would have none of that discussed in front of her. I do not wish to see her upset or question our relationship."

"I see," Lucilla said and Commodus arched a brow.

"Do you?" Commodus asked from his sister. "I know Livia. I know when something plagues her mind…I know when someone has told her something that is a falsity. I know when she is upset…or when she has something that she wishes to hide from me. I know her."

Lucilla tried to remain composed, knowing full well what her brother was doing. All that she could do was nod her head at him as he kept his stare on her. His gaze was harsh and even, his face holding a knowing look. He had no further chance to speak with his sister as he saw Livia enter the dining hall. She was dressed in fine dark blue silk, her hair hanging down her shoulders. Compared to his sister, she wore no jewellery, preferring not to waste time with it. Commodus smiled as he stood up and held his arm out to her.

"My love," he greeted her as she stepped into his embrace and he kissed her chastely. "I trust you slept well?"

"Very well," Livia said as Commodus pulled a chair out for her to sit in.

She perched down into it as Commodus sat next to her, a hand moving to her thigh as Livia looked to Lucilla as Commodus spoke.

"Lucilla was wondering if you wished to spend time with her this morning," Commodus spoke as Livia nodded.

"I would love to," Livia said.

"Excellent," Lucilla said as Commodus caught her eye once more, both of them exchanging a knowing look as he bent over to kiss Livia on the cheek.

…

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	13. Chapter 13

Wandering through the courtyard and perching on a bench, Livia looked to Lucilla. The two women had been walking through the gardens for about half an hour and Lucilla had done nothing but utter pleasantries to Livia. She had been cautious of engaging in conversation and each word she said had been weighted and calculated. Livia wondered what was going on.

"Lucilla, you have hardly been your usual self since you returned," Livia said with a deep sigh, unable to hold back her comment. It was another moment before Lucilla looked to Livia and nodded her head. She let out a deep breath.

Looking to the young woman, Lucilla wondered if she should tell her the truth. She knew that it would be for the best, but she didn't. Instead, she remained silent on what she suspected. She couldn't do it. She couldn't tell Livia and risk Commodus finding out. As much as she adored her brother, she couldn't help but admit that she feared him.

"It is nothing," Lucilla chose to say. "I am still tired from so much travelling and I am still thinking of father. It is nothing to do with you, Livia. It is just me."

Livia didn't know if that was entirely honest, but she didn't bother to question Lucilla. Instead she made conversation with her and Lucilla tried her best to appear more engaged in conversation. She wondered if Livia could see through her, but she didn't care. She only cared about keeping Commodus appeased. It was just before lunch when the two women returned inside and noted Commodus at his desk, perched in his chair and writing letters.

He moved to his feet as soon as he saw the two of them enter. It took a moment before he let his eyes wander from Livia to his sister, seeing a forlorn look on her face. He didn't know what she had said, but judging by the way Livia embraced him, his sister had done as he had asked. Pulling back, he kept Livia in his arms and kissed her chastely as Lucilla looked away, a sense of anger coursing through her.

"I take it you had a nice stroll?" Commodus said, keeping Livia in his grip as she nodded her head.

"We did," she said to him and he looked to Lucilla.

"Sister?" he asked from her.

"Lovely," Lucilla said, her brows arching on her forehead. "I am going to go and see Lucius. I will see you before dinner this evening."

"Of course, Lucilla," Commodus responded.

Watching her go, Livia frowned and Commodus noted her face. Moving his hands to cup her cheeks, he brought her gaze back to his and she struggled to comprehend what was happening as she let out a sigh. Commodus's brows knitted together and he pursed his lips.

"Is something wrong?"

"No," Livia said. "Well, I don't think so."

"Talk to me," Commodus urged from her, taking her by the hand and leading her to sit on the bench in the corner of the room. She perched down, her hand holding onto his as she moved her other hand to sweep her hair behind her shoulder, revealing her bare skin from where her strap didn't cover it. Commodus tried to keep his gaze on her eyes, but he couldn't help but notice her bare skin, wondering how long he had before the Senate demanded his attention again.

"Lucilla was fine with me," Livia said to him. "But it seemed as though there was something on her mind. When I asked her she said that she was simply tired and still upset, which I completely understand. But I was just worried."

Commodus wanted to inhale a sharp breath, but he remained calm and nonchalant. His sister had clearly not told Livia her suspicions, but she had not been able to stop herself from looking worried. It took another second before Commodus sighed and shook his head.

"No doubt that is all there is to it," Commodus promised her, trying to remain light. "You know how Lucilla can be. Besides, she is probably still concerned over the fact that I am still sharing your chamber. She asked me to wait until we were married and she did not look pleased."

"Well, she might have a point," Livia said, playing with his fingers inside of hers as her lips quirked and Commodus noted the sly smirk on her face as she peered up to him. "We are not exactly being proper about our relationship."

"Do you wish to be?" Commodus wondered from her.

"I…I thought that I did," Livia said to him. "I always prided myself on being proper, but the thought of sleeping without you by my side fills me with dread now. Besides, we intend to be wed, that is good enough for me."

"I am glad to hear that," Commodus whispered to her. "Because I am wondering if we have time to go to my chamber before my next meeting with the Senate."

Livia felt her lips quirk as butterflies seemed to manifest themselves in her stomach. Commodus smirked as he felt her move closer to him and kiss him, her lips moving against his as his hand went to her shoulder, stroking the bare skin there as he tugged on the strap of her toga. She pulled back then after chewing down on his bottom lip and stood up.

"I will meet you there soon," she said to him. "Count to one hundred and then join me."

"As you wish," Commodus said, a dark tone to his voice as he looked at her with a gleam in her eye.

She looked back to him, her head over her shoulder as she sauntered away. She turned to face forwards, laughing into her hands as she rushed along to his chamber. She was well aware that his Praetorian Guard roamed the hallways and followed Commodus to keep him safe. She ignored stares from the ones as she passed, sneaking into his chamber and moving with haste. She perched down on the edge of the bed and waited with patience. She knew that he must not have counted to one hundred as he opened the door and entered with haste.

Picking her up from the side of the bed, his arm wrapped around her waist as his lips attacked her. He felt her laughing against his lips, their teeth hitting together due to her motions. He pulled back after a second and bent down to kiss her along the neck, questioning her as he went.

"And what is so funny, my love?" he wondered from her.

"You could not count until one hundred before coming here?" she enquired from him and Commodus did smirk then as he moved back up to kiss her on the lips squarely. He pulled back after that and looked her in the eye as he pulled her straps down her arms.

"When it comes to you, I doubt that I will ever be able to contain myself," he admitted to her and she moved to kiss him once more, unable to resist him as her lips pressed to his and they lost themselves in each other for an hour.

…

Leaving Livia to sleep, Commodus stood over the small model of the Coliseum, imaging how grand it would be once the games came to life. If he closed his eyes, he swore that he could hear the roar of the crowd and the smell of excitement. Opening his eyes again, he looked the model and smirked, knowing that he could gain the people's love from these games. People enjoyed entertainment and they found the games entertaining. He was controlling the mob. He was gaining their affection.

He didn't know how long he had stood by the Coliseum before he felt arms wrap around his waist, hands flat on his stomach. He closed his eyes again as he inhaled her familiar scent. He felt her lips against the side of his neck as her fingers bunched into the orange material of his tunic. His hands went to rest on top of hers, his fingers threading through hers.

"Come back to bed," she urged from him and he chuckled, his back against her chest as she remained in the white nightgown she had changed into.

"I wish that I could," Commodus responded. "Yet Rome cannot rule itself, my love."

She let out a deep breath. "I know," she said, kissing his neck once more. "I suppose that I am being selfish. We have been parted for a month and I want to make up for lost time. I just want you to myself…not to have to share you with Rome."

Commodus felt his chest ache at hearing her, swearing that he had never heard such lovely words from someone. He could not help himself from feeling this way. He could not help himself from loving the fact that someone loved him. Someone truly adored him for who he was. His sister could barely look at him. His father had never adored him. But Livia was different. Livia was his and she had chosen him.

"Come here," Commodus urged, turning around and moving to wrap his arms around her, holding onto her tightly as his arms wound around her waist and flattened on the small of her back. He kissed her slowly and sensually. Pulling back, his nose brushed her. "Do you know what you do to me when I hear you speak like that?"

"I hope it makes you feel as I do whenever you talk to me like that," Livia said and moved slowly back to kiss him again. "Loved," she answered.

…

Lucilla had seen her brother exit his chamber, but she had also seen Livia remain in his bed as Commodus told her that he would return soon. Guilt took over Lucilla as she wandered the hallways. It was a moment or two before she came across Gracchus. Looking to him, he caught her eye and nodded his head, urging her to follow him.

Moving off to the side, Lucilla made certain that her brother had not spotted her as she wandered off with him and the two of them stood on a balcony.

"Your brother loves Livia, does he not?" Gracchus asked from her and Lucilla arched a brow.

"A brash greeting, Senator," she said and Gracchus smirked as Lucilla allowed her lips to quirk.

"Apologies, my lady," he said to her. "But there are concerns in the Senate over your brother."

"What concerns?" Lucilla enquired.

"We have heard rumours, my lady," Gracchus said in a low voice. "We have heard rumours of what happened in Germania and we are worried."

"I see," Lucilla said. "I shall not speak out against the Caesar."

"Nor shall we," Gracchus said. "We simply wish to ensure that Rome is in good hands. We understand how your brother can be. Your gentle words calmed him yesterday and he returned to us saying that he would listen to our requests. We suspect that was something to do with Livia."

"I suspect it would have been," Lucilla said with a firm nod of her head. "He is besotted with her."

"As is she with him," Gracchus said. "However, a time might come where the Emperor stops listening to her. We worry what might happen when that time comes."

Lucilla closed her eyes for a second and then peered off to the side, looking into the distance. It took her a moment to swallow down the lump in her throat before turning to look to Gracchus again.

"I only pray that time never comes," Lucilla admitted to him. "She keeps him grounded. She keeps him sane. She is what he needs. I see that."

Gracchus arched his brows and furrowed them together. "Then why do I sense you are scared for her?"

Lucilla gulped once more. "Because I know how he can be…I know how he acts…and I have seen him upset her before. I only worry that he might do it again and this time there might be no return."

Gracchus nodded his head. "Then what do you suggest we do?"

"There is nothing that we can do," Lucilla said. "We can simply pray to the Gods that he will make a fine ruler with Livia by his side."

Gracchus seemed appeared with that answer. He nodded his head and began to walk off, leaving Lucilla alone as she bowed her head and wondered just how she could keep Livia safe should it come to that.

…

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	14. Chapter 14

Commodus smiled as Livia laughed, unable to stop herself as he kept her in his grip, his hands tickling along her side as he pinned her underneath him in his bed. Her laugh was loud and contagious as she continued her squirming, her hands going to his shoulders to try to push him from her, but she failed as he continued to tease her. It was a few moments later when he stopped, his movements ceasing as his hands remained content simply holding onto her waist, his grip tight as he rested between her parted thighs, her hands moving to stroke through his hair as her laughter died down.

"I could listen to you laugh all day," he whispered to her and she scoffed, pushing at his shoulder teasingly and gently.

"Well I could not have you tickle me like that all day," she responded to him.

"I would hate to tease you for so long," he responded and lowered his lips to hers once more, kissing her slowly before pulling back and moving to rest on his side besides her.

Livia rolled onto her side on the bed, propping her head up on her hand as she looked down to him, her other hand going to his bare chest. Her fingers ran along the panes of his chest and stomach as Commodus rested on his back. He moved a hand to her hair, brushing it behind her ear so that he could revel in her blushing.

"When do you have to go?" she enquired from him.

"I am listening to the finishing preparations of the games today. They begin next week," Commodus informed her. "And I would like you sat by my side, my love…as my wife."

Livia's eyes widened then. Her hands stilled on his chest as Commodus looked to her. She began smiling then, the grimace gone on her face as she looked down to him. She moved then, her legs slipping either side of him as she sat on his lap. Commodus moved to sit up then, his hands slipping around her waist as their bare chests brushed together. Draping her arms over his neck, she let her fingers dangle down the nape, feeling the wisps of hair.

"Do you mean it?" she asked of him. "Commodus, do you mean it?"

"I would not have said it if I had not meant it," he informed her and he felt her shake slightly out of excitement as she moved to kiss him. It was more a brush of teeth due to her constant smile on her face as Commodus also let himself grin widely at the feeling of her. Pulling back after four short kisses, she let her forehead rest against his.

"That does not give us much time," she informed him and Commodus shrugged, the back of his hand moving to run down the length of her hair.

"I do not need much time," he promised her in a whisper. "I am the Emperor, remember? I can have you a fine ring for your finger to symbol our engagement…we do not need an engagement party, nor do we need any people there except for ten witnesses. However, you deserve a grand wedding."

"But you will be there?" she asked from him. "I have heard of husbands not turning up to their own wedding to their wives, but send a letter of intent."

Commodus shook his head. "Do you think that I would miss the chance to see you dressed in wedding attire, my love? I want to see you dressed in white with a veil…I assume Lucilla will be your bridesmaid?"

"I would like that," she said with a nod of her head. "I just…there is no family of mine…my father and mother…it just makes me sad that they cannot see me here."

"But they would have been so proud," Commodus promised her. "I can have a sacrifice offered before the wedding and a stunning wedding breakfast. I can also have a seamstress here first thing in the morning to have you a tunic made and a girdle."

Livia laughed softly and shook her head. "Commodus, the girdle is used by the bride's mother to signify the bride's purity. I am hardly pure. You have seen to that."

Commodus saw the cheeky look in her eye as he moved his hands to the small of her back, pressing her body tightly against his as she ran her hands through his hair, stroking it slowly and softly. Commodus moved to press a kiss to her neck.

"Have I truly corrupted you so?"

"Only because I wanted you to," she responded. "But I want to marry you."

"Then it shall be done," Commodus promised her.

…

Lucilla could hardly believe that her brother had rushed ahead with this wedding. He had invited ten witnesses, as was tradition, but he had no one else invited. While he had wanted a large and lavish ceremony to show off his new bride, Livia had said that she wanted a quiet wedding and Commodus had agreed. It had been anything that she had wanted.

"None of this is traditional," Livia complained to Lucilla the night before she was due to wed Commodus. Her tunic was laid out on her bed and she was sat at her vanity, pulling a comb through her hair as she turned to look to Lucilla, her eyes wide as Lucilla perched at the end of her bed, a brow arched on her forehead.

"How so?"

"I have no family, Lucilla," Livia said. "The ceremony is usually at the home of the bride's parents and my only home that I have known is here."

"Commodus has the ceremony taking place in the atrium," Lucilla said to her. "He wants to ensure that everything is perfect. He will see to that."

"I have no father to be with me…I just…I feel that…it is only now when I feel as though I really miss my mother and father. Of course, I think about them every day, but I wish that they were here. I wish that they could see me marrying Commodus."

Lucilla gulped. A part of her felt sorry for Livia, but a part of her felt as though her parents would be distraught if they knew the truth. However, if they knew, would they be able to stop their daughter? Would they have dared to go against the Emperor? Lucilla knew what he was capable of and she hated to admit that she was scared of her brother. She only wondered if anyone else was scared of him.

"I know," was all that Lucilla could offer her.

"But how did you feel when you were to be married?" Livia asked. "Did you feel nervous?"

"Of course," Lucilla said with a smile, remembering her belated husband. She remembered him fondly. Lucius Verus had been nothing but kind and adoring to her. It was true that her heart belonged to another. It always had. But there was nothing between her and Maximus. They had both moved on and married. They had been young when their friendship had become something more romantic, yet both of them had no option to explore it.

"How did you cope?"

Lucilla shrugged and moved to her feet, taking hold of the brush from Livia as she ran it down the girl's soft curls which seemed to have lightened in the sun. Livia looked straight ahead and outside the balcony, her eyes wide as she allowed Lucilla to brush her hair and tie it into an intricate plait.

"I do not think that I coped entirely well," Lucilla admitted. "I loved my husband, of course, but when we were wed I…well…you know how I felt."

Livia had only been young when Lucilla had wed her husband, but she could always remember Maximus. The General had made quite an impression on Lucilla.

"Whatever happened to Maximus?" Livia wondered. "I can only vaguely remember him, Lucilla. He was always kind to me. I was only a child back then."

Lucilla let her lips quirk as her eyes threatened to spill with tears. She didn't know how she could tell Livia the truth. Her brother had sent for Maximus to be killed. He had done that. The vicious Emperor had demanded for Maximus to be murdered because he knew the truth. What would he do to Lucilla if Livia knew the truth? Would he harm her? Would he harm her son? Or, the Gods forbid, would he harm Livia?

"He fought alongside my father, but I have…well…I saw him at the camp, but I did not see him again. Our relationship happened many years ago, Livia."

"But did you love him?" she enquired, turning her head over her shoulder to look to Lucilla.

"I…I do not know," Lucilla said with a shake of her head. "Our time together was cut short before we could explore our feelings."

"I see," was all that Livia culd say in response to that. She remained silent for a few seconds as Lucilla perched down next to her, a hand moving to the young woman's cheek and cradling it gently as she saw nervousness in her gaze.

"Do you want this?" Lucilla enquired from her. "Do you want to wed my brother?"

Truth be known, Lucilla did not know what she could do if the girl said no. She doubted she would be able to stop the wedding. She was already on the edge of playing a dangerous game with her brother. She had finally seen him for what he was, but Livia was still blinded by him. She was still besotted with him.

"I love Commodus," Livia said with a nod of her head. "I am just nervous, Lucilla. He is the Emperor and I am to be his wife. I never thought that I would be the wife of an Emperor. I am scared about everything that comes with marrying him…the expectations…people looking at me…whispering and gossiping…I will accept all of it if it means that I can be with Commodus, but it does not make me any less nervous."

Lucilla nodded, seeming to understand what she was saying. She was worried about what people would think of her and not her feelings for Commodus. Lucilla chewed down on her lip and moved to embrace Livia, holding her in her arms as she took hold of her. Keeping hold of her tightly, she longed to be able to protect the girl from Commodus. She longed to keep her wrapped up in her arms and save her. But she did not possess that power. Commodus was the one who held everything now.

…

Commodus waited with patience the following morning. He had dressed in all white, his tunic and armour fitting of an Emperor. His crown adorned his head as he wore his rings on his fingers. He had been waiting in the atrium patiently, his nephew seated alongside the ten witnesses, including Senator Gracchus, Gaius and Falco. There were other Senators there, but Commodus had refused to let the entire Senate join him for this wedding. While he had longed for a grand affair, his bride to be had been less keen. She had pleaded for a quiet wedding and she had urged Commodus to agree. He had done. He had sacrificed an animal, as tradition stated, opting for a pig, and the omens had shone down on him. He wondered if the man reading the omens dared to question them to the Emperor.

Yet Commodus did not care. He waited with patience for Livia to make her appearance known. Lucilla had agreed to be a bridesmaid and she had walked into the atrium, her arm tucked into Livia's. Commodus felt his breathing falter at the sight of her.

Dressed in pure white, her veil covered her face and trailed down to the floor. Her hair was pulled up in a customary manner while some white flowers hung in it. No doubt Lucilla had helped her pull them from the garden that morning. Commodus himself could not quite believe the vision walking towards him. Standing in front of the priest, she turned to look to Commodus, smiling softly as he longed to take her hand and be bound together.

Instead he simply had to settle on speaking to her.

"You look radiant, my love," he whispered and he saw her cheeks blush.

Livia could only remain silent as she waited. The prise began by ordering evil spirits to leave before asking the spirits for heir blessing of the union. Livia could hardly listen to him as she kept her eyes on Commodus. He looked besotted and she couldn't help but feel her chest heave at the thought that he was besotted with her. When it came to giving her hand to Commodus, Lucilla stepped forwards.

Holding tightly onto Livia's fingers, she leant in and kissed her tenderly on the cheek before looking to her brother. Commodus moved his eyes reluctantly onto her, his eyes shining with something other than power. He looked genuinely happy. Lucilla moved slowly, knowing that once she had given Livia's hand to Commodus they would be wed by law. Gulping loudly, she moved and finally let Livia's hand rest in Commodus's.

Stepping back, she watched as Livia told Commodus that she would be his wife, wherever he was. And then it was over. Commodus moved slowly, his large hands pulling up the veil and removing it from her face, placing it behind her head instead. Freeing up her skin to him, he moved his hands to cover her cheeks and leant forwards, bending slightly to place his lips over hers. Kissing her softly, Lucilla heard a few claps before she wondered just what she had allowed to happen.

…

Livia had sat through the marriage ceremony after the witnesses had signed the marriage contract. She had kept her hand inside of Commodus's, unable to get used to the feeling of the iron ring which sat around her finger. Looking to Commodus, she would often move to peck him on the cheek and he gladly accepted her affection. Only when she had yawned softly into her hand did Commodus insist on taking her to his chamber, but this time there was no reason for her to feel ashamed. She did not back away from him, nor did she insist on them not being seen together.

With two men guarding the door, Commodus closed it behind him before moving to his wife. Kissing her slowly and sensually, he moved his hand to the nape of her neck while his other hand went to her waist, tugging her body tightly against his own.

"My wife," he whispered once he had pulled back from her, looking her in the eye as he continued to smirk. "My beautiful wife."

Livia laughed at hearing that, shaking her head as a hand went to his chest, her palm pressing flat against it as she moved forwards and kissed him on the lips again.

"And you are my husband," she said. "Do you think we will ever get used to saying that?"

Twirling her underneath his arm, Commodus heard her laugh loudly again as he kept her back pressed to his chest harshly, refusing to let her go as he bent down and kissed her neck, hearing her moan softly. He tried his best to push the veil out of his way as it kept hitting his cheek, but he was failing miserably. Muttering in a small voice, he felt her fingers lace into his against her stomach.

"How do I get this wretched thing off?" Commodus enquired, frustration in his voice as Livia continued to laugh and turned around.

Moving to kiss him, she let her lips press against his a couple of times. "It is fixed into my hair. Give me a few minutes."

Commodus watched her move to sit down at the vanity he had instructed to be brought into his chamber for his new wife alongside all of her belongings. His chamber was now mixed with items from both of them and Commodus adored it. While it was often customary for husband and wife to maintain separate chambers sometimes, he did not want that for him and Livia. He wanted to share her bed every night.

"I trust you are happy," Commodus said to her as he began to unstrap his armour from his body, throwing it into a chair in the corner of the room. He did not care for neatness this evening.

"Happier than I have ever been," Livia promised him as she fiddled with the pins in her hair, wincing slightly as she tugged them out and her hair fell in clumps down her shoulders. "And you?"

"Do you truly need to ask?" Commodus wondered from her.

He remained in his simple tunic as he went to lounge on the bed and wait for her. She slowly managed to pull the veil from her head along with the flowers. Commodus watched her saunter to the bed and collapse onto the side of it. Closing her eyes, she rested her head by his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"You are not tired, are you, my love?" he asked from her.

She smirked and patted his chest. "I did not sleep much last night," she admitted. "I was nervous."

"About what, sweetling?"

"Today," Livia said. "Not about marrying you, of course, but…just…what people might think of you marrying an orphan like me…someone beneath you. Lucilla managed to speak with me though. She managed to calm me. I asked her how she had felt before she had been married."

"And what did she say?" Commodus wondered, his hand stroking her hair slowly and softly against his fingertips as her arm draped over his waist.

"She told me she too was nervous," she said with a nod of her head. "But then we spoke about other things and I asked her about Maximus."

Commodus froze then, his hand stilling against her hair as she propped herself up to look to him. He tried to keep his gaze soft, not wanting to think of the General he had ordered to be executed. How did he tell his wife that he had made sure Maximus did not return home? How did he tell her that? He did not wish to. He did not want to discuss Maximus on his wedding night.

"That was such a long time ago," Commodus managed to say with a slightly nervous laugh, wondering if she had picked up on it. If she had, then she said nothing. "Lucilla married and she had been happy with her husband. Regardless, it is our wedding night, Livia. All that I wish to think of is you."

Livia smiled softly at hearing him and moved to kiss him again. Nodding her head, she seemed to understand what he was saying as she felt his hand cup her cheek.

"I love you," she whispered as her lips brushed his. "Never forget that."

"And I you, my love," he said in a whisper.

…

Livia awoke the next morning feeling nothing but elation. She had spent the evening sleeping and indulging her husband. She still felt odd calling him her husband. She had awoken in his arms and found that he was still sleeping peacefully. Rolling over to face him, she had bit down on her lip as she contemplated waking him and insisting that they indulge in each other once more before they had to break their fast. Just as her hands found and brushed his bare chest, she felt a sense of nausea pass through her. Pressing a hand to her mouth, she moved from the bed, grateful that Caesar had his own toilet in an adjoining room. Grabbing her robe on the way, she flung it over her body as she went.

Rushing to it, she fell to her knees as she allowed herself to be ill, wondering what was happening. She began to sob, unable to stop herself as she emptied the contents of her stomach. It took only a few minutes before Commodus was behind her, fixing a tunic on his body. Kneeling down on the floor behind her, Commodus reached for her hair, tugging it behind her shoulders.

"My love, what is it?" he demanded from her, his voice full of concern as she continued to bend over the marble toilet, tears down her cheeks. "Livia…sweetling…are you ill?"

Livia coughed and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She collapsed back onto her heels and rubbed her eyes. Looking to Commodus, she shook her head.

"I am well," she assured him in a small voice. "I just felt ill."

"I shall send for the best doctor Rome has to offer," Commodus said to her.

"No…" Livia said, moving to grip onto his forearms as he took hold of her arms too. "I feel well now, Commodus. I wonder if it was something I ate at the feast last night. I feel well."

"Livia," Commodus spoke in an urging tone.

"No," she said with a shake of her head. "Just let me return to bed. I shall be well."

Commodus sighed, but nodded. He moved to his feet and hauled his wife to stand with him. Wrapping an arm around her waist, Commodus knocked her feet from under her, cradling her against him as he carried her back to the bed.

"I can walk," Livia complained to him.

"At least humour me somewhat," Commodus urged from her and laid her back down, allowing her head to rest on the pillow.

He pulled the sheet back up to her neck and perched on the side of the bed. Moving a hand to her forehead, he let his fingers brush over it. "You are warm," he commented.

"I am fine," she spoke again. "Just let me sleep and allow this nausea to pass. You…go and break your fast…I am certain you will have business to attend to with the Senate."

"The Senate can wait," Commodus informed her and moved to sit next to her on the bed. He remained sat up as she laid down. "I will wait her to make certain you are well, my love."

"Commodus-"

"-Do not protest," he demanded from her. "Now rest. I will be here when you wake."

It didn't take her long to drift back to sleep, her hand reaching out to hold his against his thigh as her eyes closed and her breathing turned shallower. Commodus continued to watch her sleep, his mind going back to their conversation the previous night. He let his thoughts return to Maximus as he swore to do everything in his power to never let the Spaniard be remembered again.

…

A/N: Quite a long chapter. Do let me know what you think!


	15. Chapter 15

Livia watched on as Commodus finished readying himself for the day a week later. She was still in bed, her hands on her stomach as she watched him place his rings onto his fingers. He was dressed in his purple and black armour, his crown adoring his head. Looking to his wife in the bed, she remained in her white nightgown. Her hair was pulled on the top of her head and Commodus saw the arch of her neck as she leaned her head back and her lips parted slightly as a gasp escaped her.

"What is it?" Commodus asked from her. "Do you feel ill again?"

"Slightly," she said to him as she sat up straight again and Commodus moved to kneel by her side, taking hold of hand into is as he stroked his thumb over her knuckles. "I will be fine by lunch, Commodus."

"I wish that you would allow me to send for a doctor," Commodus said to her. "This is the second time in a week you have been ill. I think that I should send for a doctor."

"Perhaps," Livia said with a nod of her head and Commodus's eyes widened as he saw her begin to relent to his insistence. What he didn't know was that she had been ill most mornings and she had hid it from Commodus. He had found himself deep in sleep most mornings, too tired from preparing for the games.

"Then it shall be done," Commodus said to her.

"Do it after the games," she said and Commodus shook his head, moving to kiss the back of her hand. "Commodus, I do not wish you to miss them. You insisted on holding these games because you wanted to honour your father. You cannot miss the first day."

"When it comes to your health, I am willing to miss anything," Commodus said and Livia rolled her eyes at hearing him.

She moved with haste, leaning forwards and draping her arms around his neck. She moved to kiss him, the sense of sickness passing as she pressed her lips to his. She pulled back after a moment, her forehead pressing against his.

"Commodus, I am just feeling unwell," she promised him. "I am just seeing a doctor to appease you because I know how you worry. Please just go and I will make certain that I tell you what is wrong when you return."

"I would prefer to stay," Commodus said.

Livia hummed gently as she bent down to kiss him on the lips again. "And I would prefer for you to stay, however you are the Emperor and you have duties and responsibilities. You need to go before I find a way to get you back into this bed and forget about any illness."

Commodus smirked at hearing her and nodded his head. He moved to kiss her slowly, his hand moving to cup her cheek before he pulled back. Looking her in the eye, Commodus continued to smirk, his lips seemingly unable to fall into a firm line. It was somewhat contagious, if she had to be completely honest. Bending down, she nuzzled her nose against his as he remained crouched by the bedside.

"Go," she urged from him.

Commodus nodded again and kissed her one final time before standing up. "I shall return soon," he promised her. "Do not strain yourself, my love. Get some rest."

"I fully intend to," Livia promised him as she watched him move to the door.

Only once she had been certain that he had gone did she move with haste, her stomach churning once more. Rushing to the toilet, she emptied the contents of her stomach as she moved a hand to rest on it. Looking down, she spat the final bit out of her mouth before moving to her feet. Walking to the bowl, she poured water from the jug into it. She splashed her face with water before she heard the door open again.

She moved with haste back to the room and saw Lucilla enter the chamber. She let out a sigh of relief at the sight of her. Lucilla closed the door and saw that Livia was sweating, her forehead covered in beads of it. However, her cheeks seemed rather pale. Lucilla looked concerned before moving with haste towards her and running her hands over her upper arms.

"Livia, what is it?" she urged from her. "What is happening?"

"I…Lucilla…" Livia said, her voice slightly breaking as she watched Lucilla watch her with worry. "I have not bled in over two months."

"Livia," Lucilla spoke her name in a shocked whisper, her eyes widened as she understood what the young woman was telling her. It was then when she shook her head. This could not be. "You cannot be…"

"I think that I am." Livia responded in a whisper. "I think that I am."

…

The doctor confirmed what Livia had suspected. Lucilla had stayed in the chamber with her as the doctor nodded. He had checked her over, noticing how her breasts seemed sensitive and she had admitted they were slightly larger. She told him her symptoms and he had agreed that she had to be pregnant. But then he had looked at her, knowing full well that she was married only a week ago and pregnant already and displaying symptoms. How was that possible? She had lost her virtue a week ago.

But then he thought about it and looked at her as Lucilla sat down next to her. She was not virtuous when she met the Emperor. He had heard the rumours of their relationship, but then he remembered what he had heard. The two of them had been close. Had she laid in his bed besides their marriage? People would most certainly whisper about that.

Leaving the chamber, the doctor left Livia and Lucilla alone. Looking to Lucilla as she adjusted her nightgown on her shoulder, she looked to Lucilla, tears falling down her cheek. Lucilla moved a hand out to stroke the soft skin there, wiping the tears away as she nodded, seeming to understand Livia's worries without the girl needing to express them.

"I married Commodus last week," Livia whispered. "I cannot be pregnant just yet. I cannot be pregnant and showing symptoms…I must be over seven weeks pregnant…"

"You must be," Lucilla said. "I assume it is a result of that night before we travelled to Germania when he took your virtue from you."

"I gave him my virtue," Livia said, not entirely appreciating Lucilla's tone. "We both decided to be intimate. We made that decision, but I never thought that this would happen. People will know, Lucilla. People will know that I am pregnant and that I was pregnant before we were married. What will they say? They will think me nothing but a whore. And when they question the father?"

Lucilla moved then, wrapping her arms around Livia and holding her tightly. Livia burrowed against the older woman's side as she ran her hands to hold onto her arms. Lucilla shook her head.

"Commodus would never abandon you."

There were some things that Lucilla did not understand about her brother, but she knew that his love for Livia was the one thing she did understand. Well, she wasn't entirely certain if it was love, but Commodus cared enough not to abandon her or question her.

"But I do not wish to embarrass him," Livia said with haste. "I am already an orphan. I am already considered beneath him and now I am pregnant. I am pregnant and I will ruin him."

"Never," Lucilla said with a shake of her head. "Commodus will never feel like that about you. He loves you."

"And I love him," Livia said. "I just do not know what is going to happen."

…

Commodus entered his chamber with his nephew in tow. He had seen Lucilla on his way to the games and she had told him she would be along shortly after checking on Livia. Lucius had gone with Commodus to the games and the two of them had enjoyed them, but Lucilla had never turned up. She had never gone to the Coliseum. Instead he had found her with Livia. Opening the door to the chamber, Lucius rushed to his mother's side, jumping onto the bed as Lucilla caught him.

"Mother, I saw the gladiators fight in the battle-"

"-You can tell me in a moment," Lucilla interrupted her son and moved to take hold of her son in his arms. She climbed down from the bed as Commodus saw his wife in bed, her legs tucked up to her chest as she looked to him. "Your uncle needs to speak with your aunt."

"Is something wrong, Livia?" Lucius worried and Livia turned her gaze to him, trying to compose herself as she smiled and shook her head.

"No," she said to him. "Everything is fine, darling."

Lucius didn't look convinced, but Lucilla was already dragging him by the hand and out of the chamber. She closed the door as Commodus looked to his wife and saw her begin to cry. He moved with haste, fear taking hold of him as he grabbed hold of her cheeks and cradled them in his fingertips. He wiped her tears away with his thumbs.

"What is it?" Commodus asked, voice full of worry. "What did the doctor say?"

"I am so sorry, Commodus," she said, grasping at him, her hands on his wrists. "Commodus, please do not be ashamed of me. Please do not do that."

"Livia, why in the name of the Gods would I be ashamed?" Commodus worried, his eyes searching her face. "What is it? Just talk to me."

"I…Commodus…I am pregnant."

Commodus struggled to comprehend what he was hearing then. He watched on as his wife continued to sob. He bit down on his tongue as his eyes moved down to her stomach. She was pregnant. She was pregnant with his child. But why was she crying? She was going to provide him with an heir. She was going to give her the heir to the Empire. This was not the time for tears.

"You are pregnant," Commodus echoed. "Livia, you are carrying our child."

"No," Livia said and Commodus felt his lips fall.

"It is not our child?" he asked and Livia shook her head.

"Commodus, of course it is," she said to him. "But we were only married a week ago, Commodus. We married one week ago and I am already pregnant and displaying symptoms. That is too soon…people will know…they will know that I was pregnant before we were married."

Commodus seemed to comprehend what she was saying then. Clinging onto him, she held tightly to him as Commodus watched her. Desperation was evident in her voice as her fingers wrapped over his shoulders near his neck where she could find his bare skin.

"I am sorry," she said to him. "Commodus, I am so sorry. I never meant for any of this. I never meant to bring shame to you. I never wanted that."

"Why would you have done that?" Commodus asked, unable to listen as his wife sounded so distraught. "Livia, you have brought no shame on me. Let people whisper and talk, but I know that this child is ours. I know that and should I hear anyone ask or question otherwise then they shall suffer."

"Commodus, you cannot punish people for knowing the truth."

"I can punish them if they dare to say anything derogatory about you. I would do anything to keep you safe. I would do anything for you."

"And I know that," Livia said to him, moving closer to him as she let her front brush up against his. "But I do not want it. I want you to be happy. I want you to promise me that you are not mad with me."

"Livia," Commodus sighed her name. "How could I possibly be mad?"

"Because of everything I just told you."

"Livia," Commodus said, his voice stern as he ran his hands over her cheeks. "There can be no anger inside of me right now. You are pregnant. You are my wife and you are pregnant with our child. We shall keep this news to ourselves until we are ready to share it, but Rome will rejoice. Rome will rejoice for its future heir."

Commodus moved a hand to her stomach, stroking it softly as the nightgown bunched around her stomach. Livia looked down and watched him, sniffing as the tears stopped falling. She dared to let her lips arch as Commodus moved her to lay on her back. She propped herself onto her elbows as she watched him move to lay down so that he was able to kiss her stomach.

"Commodus," she smiled his name and he kissed her stomach again before he let his lips trail upwards and towards her neck before he kissed her lips firmly and squarely. "I love you."

"And I love you," Commodus said. "And this child will love us…"

"Thank you," Livia said, reaching for his chin to bring his lips back to hers. "Thank you."

…

Lucilla had watched her brother over the coming weeks and she saw how he looked at Livia. His wife had attended a few of the games with him, but she had been ill many mornings, suffering dearly with pregnancy. Commodus would often find his hand wandering to her stomach, almost as though he was wondering how it could be possible.

Of course, that didn't stop his world from tumbling down when he discovered that the man he had wanted dead so badly was still alive.

…

A/N: We're heading into the movie now. Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. I hope you will let me know what you think!


	16. Chapter 16

Commodus could scarcely believe what he was witnessing. A month had passed since he had learned of his wife's pregnancy and he had slowly, but surely, seen a change in her body. Whenever they spent their evenings tangled up in each other, he noted how her breasts seemed larger and she complained about how they ached. Her stomach had swollen slightly, protruding from her body. Her attempts to keep it hidden involved stola's that were slightly baggy on her and not as form fitting and most certainly not with a belt around them.

Her mornings had predominately been spent hunched over a toilet, Commodus behind her and rubbing her back as he tried to soothe her. Livia knew how her husband had been protective, but since she had become pregnant he had become much more protective. It was only on the morning of the fiftieth day of the games did Livia promise him that she was well enough to attned.

Commodus had insisted on adorning her with fine jewellery now that she was his wife. She was an Empress now, his consort. She should dress the part. She had complained and insisted that she was fine. Sitting at the end of the bed as she adjusted her light blue stola on her form, she saw her husband finishing placing his rings onto his fingers.

"I only need one ring and that is the one you gave to me," she promised him, moving to her feet and kissing him on the cheek. "Besides, it is the one that shows people that we are together…that I am now yours."

Commodus chuckled at her comments. Moving a hand to her cheek, he stroked it softly. "Oh, my darling Livia," he cooed. "How I love nothing more than listening to you and your declarations of affection. I should have them written down so that I could remember them."

Livia snorted then. "I would hardly wish to read them back," she said to him. "Besides, the entire point of being romantic is being able to be spontaneous."

"Is it now?" Commodus wondered from her as she moved her hands to the top of his head, smoothing down his hair from the band of gold he had worn ruined it. She let her fingers knot into his smooth locks as he cupped hold of her waist, his hands struggling to encircle it with thanks to her bump. "Well, my love, I shall have to attempt to be more spontaneous."

"Oh, I think we have been spontaneous enough for the time being," she said in a teasing voice, her hand moving down to take hold of his and place it over her stomach. "Look at what our spontaneity created."

"Then I hope for many further outbursts," he commented and Livia laughed.

"Is one child not enough for you?"

"I would like more," Commodus said, well aware that they had to go. Moving to take hold of her hand, he walked with her by his side as they left the safety of their chambers, his guard following them and keeping silent as they continued their conversation. "Have you not thought of how many children you want?"

"Commodus, this one was enough of a shock," she said to him. "Can we just be content with one before we attempt to have anymore? Besides, I do not know if I could handle the sickness again. It has been terrible enough with this one."

"I know," Commodus said to her. "Then let us discuss it at another point. For now, let us enjoy the day."

Squeezing his hand, she looked up to him and pecked him on the cheek as they continued to walk side by side.

…

Livia had seen the Coliseum often. She would stand on the balcony and look onto it from the distance, but only once she was walking up to it did she realise the exuberance of it. The crowds were already in and waiting, loud cheers erupting from the arena. Livia had her hand inside of her husbands as they went in through their own entrance, safely guarded. Lucilla and Lucius walked behind them as the banging of the drums echoed around alongside horns, signifying that Caesar had arrived.

Entering their own private and decadent section, Livia was grateful for the shade as her husband kept hold of her hand, his free hand rising into the air to wave to the crowds as chants of Caesar echoed through the Coliseum. Standing tightly by his side, Livia looked around, realising just how much power her husband truly had. He was Emperor.

Livia had been locked away in her chambers, too ill with the early signs of pregnancy to acknowledge the true power that Commodus now had. When she was alone with him, he was simply Commodus to her. He was the young man she had fallen in love with. He was not the man who ruled an Empire. She felt her grip grow on his fingers then, everything seeming to be slightly overwhelming as she gulped and wondered what the people thought of them both.

"Are you well, my love?" Commodus asked at her sudden vice like grip, looking down to her as she nodded up to him. "Very good."

It was then when he lowered his head and kissed her chastely, much to the applause of the crowd. Livia blushed as he smirked, brushing her hair behind her ear before he returned to his acknowledgement of the people. Lucius stood at the front near Livia as she looked down to the young boy. Quintus loitered in the corner before Livia heard the gladiators from beneath chant.

"We who are about to die, salute you!"

Commodus offered them a hand in appreciation before moving to take his seat. Livia sat down in the seat next to him as Cassius began to roar theatrically, informing the crowd exactly what the battle would be. Livia listened as he said it would the Battle of Zama before she saw Commodus's hand move towards her. Smiling across to him, she laced her fingers through his, resting them on the arm in between their chairs after he had kissed the back of her hand.

"You will tell me if you feel ill, will you not?" Commodus urged from her in a small whisper.

"Of course," she told him as Lucilla remained seated in front of them.

"Very well," Commodus said, squeezing her fingertips as she looked around the Coliseum, letting out a deep breath before she heard the gates open and the sound of horse hooves.

Livia looked on as the legionnaires entered the arena and the bloodshed commenced. Livia watched on, knowing that this was what constituted as sport, but she hated to admit that she did not care of it, just as Marcus Aurelis had not cared for it. But her husband had spoken. The games were sacred and they were there to honour his father. She could only accept it. She looked anywhere but the bloodshed, her gaze wandering to Lucius as he seemed to enjoy what was happening.

The crowds roars and cheers whenever something particularly entertaining happened were enough to make Livia wonder how Commodus could have gotten it so right. The people loved this. So long as the people loved something then he was happy.

At the sight of a decapitation, Livia squeezed Commodus's hand to gain his attention. Turning to her, he noted a bead of sweat drop down her forehead and he moved his free hand to her cheek.

"Are you well, my love?" he asked from her.

"I am just thirsty," Livia said. "Could I have water?"

"Of course," Commodus spoke and a serving girl brought her a cup of water. She sipped on it as she saw her husband grow overly excited at the sight of a crash of a chariot against the wall.

He jumped from his seat and rushed down to get a better view as Lucilla turned to look to Livia. Offering her a small nod, Livia nodded back, insisting that she was well. Commodus returned to his seat after a moment, looking impassive as he picked her free hand back up.

"Is that better?" he asked as he saw her drink the water.

"Much," she smiled at him, lying through her teeth as he went back to watching the games.

Livia didn't know when she had grown interested, but she suspected it was when she saw that the gladiators were besting the legionnaires. Frowning, she looked to her husband as she saw him sit there with a snarl on his face after seeing someone suffer a gruesome injury.

"My love," she spoke to him. "Are the legionnaires not supposed to win?"

"Cassius," Commodus called over the man and he stood by their side. "My wife's history, alongside mine, is a little hazy. But I do not think that this is the way the battle is supposed to have gone, is it?"

"No, sire…apologies." The man said and Livia almost rolled her eyes. Why was he apologising?

"On the contrary," Commodus held a hand up. "I quite enjoy surprises. I wish to go down and meet them."

"Of course, sire," Cassius said.

"Are you certain that is wise?"

"I have my Praetorian Guard, Livia. I shall be fine. Besides, an Emperor should congratulate unlikely heroes."

Livia said nothing further as she watched him rise to his feet and move away. Lucilla moved then, coming to stand next to the seat that her sister in law occupied. Moving a hand to Livia's shoulder, she felt sweat at the nape of her neck and sighed.

"Livia, you are still unwell," Lucilla scolded her as the two women heard the cheers once the Caesar entered the arena.

"I am fine," she promised her. "I am just warm and feel slightly nauseous. It shall pass."

Lucilla didn't gain a chance to argue any further as they watched Commodus enter the arena, moving towards the gladiators. He acknowledged the crowd once more with a wave as Livia moved to her feet and looked down on the sight. Lucilla stood next to her.

"Mother, can I go down to uncle?"

"Be careful," Lucilla urged, but Lucius was already running down.

He stood in front of Commodus as the gladiator rose to his feet. Livia wondered what her husband was saying as she saw the gladiator turn his back on her husband and her mouth gaped. Did he not know how disrespectful that was? Commodus seemed to anger then as he moved Lucius to his side and the gladiator finally removed his helmet.

Lucilla grabbed hold of Livia's arm as she saw his face, her mouth gaping as she struggled to hear what was being said. But she saw who the gladiator was. She saw his face clear as day and she saw the fear in her brother's eye. Livia's brows furrowed as she squinted against the sun.

"Is that…" she trailed off.

"Maximus," Lucilla spoke his name longingly.

"How is he here?" Livia wondered. "Commodus said that the last time he had seen him was at camp."

Lucilla said nothing, preferring to let her brother worm his way out of his own lie. It was then when Commodus's Praetorian Guard assembled around him, their swords pulled out and ready. Lucilla increased her grip on Livia as Commodus turned his head over his shoulder, his gaze catching his wife as she struggled to comprehend what was happening.

Chants of live surrounded the arena and Livia frowned as Commodus urged the crowd to settle down and be quiet. Moving his hand and making a fist in front of him, they waited with bated breath before he held his thumbs up, indicating that Maximus would live. He stormed from the arena then, anger evident on his face as Livia saw one of the guards look to her.

"My lady," he spoke. "Your husband has demanded we return you safely."

Nodding, Livia let go of Lucilla and walked forwards, wondering what in the name of the Gods was happening.

…

"Commodus," Livia sighed her husband's name as she found him on the balcony of their chambers. "Where did you go after the battle? I thought that you were going to wait for me."

"And I was, but something came up."

"Like Maximus being a slave?" Livia enquired from her husband. "Commodus, how did he end up in that position?"

"That, I do not know," Commodus said to her.

"Then why did you not free him?" she asked from him and Commodus let out a deep sigh and turned to look to his wife as she stood by the net curtain to their chamber. He saw her arm was folded over her waist while her other hand dangled down by her side.

Commodus held his hand out to her, waiting for her expectantly. Moving towards him, her hand wrapped into his as she felt him draw her closer. He sighed and then looked her in the eye.

"I had hoped to keep this from you," he told her in a gentle whisper. "I did not wish for you to find out."

"Keep what from me?" she enquired.

"Back in Germania…I had been given no other option but to order for Maximus to be killed," Commodus said and Livia's mouth dropped open and her eyes widened as Commodus kept his hand inside of hers, refusing to drop it from his grip and give her the chance to run. "I asked him to swear his fealty to me, but he refused. He refused because he…because he claimed that my father wanted him as Emperor…he wanted him to rule until the Senate could take control."

"I do not understand," Livia whispered. "Is that what he wanted?"

"Of course not," Commodus spoke. "He told me as much before he died. I fear that Maximus has turned quite power hungry. I had no other option, my love. I did what I had to…for us…for Rome…"

Livia felt her throat clench as she exhaled a shaky breath. "That just does not sound like Maximus."

"Do you doubt me?" Commodus asked and she shook her head without a second thought, squeezing hold of his hand.

"Of course not," she said with haste. "Commodus, I never doubt you, but that does not sound like Maximus. I always remember him…he was always nice to me…he would entertain me and let me watch him train…I just…I cannot believe this."

"People change, my love," Commodus whispered out to her and she nodded. "Maximus is no longer the brother I once thought he might have been."

"I see that," she responded. "But if you ordered for him to be executed, how is here?"

"That is precisely what I intend to find out," Commodus promised her. "I do not wish to see an uprising. I do not wish to see Maximus ruin me."

"He shall not," Livia assured her husband. "But I wish that you would have told me the truth. I had thought that we did not keep secrets from each other."

"I was only trying to protect you," Commodus promised her.

"I know," she said with a nod. "But, please, do not hide things."

"Duly noted," Commodus said with a nod of his head and leant forwards to press his lips to hers, his hand moving to her stomach and his fingers splaying over it as he looked her in the eye. "I will do anything to protect you and our child, Livia…anything…"

There was an edge to his voice which made Livia look at him, wondering what was going through his mind as she nodded her head. She couldn't put her finger on it, but he was almost talking like he had done the day he had come to her in the gardens. He sounded possessive. He sounded determined. But, worryingly, he sounded angry. Livia tried to soothe him as she took hold of his hands in hers and leant forwards, kissing him hungrily on the lips as she wondered just what was going through his mind.

…

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	17. Chapter 17

Lucilla knew that she was risking everything as she snuck out in the dead of the night. But she had to see him. She had to know that he was safe. She had to know what was happening. As she stepped closer to him, she lowered the hood from her cloak as she saw him. He was still dressed in the attire he had fought in, his arms chained behind him. His armour had been taken from him, however. He was being guarded and Lucilla understood full well that he was a slave. His eyes looked up as soon as he saw her and he began moving forwards.

"I had thought that your brother would send assassins," he spoke in a dark voice, the anger clear in his tone. "I never thought that he would send his best."

He could only move so close to her before the chain restricted him.

"Maximus, he does not know that I am here," she responded to him.

"My family was burned and crucified while they were still alive," Maximus spoke in a harsh voice.

"I didn't know," Lucilla said, shame creeping into her voice as Maximus continued to glare at her.

"Don't lie to me," he spat, the rage clear in his voice. He turned away for a second and Lucilla stepped forwards, wanting to make it better. She wanted to ease his suffering, but she had no idea how she could do it.

"I weep for them," she said, but she knew it was the wrong thing as his hand shot out and grabbed hold of her neck, his grip not too tight, but too threatening as he turned his dark stare towards her and she saw the shell of a man she had once known. He was broken.

"Like you weep for your father?" he demanded of her.

"Do you think that I can openly weep for him?" Lucilla demanded from him. "I have been living as a prisoner of fear since that day. To be unable to mourn your father because you fear what your brother might do to your loved ones…to live in terror everyday that he will turn on you because you have said the wrong thing…I have a son to protect."

"My son was innocent," Maximus hissed.

"As is mine," Lucilla responded and Maximus dropped his hand from her throat.

"Why did you come?" Maximus demanded from her.

"Because I know that you seek revenge on Commodus," Lucilla spoke. "I have a man in the Senate who does not trust my brother. You have the crowd in the arena, Maximus. You have the power to help us destroy Commodus."

"Have you forgotten?" Maximus hissed at her. "I am a slave. I hold no power. Why not have your man in the Senate kill Commodus?"

Lucilla stepped back then, knowing that she would not be able to stop her brother on her own or with the help of Gracchus. She needed Maximus, but she did not know how she could get him to understand. She did not know if it was possible. It took another moment before Lucilla spoke.

"If he cannot be tamed then I fear what he will do to Rome. There is only so much power Livia can wield over him."

Maximus did speak then, unable to stop his curiosity as he looked to her. "Why has she wed him?"

Lucilla scoffed and folded her arms over her chest. "She does not know the truth. She thinks my father died from old age. She thinks that you tried to usurp Commodus from his position as Emperor. Commodus keeps her in the dark…he keeps feeding her lies and she…she loves him enough to believe him. She loves him and will never question him."

"Is she in danger?" Maximus enquired and Lucilla shook her head.

"Well, I do not think that she is," Lucilla said. "Commodus is besotted with her. He has been for a long time, but she…she knows nothing. She knows nothing of what he has done."

"And she is pregnant." Maximus stated.

"Yes," Lucilla said. "I need to keep her safe from him, Maximus. I need to keep her safe just as I need to keep Lucius safe."

"She needs to know the truth," Maximus said and Lucilla scoffed and shook her head.

"What good would that do?" she asked from him. "I fear what he would do to her if she knew the truth. So long as she remains by his side as his doting wife then she is safe. This is the safest thing for her…but also the cruellest."

"The truth will come out sooner or later," Maximus hissed. "It always does."

"And when it does I will ensure that I can have her and my child as far away from Commodus as possible," Lucilla said with haste.

"She is still a young girl…"

Lucilla's lips quirked at hearing him. She shook her head. "She has grown, Maximus. She is no longer the girl you used to carry on your shoulders down to the river and show how to fish."

"But she is married to him," Maximus said with a shake of his head. "She is married to him."

"I know," Lucilla said in a gentle voice. "I cannot believe it, nor do I know what to do about it. If she knew the truth then she would be appalled. Do not doubt that, Maximus. She might be married to him, but she still has the same heart of the little girl we knew. She is still that girl at heart."

"Not even a pure heart can change one as black as your brothers."

"I know," Lucilla responded with a sad sigh. "I know."

…

Livia knew that Commodus was in a foul mood the following morning. He had refused to break his fast and insisted that he had work to take hold of. Livia had only seen him act so coldly around her once before and that had led to a large argument between the two of them. It took her a few moments before she sighed gently and watched him go. Lucilla looked over to her and nodded her head softly.

"He is just angry," Lucilla said to Livia as the young woman moved to her feet, a hand coming to her stomach as Lucilla joined her. She took hold of her arm and walked with her out to the courtyard, both of them enjoying fresh air. "You know how Commodus is."

"I know," Livia said with a nod of her head. "I just do not enjoy seeing him so angry all of the time."

"But he is not angry with you, Livia," Lucilla responded in a soft voice as she perched on a bench and dragged Livia to sit down next to her, keeping hold of her hand. "Commodus is simply aggrieved as to why Maximus lives."

Livia nodded and bowed her head as Lucilla watched her with fascination. Did the girl truly believe what Commodus had told her? Was there some part of her that was questioning his words? If there was then Lucilla didn't know what she could do about it. She had no power. If Livia even suspected her brother of lying then she worried what he might do to herself or Lucius. She did not wish to see anyone hurt. But she knew, eventually, her brother would trip up. He could not lie forever. And then Livia would be hurt. She would be destroyed.

"Lucilla," Livia began, her voice low and hesitant. She was well aware that people listened in on conversations. "Is it true? Did Maximus truly refuse Commodus?"

Lucilla frowned at hearing her. "Do you not believe my brother?"

"I believe him," Livia said with haste. "Of course I believe him, but I wonder if there is something else…a miscommunication…because…the Maximus that I remember was always kind and gentle. Do you remember when he tried to teach me how to fish?"

Lucilla smiled then. It was the first genuine smile she had allowed onto her lips in a long time. Looking to Livia, she squeezed her hand tightly in her grip.

"I do remember," Lucilla said. She had been a young woman at that time while Livia had simply been as young as eight. She had walked down with both of them to the river, watching as Maximus carried Livia on his shoulders and stood with her in the shallow waters, teaching her how to catch fish. She had laughed and cheered loudly while Lucilla had stood back and watched, her mind wondering what it might have been like to have her own child.

"That is the issue I have," Livia admitted to Lucilla. "I remember that man…the man who I have in my memories and I cannot see the man who Commodus claims he is. I cannot understand it. I know how people change, but…why would Maximus want the Empire? Why would he want any of that?"

"I do not know," Lucilla could only say to her.

"But Commodus mentioned how your father had told Maximus how he wished for Rome to be a Republic and for Maximus to rule until that day could happen…but it was a ruse…a ruse because Maximus had turned power hungry."

"I was not there, Livia," Lucilla said, on the verge of breaking and telling the girl the truth. She deserved to hear it. She deserved to know. Livia sighed and shook her head.

"I do not wish to challenge Commodus or question him."

"I think that you are the only one who could," Lucilla said.

"No," Livia said. "I trust him unequivocally. He knows that. I just think that there is something off. Perhaps I should see if I could speak with Maximus?"

Lucilla knew that she had to dissuade her from doing that before anything else. Shaking her head with haste, Lucilla gulped and a small smile formed on her face as she took her time in speaking, not wanting Livia to see the fear in her face.

"Do you truly think that Commodus would let you near the fighting pits?" Lucilla asked. "Livia, you are pregnant. You should be resting and not rushing around trying to uncover conspiracy theories that do not exist."

"I do not think it is a-"

"-Just let me speak with both of them," Lucilla said, knowing that this would be the only way she could get Livia to leave things alone. "Livia, let me deal with this and you focus on not working yourself up. It is not healthy for the baby."

…

Returning to his chamber, Commodus had expected to find his wife there that evening. However, she was nowhere to be seen, but he could hear her. Commodus was dressed in a simple tunic, his armour shed from his body as he had only spent his day responding to queries from the Senate. He had contemplated what the do about Maximus alongside demanding to know who had lied to him about Maximus being dead.

He had sent for his guard to find them and arrest them, hoping that would show that he did not appreciate liars. He had gone back to his chamber as the sun set, a golden haze falling over Rome. He closed the door to his chamber before he heard her. She was retching into the toilet again and Commodus sighed. He knew that his wife was suffering badly during the pregnancy, but he had hoped that her nausea would have passed.

Moving into the toilet, Commodus lowered himself down as he saw her trying to tuck her hair behind her ears. She was failing miserably and so he moved his hand, sweeping her hair back and startling her as she continued crying. For some reason, she always cried when she was being ill. She sobbed and continued heaving as he moved his other hand down her back, trying to soothe her.

It took a few minutes before she finished and almost collapsed over the toilet, her hand clinging onto the edge of it. Commodus moved then, helping her to sit upright as he saw exhaustion in her face. She was sweating and her eyes were red and droopy. Commodus felt her move a hand to his chest, her fingers bunching into the fabric.

"Livia, you should not be ill like this."

"I know," Livia muttered. "Your sister sent for the doctor and he thinks that I am dehydrated and not eating enough. I think the Gods are punishing me for being a whore and losing my virture before I was married."

"Livia," Commodus scolded her as he saw her lips tug upwards, knowing that she was joking. He sighed and nodded. "Come on, let me help you to bed."

He picked her up with ease and moved to the bed. Placing her down, he grabbed hold of a cup of water and handed it to her. He watched her drain the liquid before he went to refill it from the water jug. He handed it to her again and she took her time drinking it. Sitting to her side on the edge of the bed, he let his hand move up her thigh.

"What have you been doing today?" Commodus asked from her.

"I went for a walk with your sister which ended up being cut short when I felt the need to be ill," Livia said. "Your sister sent for the doctor. He came and left and I have been hunched over the toilet ever since."

"Why did no one send for me?" Commodus demanded, slight annoyance in his voice as he spoke and she moved her hand to rest on top of his, squeezing it lightly.

"You were busy," she said. "I did not want to disturb you."

"Livia, I am never too busy for you."

She smiled and nodded. "I know," she promised him. "But you are Emperor now, you cannot come to me at my every beck and call. I do not want that. I want you to realise that you have other responsibilities. Besides, I am constantly ill. You cannot be with me all of the time holding my hair."

"If I had my way then I would," Commodus said and he slowly moved towards her, his other hand going to wipe her hair behind her ear. "Besides, spending my time just with you sounds ideal right now."

"Have you had a tough day?"

Commodus managed a forced smile. "No tougher than usual," he responded. "I am just trying to discover how Maximus is still alive."

"I see. Do you-"

"-But that does not matter," Commodus interrupted before she could continue to question him. "Let us get some rest. I can have food brought to us if you do not feel well enough to leave the room."

"Thank you," Livia said. "Are you going to stay with me?"

"I have no other pressing matters tonight," he said. "You are the only one."

Livia hummed contently as she moved to lay down against the pillows, placing her cup of water on the table next to her. Commodus moved to rest next to her, his chest against her back as he draped an arm over her waist. He took hold of her hand as he moved a hand under her pillow and she curled her fingers around his. Commodus lifted his arm from her waist and brushed her hair softly back from her neck, his fingers tangling into it.

"Commodus," Livia muttered after a few minutes. "You know I love you."

"I do," Commodus responded. "Why do you say that?"

"Just because I want you to know," Livia whispered to him. "I want you to know that I love you…so much….and you can tell me anything."

Commodus suspected that there was something behind her words. What was she thinking? Commodus didn't push her, however. He knew she was tired and he preferred not to get into an argument with her. He preferred never to do that. So he kept quiet and thought for a moment. He hummed lowly and kissed the back of her neck.

"I know," he responded. "I love you too, Livia. Now rest."

She didn't push him. Instead she remained in his arms as she fell to sleep. Commodus stayed awake, his eyes watching the back of her as he wondered just what she had meant by her earlier words. They swam around his head and plagued him.

….

A/N: Do let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

It had been three days since Commodus had laid his eyes on Maximus. He was still alive and that continued to anger Commodus. Whenever he thought about Maximus he wondered how he could get rid of him. The people adored him for winning a fight that he should never have won. People adored the underdog and Maximus was certainly that. Of course, he wondered if any of them truly knew the Spaniard's history. No doubt he still had men who were loyal to him. That must be true considering his men had lied to him about Maximus being dead.

The two men who had been sent to check that Maximus was dead had been found. Commodus knew that he could not let them get away with what they had done. He had ordered Quintus to punish them as he had stood there. He had watched as the arrows fired at the two men and killed them. Commodus had picked his head up then, blood speckling his cheek after standing close to the two men.

He had stormed back inside and found his wife playing with Lucius. Commodus wondered where his sister had gotten to, but he did not ask. Instead he remained focused on how his wife was playing games with Lucius. She had her hands over her eyes as the boy ran around in the courtyard, hiding from her. Commodus kept his distance for a few moments as he overlooked the scene from the balcony. He watched as Livia ran through the courtyard, finding Lucius hiding behind a statue.

She grabbed hold of his shoulders and shook him gently, laughing loudly as the young boy began to walk to her and she held his hand in hers as she walked by his side. The two of them sat down on a bench and Lucius continued to talk animatedly as Livia listened, showing no sense of bored.

Commodus had smirked at seeing her, knowing full well just how his wife was going to make a fine mother. He had washed his face, splashing the specks of blood from his pale skin before he went down to the courtyard to his wife. She stopped speaking with Lucius as she looked to him.

Lucius moved to his feet and rushed over to his uncle. "Uncle," he said. "Aunt Livia has been playing with me. She told me that I'm going to have a cousin one day."

"You are," Commodus said, hands on his nephew's shoulders as he squeezed them and Livia moved to her feet, her hand going to her stomach. "You are going to have a little cousin to play with."

"Do you think that it shall be a boy or a girl?" Lucius continued to ask.

"I think that it does not matter," Commodus responded. "Whatever it is, we shall love it unconditionally. Isn't that right?"

"Yes, uncle," Lucius said with a nod of his head.

Commodus smirked. "Good boy," he said. "Why don't you go and find your maid? You can play with her. I need to speak with Livia."

Lucius nodded and rushed off while Livia kept a hand on her stomach and watched her husband. Commodus ruffled Lucius's hair as he went. His eyes moved onto Livia and he couldn't help but notice how lovely she looked. She stood there, dressed in lilac with her hair hanging loose down her back. Her hand held her stomach and a shawl was wrapped around her shoulders. But Commodus couldn't help but notice that she was glowing. She looked different. She looked almost ethereal. She was stunning.

"Livia," Commodus greeted her.

"Commodus, my love," Livia said, ushering for him to come closer to her. "Quick."

Commodus wondered what was wrong, but he had no chance to ask as he felt Livia take hold of his hand, pressing his palm flat against her stomach as she urged for him to keep quiet when she saw him open his mouth. She placed her free hand over his mouth as Commodus looked slightly entertained. He wondered what she was doing before he felt it. His eyes widened as she nodded enthusiastically at him and he remained in awe.

She took her hand from his mouth after a second and looked down. "Amazing, isn't it?"

"The babe is kicking?"

"It is," Livia said with a nod of her head. "It is stunning."

"It is," Commodus whispered to her. "How long have you been feeling the babe kicking for?"

"I felt it this morning, but then I felt it after playing with Lucius. It is amazing."

"It…it makes it feel real," Commodus responded. "Do you think this baby will love me, Livia?"

Livia let out a soft sigh with a small smile. Moving to stroke his cheek slowly, she let her hands move to curl into his hair. She wrapped it slowly around the back of his head before moving to her toes. She kissed him slowly as Commodus kept his hand on her stomach. Pulling back after a moment, she kissed him once more and pressed his forehead to hers.

"This baby will love you, Commodus," she whispered to him in a gentle voice. "Just as I do."

Commodus smiled and moved a hand to sweep her hair behind her shoulder. "Sometimes I feel as though you are the only one who does love me," he said and Livia almost felt her stomach sink as she heard him speak, wondering just what was going on.

It took her a few moments before she took hold of his hand and dragged him to sit back down on the stone bench with her. She wrapped her arm around his as she kissed his cheek and rested her cheek on his shoulder. He said nothing for a moment and Livia took the initiative to talk.

"What is it, Commodus?" she wondered from him. "What is wrong?"

"The people do not love me, Livia," Commodus said in a small voice. "The people favour Maximus. He is all that they can talk about. I had the men who betrayed me executed this morning. I had no other choice. My men cannot go against me for they are then not my men. People do not care for me as much as they care for him. I can see that and I do not know what to do."

Livia gulped once and then sat up and turned her gaze up to him. She held onto his hand and kissed the back of it. She tried not to think of what he had said, the idea of two men being executed. Had they purposefully gone against Commodus? Or had they simply made a mistake? Livia seemed to be questioning whether a lot of people were making mistakes recently.

"Commodus," Livia sighed out his name. "The people do love you. Have you spoken to the Senate recently about their needs?"

"I have been too preoccupied with the games. The people love them, Livia, but why do they not love me?"

Biting down on her lip, Livia wondered if she was going to have to talk to her husband truthfully.

"Commodus, I think that you should listen to the Senate," she told him honestly. "I think that they are the key to you gaining the people's affections. People are starving…are sick…they want solutions for that and the Senate might have proposals. The games are very good at keeping them entertained for a couple of hours, but we both know that they have to go home then and if they go home to something that…something that does not make them happy…makes them worry…then they need help. They need more than these games."

Livia didn't entirely know what was running through Commodus's mind. He seemed somewhere perturbed by her comments, but he had asked for her opinion and she had given him them. She had given him her thoughts and he could do with them what he so wished. She gulped and looked as Commodus stared into the distance.

"But that does not explain why they love Maximus," he said.

"Commodus, they will have forgotten about Maximus in a month. Rome is fickle," she said to him. "You need to think about the long term."

"I am," Commodus said. "And if Maximus continues to win these games then they will grow to adore him. What happens if they prefer him over me, Livia? What if he finally takes everything from me? What if he ruins me?"

Livia could sense that he was becoming somewhat hysterical. Moving to cup hold of his cheeks in her fingertips, she tried to soothe him as he saw him cling onto her shoulders, his hands stroking along them as he watched her, desperation evident in his gaze.

"Livia," Commodus whispered her name, "I cannot have that. I cannot have it."

"Maximus would not try to do that," Livia said.

"How can you say that?" Commodus demanded from her, his voice harsh. "You know what he tried to do. I told you what he had tried to do."

"I know," Livia said with a deep breath. "I know what you told me, Commodus, but I was just wondering about that and wondering if there was a miscommunication between your father, you and Maximus?"

Commodus's brows furrowed together then. "I do not understand."

Livia bit her tongue and then moved to her feet, her hands laced together in front of her as she spoke and turned back to look at him.

"I was just thinking," she said. "You heard a story from your father and then another from Maximus. What if Maximus truly did not want power and your father wanted Rome to become a Republic?"

"Then that would mean that I would not be Emperor," Commodus said. "Why would my father wish for that?"

"I do not know," Livia managed to say. "I just think that, perhaps, there is a misunderstanding. I know how you said that people change, Commodus, but Maximus had been like a brother, had he not? He adored Lucilla. He…I just cannot imagine him betraying you."

"So you did not trust me?" Commodus demanded from her, anger rising in his voice.

"Commodus, of course I trust you," she responded out of frustration. "I was just wondering if there could have been a miscommunication between all of this? I just…I trust you and I love you. You know that. I just cannot quite believe that Maximus has turned into the man you say he has."

"Cannot believe it or will not believe it?" Commodus demanded from her. "Everyone turns against me, Livia, I do not want you to turn against me, but if you do not believe me then that is exactly what you have done."

"Commodus," she gasped his name and moved to her feet, grabbing hold of his arm. He moved away from her, however, tugging his arm from her grip as she looked hurt. Tears threatened to burn her eyes as she felt the sting of rejection.

"Who do you believe, Livia?" he demanded from her. "Tell me now."

"Do not act like this," she urged. "Commodus, I do not want to argue with you over this. I just want to understand why Maximus would have done what he is accused of."

"I have told you why," Commodus snarled. "You either believe me or you do not believe me, Livia. That is all there is to it. To know that you are even questioning me hurts…the one person in my life I thought that never would question me…is doing just that."

"Commodus-"

"-Do not," he interrupted her, holding a hand up to silence her. "I do not wish to discuss this with you, Livia. I do not wish to listen to you question me any further."

"That is not what I am doing," she said in a gentle voice, unsure of what more she could say. "Do you not wish to know why Maximus did what he did?"

"I know all that I need to," Commodus said in a dark tone. "I need to go. I have business with the Senate."

"Commodus-"

"-Go to our chamber and rest," Commodus said, not listening to her pleas as he saw tears roll down her cheeks and he did his best not to fall under her tears. He had to be strong. He needed to be strong right now. "Arguing is no good for our child."

"Nor is it any good for us," she said to him.

"No, perhaps it is not," Commodus said. "I shall speak with you later."

Livia could do nothing else but watch her husband walk off and leave her in the courtyard. Sinking back down onto the bench, she closed her eyes and began to cry to herself.

….

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	19. Chapter 19

Livia did not wish to return to her chamber, but the feeling of nausea had taken hold of her. She wondered if Commodus would be there and, if he was, she did not wish to find herself involved in another argument with him. But she knew that she needed privacy as her sickness came back. She thought that she had done well to go a day without feeling this way. However, she wondered if her current predicament was related to her argument with her husband.

Rushing back to her chambers, she saw his guard stationed outside the room and she knew he was in there. She ignored them, opening the door and walking in, her hand holding her stomach as her other hand held her mouth. Commodus had been perched at the desk by the balcony. He turned his head over his shoulder as he heard her footsteps rush into the toilet.

Instantly, he moved to his feet, but he did not follow her. He could hear her retching for a few minutes before she moved back into the chamber and splashed her face with cold water from the bowl on the table. She kept her head bowed for a moment as Commodus watched her back. She said nothing to him, nor did he say anything to her. Instead he watched on as she placed a cloth at the back of her neck, cooling her down.

Gulping, he wondered what he should say. He was acutely aware that an hour ago he had listened to her question him and his intentions. She was aware that an hour ago he had dismissed her and interrupted her continuously without even listening to her. She was still upset and angry, wondering just what she could do to make her husband listen.

All she wanted to know was why Maximus would have turned on Commodus. Why would he have done that? She couldn't quite understand what had happened, but every time she questioned her husband he simply made her keep silent. He turned things back onto her. He made her feel guilty. He made her feel like a traitor for not believing what he was saying. That wasn't the case. She believed that he thought Maximus had betrayed him, but a part of her thought that he had gotten the wrong end of the stick. She knew all to well about miscommunication.

Commodus returned to his seat, his back to his wife as she kept her back to him. She only turned around, looking at the back of his head as he went back to his letters. She kept the cloth to her neck as her eyes roamed over the back of his head. She took a moment to imagine how she could make all of this disappear if she simply begged him to forgive her. She could say that she meant nothing by any of it. She could tell him that.

But she did none of that. Instead she dropped the cloth and moved to the door, the frosty exchange in the room too much for her. Pushing the door open, she left him alone.

Upon hearing the door open, Commodus turned his head over his shoulder to see her go, her hair falling down her back as her hips swayed with movement. He kept his eyes fixed on her until the door close, wondering just how he could make things right between both of them.

…

"I take it you had another argument with my brother," Lucilla spoke as she found Livia. She had taken hold of the young woman and urged for her to come with her to her chambers. She had sat down at the foot of the bed with Livia, wrapping her arms around her shoulders.

"How did you know?"

"He has been in a foul mood all day," Lucilla said.

"We went to sleep without speaking a single word to each other," Livia said with a scoff. "He laid there and ignored me and I did this same. He…he is infuriating me, Lucilla. He is pushing me away, but I know that I am also pushing him away because I will not let things lie. I will not leave things alone."

Lucilla sighed. "I take it that this is to do with Maximus?"

"I simply asked him if he was certain that Maximus had been plotting to conspire against him or if there had been something else," Livia said. "I know that he refused to take Commodus's hand and pledge his allegiance, but…why? All I want to know is why, Lucilla, and Commodus continues to think that means I am working against him."

"My brother does not enjoy being questioned, Livia, you know that."

"I know that, but I do not like him acting like a petulant child when I only ask questions," Livia responded harshly. "Lucilla, we both know Maximus. You know him better than I ever could. What is happening? Truly, what is happening?"

Lucilla took a moment to inhale a sharp breath. "I have not had chance to speak with him," Lucilla informed her sister-in-law, lying through her teeth as she spoke. "All I know is that Maximus had been informed by my father that he wished for Rome to become a Republic and for him to make certain that time came. However, Commodus seems to believe he wants power for himself."

"That is what I cannot understand," Livia said and she moved to her feet then, her hands on her hips as Lucilla watched her pace, unable to stop her eyes from going to her protruding stomach. She was growing with each passing day. Lucilla was certain of it. "Lucilla, it makes no sense. Maximus left Rome for a simple life. Why would he come back and want to change that?"

Lucilla almost felt herself longing to break down. Livia was so close to finding the truth out. She was so close to knowing everything. Yet Lucilla could not be the one to tell her. She could not do that.

"I need to speak with him," Livia said and Lucilla did move then. Livia turned to look at her, holding a hand up to keep Lucilla from protesting. "I know that it is not wise, Lucilla, and that Commodus will be angry, but I need to know the truth and Maximus is the only one who can tell me."

"Livia," Lucilla whispered in a low voice, "you cannot go to him. My brother has told you that Maximus has changed. He wanted Rome for himself. You need to see, Livia. You need to see that people change. He is not the same young man who carried you around or taught you how to ride. He is not that man."

"Then who is he?" Livia demanded from her. "A cold blooded killer? A man who would kill for power? Lucilla, do not tell me that you believe any of that."

"Not to believe it means not to believe Commodus," Lucilla responded, testing the girl truly. "Do you not believe him, Livia?"

Livia bit down on her lip as she turned her gaze to Lucilla. "I love Commodus," Livia whispered in a gentle voice. "I love him so much, but this is not about trusting him. This is about me thinking that he has misunderstood Maximus."

"Livia, do not go against him," Lucilla urged from her, a sense of fear in her voice. "Do not do this."

"I need the truth, Lucilla, and he is the only one who can give it to me."

Lucilla watched as Livia left then. She placed a hand over her mouth as tears fell down her cheeks. She did her best to comprehend what was going to happen. If Livia went to Maximus then he would tell her the truth. He would tell her what Commodus had done. If she discovered the truth…if she knew…Lucilla did not know what Commodus would do. He would not hurt Livia. He couldn't. But, Lucilla didn't know. She didn't know what her brother would do nowadays. She barely understood him.

And so Lucilla did what she thought was for the best. She did what was needed to protect her family and Livia was her family now.

…

Livia did not appreciate being summoned by her husband. She had gritted her teeth together before storming through the corridors, two members of his guard following her after they had been sent for her the following morning. She found Commodus standing at a balcony, his hand holding onto his chin as his other arm wrapped around himself.

"How dare you?" Livia snapped at him and Commodus didn't turn around.

He raised a hand in the air, dismissing the guard to leave him be with his wife and her growing temper. He kept his back to her as she continued to yell, her voice loud and full of anger.

"You summoned me? Your wife?" Livia continued to push him. "Do you know how that felt? Could you not be bothered to come and find me yourself? Or perhaps you could have spoken with me last night if you really wanted to converse? Then again, that would mean looking at me and you have found it impossible to do that recently!"

Commodus whirled around then, his glare increasing on his wife as he looked at her with a menacing stare she had never seen before. She had angered him before, but this was different. There was a silent rage inside of him. Commodus did not yell. He did not roar. He could show that he was angry without needing any of that. He moved slowly then, stalking towards her.

"Because it is only recently that I discovered where you intended to go this morning," Commodus said. "It was only this morning when I learned that my wife was plotting behind my back."

Livia went silent then, wondering how he could have known. She had told no one where she was going except for Lucilla. She had only told Lucilla. It took a moment before she realised that she must have been the one to speak to Commodus. But why? Why would she tell her brother? It was a few seconds before Livia dared to look him in the eye, holding her head high as she refused to back down.

"I want the truth."

"The truth?" Commodus echoed back, his lip curling upwards before he moved to stand inches from her, his hand going to hold her chin tightly. "I have told you the truth!"

He was seething now, unable to stop himself from yelling at her. Livia moved with haste and grabbed hold of his wrist, pushing his grip from her.

"You have told me what he intended to do," Livia snapped back. "You have not told me why. Even you do not know why. You think that he betrayed you by not taking your hand that time. You do not know why he did not…not truly…because you have not even asked him. I love you, Commodus, and I know you would do anything for me, just as I would for you, but I think…I think there is more to this that I do not know and you do not know. I think we need to speak with Maximus."

"We?" Commodus echoed back to her. "You were going alone, Livia. There was no we when you planned this. You intended to go out alone. You intended to sneak out…lie to me…deceive me…"

"No," Livia said with haste. "I never intended to do that. I just want to know why. I grew up looking up to Maximus. I want to know what is going on. Why are you punishing me for that?"

Commodus reached out to grab hold of her, his fingers tight and wrapped around her upper arms as he hauled her to him. "I am not punishing you," he snarled. "You are punishing me. You are punishing me for telling the truth about Maximus…simply because you cannot let go of the idea of the man who you knew years ago. And what about me? You know me, Livia, and you are not listening to me."

"This is getting us nowhere," Livia said with haste. "Commodus, this constant argument is getting us nowhere."

"Then just stop this," he demanded from her. "Stop fighting the truth and simply accept it. Stop pushing me away, Livia."

"You are pushing me away," she retorted. "We are going in circles. Allow me to go and speak to Maximus and find out what happened."

"No," Commodus responded. "I will keep you locked away, Livia, if you insist on defying me."

Livia felt tears form in the corner of her eyes. She moved her hands to his chest, trying to push him from her. She failed miserably as his grip remained tight, refusing to let her leave him.

"You cannot lock me away," she said firmly. "Commodus, you cannot do that to me."

"I can do whatever is required to keep you safe," Commodus responded. "I will do whatever possible to stop you from going near a man who would hurt you to get to me…would fill your head with poison…turn you against me."

"Commodus, nothing is turning me against you," Livia said, wondering if this was what it boiled down. He was insecure. "Do you not see that? I love you. I married you. I am not going to turn against you. I just want to understand Maximus's motives. Why do you think I would turn against you?"

"Because everyone else has," Commodus said to her. "Everyone else has taken his side…and if you…if you leave me…abandon me because of this…"

"Commodus, why would I abandon you?" she wondered from him, her tone calming down slightly as she arched her brows and saw her husband move a hand to her cheek, stroking it softly. He moved his other hand to her other cheek, holding onto it gently.

"Do you not see?" Commodus wondered from her. "We should not fight, Livia. We should never fight."

"I am not abandoning you."

"Promise me," he urged from her.

"I promise," Livia said. "I do not understand what would make you think I would abandon you."

"People who want to poison you against me," Commodus responded. "People who want to take you away. I can't let them do that, Livia. I can't let them do it."

Livia felt his arms wrap around her, trying to hold her tightly against him but struggling with thanks to her bump. Livia wrapped her arms around his neck as she felt him burrow his face against her neck and her hands wrapped into his hair. She closed her eyes for a second as she wondered just how they had gone from arguing to this. What was he so scared of? Livia didn't know. She only wished he would understand that she was his. She was not going to leave him. She just wanted the truth.

…

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	20. Chapter 20

Livia didn't entirely know what more she could do. She had considered just how difficult it was for her to be with Commodus as they had been before. Their argument still settled at the back of her mind and she knew that it would only be a matter of time before it came to the forefront. She had bitten her tongue and considered exactly how she should approach the topic. But, deep down, she knew that it would do no good. Commodus was adamant that things had changed and he was right in thinking that Maximus wanted to overthrow him.

"Livia," Commodus spoke her name as they sat around the dining table. Livia had not touched her food, still feeling ill. Commodus had watched as Lucilla and Lucius spoke in hushed tones to each other. His wife had remained downcast, her gaze set on the table top.

She looked up and over to the side where Commodus sat. She looked to him with wide eyes and Commodus sighed. He shook his head and moved to stand up. Extending his hand out to her, he watched as she slowly moved her fingers into his. Holding onto his hand, she let him help her from her seat, noting how his eyes always went to her protruding stomach.

He kept hold of her hand, not bothering to tuck it into the nook of his arm as he led her out of the dining hall without another word to Lucilla. He kept a firm grip of her fingers in his, silence engulfing the pair of them as they ignored the stares from passing servants and senators who were conducting business on his behalf.

It was only when they came to their chamber did he lead her onto the balcony. He stood in front of her then, the back of his hand moving down her cheek as he stroked it softly and slowly.

"You did not eat anything," Commodus informed her. "You know what the doctor said, Livia, you are supposed to eat and drink."

"I know," LIvia responded. "Yet every time I consider food it makes me feel queasy. I wish that this would pass…I wish this feeling would go away."

"Is it simply the babe or is it something else?" Commodus dared to enquire from her and she chewed down on her bottom lip before looking to the ground. Sighing, Commodus nodded his head. She didn't need to speak for him to know her answer. "Livia, we cannot keep doing this. The past few days have been hell for me."

"And for me," she responded.

"Then let us end this argument," Commodus urged from her, taking hold of her hands inside of his, holding them upwards and against his chest. "Livia, I have no desire to argue with you. I adore you."

"As I do you," Livia told him. "Yet, my thoughts still plague me, Commodus."

"And how can I make them go away?" Commodus urged from her. "Tell me what it is that I have to do, Livia. Tell me what you need me to do. I have told you the truth. I have told you all that there is to know."

"But you have not told me why and I fear only Maximus can tell me why, yet you forbid me from seeing him," Livia responded and Commodus sighed once again, knowing that he had to put an end to this. He had to finish this argument before it went too far.

"You know why I refuse to let you see him," Commodus said. "The fighting pits are no place for you, my love. You are pregnant. You carry our child. I do not want you to be stressed, Livia. Going to him…listening to his lies…knowing that he is trying to turn you against me…I could not bear it if it put stress on you. You have enough with your sickness and staying rested. Please, Livia, just stop this. Just trust me."

Livia took her turn to let out a sigh as soon as she heard him speak. It took a moment before she looked him in the eye, wondering what he was thinking. It looked more like fear than anything else. She said nothing, but she chose to nod her head. She knew that Commodus would never agree to let her go and visit Maximus alone. She was well aware of that. She just needed to find another way to speak to Maximus.

Commodus seemed relieved, moving to wrap his wife into his arms as he placed his hand to the back of her head, drawing her face to press against his neck as he kissed the top of her head. Livia wrapped her own arms around his waist, holding onto him tightly as she closed her eyes and inhaled his familiar scent.

"No more secrets or lies…no more arguing…all that matters is being rid of Maximus and making sure our child is born without any threats."

Livia could only manage a slim smile as she pulled back to look at him. Moving slowly, he bent down until his lips were pressed against hers, his hands going to skim the bare skin of her shoulders as she closed her eyes and revelled in his touch, longing to feel him against her despite everything that had happened.

Perhaps he was telling the truth. Perhaps he was keeping her away from Maximus to keep her safe. Perhaps everything that he did was for them. Yet Livia still could not rid herself of the small niggling feeling that something was not quite right. She pushed that feeling to the side as Commodus's lips left hers, his breath coming out in sharp pants against her cheek.

"No one understands me, Livia," Commodus whispered. "Everyone has turned against me…Maximus…even Lucilla does not trust me to rule…but you…you're the only one who understands and hasn't abandoned me. I can't see that happen."

"It never will," she promised him, taking hold of his shoulders. "Commodus, do you not see? No one can turn me against you. Maximus…Lucilla…no one. It is you who I love and trust."

"Then trust me when I tell you that Maximus is not the man you once knew. Tell me you trust me."

Livia nodded. "I trust you," she said, not bothering to argue and demand why he had changed. Instead she remained conflicted. "Come," she urged from him. "I am exhausted and no doubt you are too."

Taking him by the hand, she didn't bother to ask her handmaids for help in changing. She shed herself of her own garments, draping them over the chair in the corner before placing her nightgown onto her body. She struggled to pull it down over her bump as she noted that Commodus only wore his simple orange tunic as he climbed into bed.

"I am fat," Livia complained and Commodus chuckled at hearing her as he watched her tug at the material of her nightgown. "I need bigger clothes."

"Then I shall arrange for that," Commodus promised her. "You know, Livia, you can ask for anything. You are my consort."

"It still feels wrong," Livia said to him, padding barefoot to the bed and sitting on the edge of it before twisting her body to lay down, tugging the cover over herself. "I always knew my place growing up besides you and Lucilla. I was simply an orphan. I know that I was treated well and I thank your father for that, but I never wanted to overstep the boundaries or think of myself as…well…someone who should be waited on."

Commodus couldn't quite understand her, but he did smile at her humility. He suspected that was what he adored about her. She had all of this wealth by being married to him. She had fine clothes. She had expensive jewels. Yet, she wanted for none of it. She wanted only for him. She was the only one who had ever just wanted him for himself.

"Come here," Commodus urged from his wife, moving his arm out towards her.

Somehow, she managed to nestle against his side, laying on her back as his arm wrapped around her shoulders. His hand went to her stomach, his fingers resting splayed out on it. He moved so that his chin was pressed just at the top of her head. Closing her eyes, she felt him brush away the wisps of her hair against her face.

"You love me for me," Commodus whispered in a soft voice.

"Just as you love me for me," Livia said. "We have each other, Commodus. We both love each other."

"I love you more than you can understand," Commodus informed her. "And I will love our babe just as much."

"I will love our babe if he or she stops making me hunch over a toilet every morning," Livia said and Commodus chuckled despite himself at his wife's comment. He moved to kiss her forehead, his lips lingering there as he felt her shift in his arms, her arm moving to drape over his waist.

"I hope that this illness shall pass soon," Commodus informed his wife. "In the mean time, I wish for you simply to rest, my love. You need your strength."

"Hmm," she muttered sleepily. "And if I am going to rest then I need to sleep. Shall you be here in the morning when I wake?"

"I have details that need working out about the next game," Commodus told her. "I do not know if I will be here, but do not fret, you need your rest, Livia. Just rest and sleep, my love."

…

Commodus found Livia still sleeping, even after his meeting with the Senate. He had met with Senator Falco in an attempt to discover the best way to deal with Maximus. He had seen to it that a gladiator who had never been defeated was his next opponent. Commodus was certain he would be rid of Maximus then and all of his problems would have been forgotten. He would be Emperor with no challenging him. Livia would not longer question him. That was what he needed.

It was almost noon when he returned and found Livia still sleeping in bed. Her hair was askew on the pillow and stuck to her face. Her lips were parted softly and she was breathing steadily. She had a hand dangling over the side of the bed while her other hand was stuffed under her pillow. Commodus simply watched her for a few moments, wondering how many hours she had been sleeping. It must be around sixteen.

He sat down at his desk and decided to do some work instead of waking her. He began writing, often turning his head over his shoulder to see his wife. She shifted in her sleep a few times, rolling onto her back. He smiled as he saw her, knowing full well that she must be exhausted. It was another hour before she even stirred.

"What time is it?" Livia wondered, her voice groggy as she managed to push herself to her elbows, blinking profusely as her eyes adjusted to the light. "I thought that you had business to attend to?"

Commodus chuckled and he moved to his feet and stalked towards the bed. Perching down on the side of it, he moved a hand to tuck her hair behind her ear.

"I have attended to business and returned," Commodus informed her in a soft voice. "You have been sleeping for hours, Livia. It is almost noon."

"No," Livia said and she sat up straight then as Commodus chuckled at her reaction. "Commodus, why did you not wake me? I should not sleep for so long."

"You should sleep for as long as is needed," Commodus informed her in a gentle voice. "Livia, you have hardly been sleeping and I know that. You needed to sleep."

"This is lazy," Livia mumbled and flopped back onto her back. "The issue is that I still wish to sleep."

Commodus did chuckle then and he bent down, kissing her chastely as he allowed his lips to brush over hers. He watched her for a few moments and moved to his feet. Livia looked over to him as she remained on her back.

"Do you have business to attend to?"

"Alas, I do," he responded to her. "I hope to return soon, however."

"I shall dress for the remainder of the day," Livia said. "When will you be back?"

"Soon," Commodus answered her. "Remember to rest, Livia."

…

Livia had finished dressing for the day before she found Lucilla. But Lucilla was not alone. As soon as she heard voices in the distance, she slowed her pace down. She loitered for a few moments, listening in as she heard Lucilla and someone else. It took her a couple of moments before she became able to decipher their words, her brows arching and her forehead creasing.

"He is not fit to rule. We both know that."

"But he is Emperor."

"The people continue to suffer," a voice that sounded like Gracchus spoke. "The people do not adore him as he had hoped. His popularity is shrinking, my Lady. He is too consumed with revenge."

"Then what do you suggest we do?" Lucilla enquired.

"I do not know," Gracchus admitted.

"I have a man," Lucilla whispered. "I have a man who will help us. If you agree to meet with him then we can discuss the best course of option. Rome cannot continue like this. We cannot allow Commodus to continue his rule."

"And his wife?" Gracchus enquired. "She has always been the one who we thought would be helpful. She has always been the one he listened to."

"Livia is not to be involved in this," Lucilla said in a small voice, but her tone was harsh. She spoke with determination and Livia chewed down on her lip. "Livia, despite everything, loves my brother. She loves Commodus and she carries his child. We are not to put her in any danger."

"I agree," Gracchus spoke. "However, we need to consider the future, Lucilla. Do you think that Commodus would stand aside without a fight? Do you think that he would go willingly?"

"I believe that…" Lucilla trailed off. "I do not know," she finally answered. "If he were not to be harmed then perhaps. If he can live out the rest of his days peacefully with his wife and child then perhaps that will be enough for him."

"And if not?"

"Then we worry about that when we need to."

It was then when they bid their goodbyes and Livia emerged from her hiding place. Her eyes rested on Lucilla as the woman looked to her. Her mouth gaped and her eyes widened as she watched her, seeing her face clouded with anger. Livia shook her head back and forth.

"What are you doing, Lucilla?" she demanded.

Lucilla moved with haste then, grabbing hold of Livia by the arm and dragging her away, pulling her down the corridors until they were alone once again on a balcony. Livia looked to her, waiting for an explanation before Lucilla sighed.

"Commodus is not fit to rule," Lucilla informed her. "He is causing nothing but suffering, Livia, and he refuses to acknowledge it."

"Why did no one come to me?" Livia demanded. "I could speak with him."

"He cannot be reasoned with, Livia," Lucilla responded forcefully. "Everything that he is doing is wrong. He…he is not fit to rule."

"Stop it," Livia snapped harshly. "Do you not see what this is doing to him? His father did not think him worthy and now you stand here and you question him. He is young, Lucilla. He has never ruled before. He is still new. Why do you not raise your concerns with him?"

"Because he will not listen!" Lucilla snapped, trying to keep her voice under control. "Commodus is beyond reasoning with, Livia. He is a different man to the one you see. All that you witness is the man who cares for you-"

"-Because that is him," Livia interrupted her. "He is not the man who you make him out to be. He is insecure…he just wants to be loved. Do you know how hurt he will be if he discovers you were attempting to overthrow him?"

"Livia-"

"-No," Livia snapped, her voice harsher than Lucilla had ever heard it before. This was no longer the meek little Livia she knew. This was a different woman. This was a woman full of determination. This was a woman who would defend her husband so fiercely that nothing else mattered. "You are to forget about this plan. You are to tell Senator Gracchus that it was nothing but a foolish ideology. Gracchus will tell me what it is the Senate requires. I will work with Commodus to make certain it happens. Otherwise, what do you think shall happen?"

"He is dangerous, Livia," Lucilla said, feeling tears form in her eyes as she longed to tell Livia what had happened. She longed for her to discover the truth.

"I am beginning to think you might be too," Livia said and she turned on her heel and left.

…

Looking to her husband, Livia traced the contours of his face, her fingers skimming along every curve and angle as she watched him sleep peacefully. She had not told him of Lucilla's earlier conversation with her. She did not want him to know. Ignorance would be best for him. He had been hurt enough in the past that Livia did not wish to see him hurt again. Instead she had spent the night simply content in his hold.

"Hmm," Commodus hummed as he awoke, the candles still lit and the moonlight pouring in. He opened his eyes after a few seconds and Livia continued to stroke along his cheek. "Livia, why are you awake?"

"I was just thinking," she responded in a whisper.

"What of?" he enquired from her.

"Everything and nothing," she responded and Commodus allowed his lips to quirk as she smoothed his hair back from his forehead.

"You intrigue me as always, my love," Commodus said, closing his eyes and shifting slightly until he was able to wrap Livia into his arms.

"My thoughts are hardly intriguing," she lied to him before shifting in his arms, her fingers going to tuck his hair behind his ear as he remained silent, his lips parted gently as he breathed shallowly. "I was just thinking that it might be time for me to come with you to the Senate tomorrow…to discuss things."

Commodus did open his eyes then, a brow arching. "Why?"

"You once said that you wanted to rule with me by your side," Livia responded. "Do you still want that?"

"Of course," Commodus responded. "But I want you to rest too, Livia."

"I am fine," Livia said to him. "Besides, I want to help, Commodus. Please, just let me come with you. I fear that I may go mad with boredom if I stay in this chamber for much longer."

Commodus could only nod as Livia smiled softly and moved to press her lips against his, kissing him chastely. She let her lips move back to linger against his as Commodus moaned softly, a hand going to tangle into the back of her hair. She pulled back after a second and looked him in the eye.

"I do love you, Commodus," she whispered in a gentle voice to him. "Despite our arguments…despite everything…I love you."

"I doubt I will ever tire of hearing you say that."

"I am glad," Livia said with a smile as Commodus went back to kissing her. She spent the rest of the evening too busy wrapped up in her husband to consider Lucilla and her plan with Gracchus. She would not let them destroy her husband. She could not let them destroy him. She would prove them wrong. She would prove all of them wrong.

…

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	21. Chapter 21

Livia had gone with her husband to attend the meeting in the Senate the following day. Commodus had walked with her on his arm and there had been hushed whispers echoing through the Senate once she had entered. She turned to scan the faces of the men, knowing that she was out of place. Yet, she failed to care. She was there to prove them all wrong. She was there to show that her husband, despite being young, had the makings of a good Emperor.

Commodus had dressed for the day in his fine purple tunic, adorned with his bronze armour. Livia had opted for a green stola after Commodus informed her that it made her eyes gleam. She had kissed him chastely following the compliment and smiled once he had taken her hand and walked with her by his side.

Sitting in the meeting hall, Livia could feel her husband next to her. He had also taken a seat, picking up her hand and kissing the back of it. Her eye caught Gracchus and she wondered if he knew what she had heard the previous night. Had Lucilla managed to speak with him? Did he still harbour ill feelings? Livia watched him as he studied her back.

"My lady," he spoke and the whispers died down as business began to take precedence. "I have to say it is a joy to see you in here. The Emperor had informed us that you had been taken ill."

"I am glad to be here," Livia said in response. "I am hoping that my illness has passed…well…the worst of it."

"And from all of us here, we wish you and your child the very best," he spoke and Livia smiled, her hand going to her stomach as she looked to Commodus and he looked back with a forced smile. She knew how he hated the Senate. She knew how he did not trust them after everything they had done. He could not look past the fact that they had conspired to have him marry someone else and make Livia his mistress. He would never forgive them.

"Thank you, Senator Gracchus."

"No doubt you wish to hear of our business?"

"Indeed," Livia said.

Gracchus nodded his head then and looked to Livia as Commodus remained uncharacteristically quiet. Commodus had looked to Falco, nodding to him as the other Senator nodded back. He knew that so long as he had Falco in his pocket then he could keep control over the Senate. He had spies everywhere making certain that no one spoke out against Commodus. It was another moment before Gracchus spoke, reading from a scroll.

"The games are costing Rome a fortune," he spoke and Commodus felt his glare increase as Gracchus continued to read from the parchment. "We must introduce new taxes in order to pay for them, however, we cannot continue to sell our reserves of grain in order to pay for them. The people will be starving in two years should this continue."

"Then what is it you suggest, Gracchus?" Commodus enquired from the man and Livia's brows knitted together as she looked to her husband, wondering if he was truly selling off grain to pay for the games. It took her a moment before she shook her head, wondering just what Commodus was thinking as he moved to his feet and looked at the Senator. "The people love the games."

"The people need food, sire," the Senator spoke.

"What tax do you suggest?" Livia enquired, moving to her feet in an attempt to stop the situation from turning worse than it was. She took hold of her husband by the arm as he looked down to her and she kept her gaze on Gracchus. "We cannot increase taxes for the poor; that would hardly be fair on them."

"If you increase taxes for the rich then they would complain too," Commodus spoke.

"Let me clarify; I trust not enough grain is being produced for the population if we continue to sell it off, correct?" Livia spoke.

"Correct," he said in a nod.

"And is there no other way we can produce grain? Are there no spare fields? I have seen the villas on the outskirts of Rome. I have seen the land they possess. Perhaps that is the key? Perhaps we grow more grain in return for lowering their taxes for use of their land? In the meantime, we increase taxes by only a fraction, making certain that people do not suffer, and stop selling as much grain as we are. We increase production of grain by harvesting as much land as possible."

Gracchus seemed to consider what she was saying then. The Senate whispered lowly and Livia looked around for a brief second. Her eyes flickered up to Commodus and he continued to look straight at Gracchus. The anger clearly had not subsided from his features as Livia squeezed his arm in her grip, urging for him not to lose his focus. It took her a few seconds before she let out a deep breath and Gracchus nodded.

"We can see if that would be viable, my Lady," he said and Livia nodded.

"Excellent," she responded.

"Your wife has proven to be quite the intellectual, Caesar," Gaius spoke up as he looked to Livia, wondering what her father would say if he could see her now. Would he be proud? No doubt he would have adoration for the courage that his daughter showed. She had always been able to prove herself when needed. She had show that recently.

Commodus looked to Gaius, wondering if there were deeper meanings behind his words. But he fixed a smile onto his face and nodded his head, the golden crown around his head shifting slightly as he arched his brows.

"My wife is, indeed, full of intelligence," Commodus spoke. "Now, if there are no other matters then we shall take our leave. I trust you all to be able to cope with my wife's recommendations."

"Of course, Caesar," Gracchus said, a sly smirk on his lips as he watched the young Emperor turn away with Livia following him.

Livia kept her fingers inside of her husband's as he squeezed them tightly and she tried to slow his pace down, but he was marching ahead. Livia only complained once they had come to a halt in the same room just behind the Senate where she had been the first time she had met with them.

"Commodus, you are hurting my hand," she complained once they were alone.

Dropping her fingers, Commodus turned to look to Livia. "Was it your intention to make me look like a fool in front of the Senate, Livia?" he demanded from her.

Livia's brows knitted together out of confusion as her husband stood before her, his hands by his sides and his eyes glaring down to her. All that he saw was a look of hurt as he spoke to her and he knew the answer to his question. He knew it before he had even truly asked it. Livia did nothing to hurt him. She did nothing but love him and try to help him.

"Commodus, I would never do such a thing," she said and Commodus sighed, trying to control his anger as he saw her continue to watch him. "I did not know that grain was being sold to fund these games. You need to think of the people and the future of Rome. The people might love the games now, but if they discovered they would starve in two years then they would turn on you."

"And do you think that I was not able to control what the Senate wanted? Do you think that I would not have found a solution?"

"I do not know," Livia shrugged. "Commodus, it was never my intention to make you look foolish. I just wanted to help you. I wanted to help Rome…prove that, together, we can make a difference. Is that not what you wanted too?"

Commodus softened then as he felt her take hold of his fingers once more, entwining hers with his as she silently urged him to look at her. He kept his gaze even, his thoughts on what had just happened as Livia moved her hand to his cheek, stroking it softly.

"I am your consort, am I not?" she wondered from him.

"You are."

"Then permit me to help you," she urged him in a gentle voice, doing her best to snap him out of this haze he had found himself trapped in. "Allow me to help, Commodus. If you do not wish for me to speak in the Senate then fine, but allow me to help and give my thoughts."

"There should be no Senate," Commodus said and Livia blinked profusely, wondering why they were still talking. He looked down to his wife as he moved a hand to her chin, his thumb roaming her bottom lip as he pulled it from her top lip. "There should just be me and you looking after Rome."

"Commodus, that is obscene," Livia spoke as he continued to let his thumb rest on her lip. "We need the Senate to tell us what is happening."

"I would dissolve the Senate, Livia," he said. "The people should not allow them to rule on their behalf. What do they know about the common life in Rome?"

"What do we know?" Livia retorted back. "The Senate has its uses. I know you do not trust them, but trust me, we cannot dissolve the Senate without facing any repercussions."

Commodus shook his head. "Livia, I listened to you in that meeting. You spoke more sense than any of those in there ever could have. The Senate is filled with snakes…men who do not wish to see a change for Rome…men who we cannot trust. You, my love, put all of them to shame just now. You are the only counsel I need."

Livia scoffed at that, moving his hand from her face as she kept hold of it in her fingers. "I do not know about that," she said with a shake of her head. "Commodus, listen to me, do not act hastily. Do not act brashly. Think about this…think about how you can use the Senate to your advantage. Please?"

"I have thought long and hard, Livia," Commodus spoke.

"Then just think a little longer," she urged from him. "Think about what I told you the first time. Please, my love, it is as you say. It is you and me…you have my counsel…you want my counsel…please heed it."

Commodus nodded then, a solitary breathless laugh coming from him as he bent down, kissing his wife slowly as he pulled her lips between his and he watched her with intrigue as she closed her eyes and moaned against his lips. Pulling back after a second, he brushed his nose against hers.

"Darling, Livia," he whispered sweetly. "What would I be without you?"

"We will never have to find out," Livia said and kissed him once more.

…

Livia had finished readying herself on the morning of the games. She had been told how Maximus was due to enter the arena once more, facing a gladiator who had been in retirement. Somehow Commodus had persuaded him to come out of retirement, however. Livia was apprehensive, to say the least. She was still wondering if she should find a way to speak with Maximus. But she didn't.

"Livia, I need to speak with you."

Livia almost sighed as Lucilla entered her chambers. She was grateful that Commodus had gone to speak with Falco after indulging his wife's insatiable need for him that morning. Livia had blamed it on her pregnancy once she had finished, collapsing in his lap and against his chest as he kissed her sensually. She could feel a flush come over her face as she thought back to it.

"Lucilla, I do not have time-"

"-Gracchus told me what happened," Lucilla interrupted. "Is it true? Did you manage to make Commodus see sense?"

"Why do you insist on doing this?" Livia demanded from Lucilla. "Why do you insist on speaking as though Commodus is a bad man?"

"Livia, if you knew-"

"-Livia, sweetling, we need to go."

Commodus entered his chambers unannounced, his eyes widening as he saw Lucilla stood by his wife. Turning to look to her brother, the two siblings eyed each other with more contempt than they had felt in a long time. Neither of them said anything, however, and Livia took it upon herself to speak.

"I asked Lucilla for her help in fixing my hair," Livia said with haste as her husband arched a brow in Lucilla's direction.

"Is that right?" he enquired.

"Yes," Lucilla spoke, "but I find that Livia always looks more natural with her hair hanging free."

"Which is a good job as I dismissed my handmaid earlier this morning," she spoke and Commodus did smirk then, remembering how the maid had almost walked in on the two of them in the throes of pleasure. Shooting her husband a sly smirk, Livia remembered too and she hoped she had managed to change the topic.

"Indeed," Commodus drawled lowly. "Lucius is waiting for you, Lucilla. We will be with your shortly."

"Of course, brother," she said and left the chamber as Livia draped a shawl over her shoulders and looked to Commodus, smiling as he watched the door close behind her. Moving to his wife, Commodus took hold of her by the hands.

"Lucilla has been meeting with Senator Gracchus behind my back," Commodus spoke in a hushed voice and Livia's eyes went wide, trying to act surprised as she watched her husband for a few seconds while he spoke. "Falco informed me that the two of them had been caught whispering behind closed doors together."

"I am certain it is nothing," Livia said, squeezing his fingers.

"Do you truly think that?" he wondered from her. "I do not trust Lucilla, my love. She looks at me with contempt now. I think she is plotting, Livia."

"No," Livia said with haste. "Commodus, perhaps you simply need to speak with her? When was the last time you both truly conversed together? She is your sister. Why would she plot against you?"

"She does not trust me," Commodus whispered and Livia tried not to let her features betray her. "I can sense it."

"Talk with her," Livia urged in a soft voice. "We will talk with her tonight and after the games. Please, do not think the worst in your sister."

Looking down upon his wife, Commodus gulped as he moved a hand, letting the back of it stroke her cheek softly. "How do you see the good in everyone?"

"Because there is good in everyone," she responded and Commodus felt a some kind of smile take hold of his face as he nodded his head. Would she say that if she knew what he had done? Would she be so forgiving and understanding? Looking down to her, he bent down and kissed her, his lips lingering over hers.

"We shall do it your way," Commodus informed her. "Come, my love, the games are about to begin."

Taking his hand, Livia could only hope that Lucilla had not be foolish and met with Gracchus again. She wanted to protect her. She had to protect her. She just didn't know how if Commodus discovered the truth.

...

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	22. Chapter 22

Sitting besides her husband, Livia kept her hand inside of his as they watched the games. They had entered the Coliseum and Livia had noted how Maximus had caught her eye as she stood besides Commodus and he refused to acknowledge his Emperor. Looking to Livia, Maximus wondered if she knew anything yet, but she seemed content by her husband's side as he bent down to kiss her. Livia had looked to him, her eyes narrowed and her brows knitted together. He managed a small shake of his head, longing for her to know the truth.

Did she truly think of him as a monster? Maximus had known her as a child. He had spent hours with her and teaching her how to do things that no one else would. He had taken her fishing. He had let her watch him train. He had walked with her on his shoulders and played Legionnaires with her.

But he knew that she wasn't a little girl anymore. She was a grown woman with a child of her own on the way. She was married to a man who she thought was nothing like the man she had known. He was putting on a front for her. He was lying to her. Maximus was certain of that. If Livia knew the truth then she would not be with him willingly. She would be angry. She would be disgusted. He knew that.

Maximus had watched on as she took her seat next to Commodus. The Emperor whispered something into her ear and she smiled before he kissed the side of her temple. He kept hold of her hand and went back to looking to the fight that was about to take place. Livia had done her best not to wince as the fight commenced.

Her eyes had gone down to Lucilla and she knew full well that the woman was worried. She still had feelings for Maximus. Livia knew that. She was trying to hide them, but as soon as a tiger leapt from the ground, men holding it struggling to contain it, Lucilla was clinging onto the sides of her seat tightly, her knuckles turning white. Livia chewed down on her lip as she watched her, wondering if Commodus had noted his sister's reaction.

Livia even had to admit that she was struggling to watch the scene unfold. She often looked away, her gaze moving to the crowd as she watched them baying for blood. She didn't know how long had passed before she felt Commodus's hand squeeze tightly onto hers. Looking up to him, she saw his face and it looked like thunder. Moving her other hand to rest on their entwined ones, she saw him look to her.

"This is not what should happen," Commodus said, referring to the fact that Maximus had somehow defeated the Emperor's champion. "He should not be winning…this should not be what happened…"

"Sweetling, these are the games and you know that Maximus is a strong competitor. We both know that," Livia said to him.

"I need him dead," Commodus snapped. "I need him dead and no one is killing him. Perhaps I might need to take this into my own hands."

"How?" Livia enquired from him. "Commodus, please be rational."

"I am," Commodus responded.

It was then when the crowd began chanting, urging for the Emperor to give his verdict and have the gladiator killed. The chants of 'kill' echoed throughout the arena and Livia watched on as Commodus moved to his feet, dropping his hand from hers as Livia moved to her feet and remained stood by her chair. She looked on as Commodus stepped forwards and Lucilla clung tightly onto her seat as Lucius stood by his mother's side.

Moving his fist out to the side, Livia watched with intrigue before he gave the thumbs down, indicating that Maximus should kill the gladiator. But Maximus didn't do that. He tossed his sword to the side and the crowd went silent. He was defying his Emperor. He was openly defying Commodus. Livia gaped as Commodus seemed to grow with anger. She was about to reach out to him as the crowd began to cheer then.

"Maximus the Merciful!" one man yelled out before roars echoed throughout the arena and everyone began cheering for Maximus.

Livia saw Commodus's face falter. He looked hurt. He looked angry. He held a range of emotions. She said nothing as she saw him storm down towards the arena floor. Livia moved to the front of the stand and looked down her eyes catching Maximus as he looked back up to her. It took a few moments before she wondered if she saw something in his eye. He looked as though he was pleading with her to understand.

Maximus kept his gaze on Livia until Commodus made his appearance known, acknowledging the crowd with a nod of his head, but the crowd were there for Maximus. He was their champion. He was their hero. Livia closed her eyes for a second and looked away as Maximus also looked to Commodus as the Emperor's guard surrounded them, keeping him protected.

"You just won't die," Commodus sighed to Maximus, looking to him as he stepped closer to him. "We are not so different, you and I, Maximus. We are very much similar. You take a life when you have to and I do the same."

"I have only one life to take."

"Then take it now," Commodus hissed and Maximus let his lip curve upwards into a sneer and smirk. He shook his head as Commodus stood inches from him, the two men talking in hushed tones so that no one could hear them.

"Challenge you in front of your guard?" Maximus enquired. "I know better than to do that. I know exactly who you are…besides…I have honour. I have no intention of killing you before Livia knows the truth. I take it she doesn't know anything judging from how she was with you?"

"Livia knows the truth," Commodus said with a shake of his head.

"She knows your version of the truth," Maximus responded with a firm shake of his head. "If she knew that you had killed my wife and son then do you think that she would stay with you? Do you think that she would love you?"

It was then when Commodus let fear flicker across his face and Maximus saw it. He saw the fear on his face and Maximus knew his weakness. He bit down on his tongue for a moment before speaking, stepping closer to Commodus as he looked him in the eye, his gaze harsh and unrelenting.

"How do you think it would feel?" Maximus demanded. "To have the ones you love snatched from you?"

Commodus almost looked worried again then, his eyes widening before narrowing as he let his hands ball into fists by his side. He seethed lowly, his lip turning up out of anger.

"Was that a threat?"

Maximus stood up tall and shook his head. "If you even think that I would hurt her then you are more foolish than I had thought," Maximus said. "But she will discover the truth. She will know exactly what you are before I have my revenge."

"You will go nowhere near her."

"Perhaps not, but the truth will come out," Maximus said. "And when it does, the time for honouring yourself will be at an end, highness."

…

Commodus was in a foul mood and Livia knew it. He had returned to their chambers that night, pacing up and down as he remained in nothing but a simple tunic. Livia was perched up in the bed, her back resting against plumped up pillows. She watched as he continued to pace, her eyes following him.

"I cannot have him killed now," Commodus complained, his voice bordering on hysteria as he looked to Livia. "If I kill him now then I am the monster. The people love him more than they love me, Livia. The people have taken his side. I cannot be rid of him."

Livia said nothing, not entirely certain what she was feeling as she looked to her husband. Chewing down on her bottom lip, it took her a few seconds before she reached a hand out to him.

"Commodus, come here," she urged from him in a gentle voice. He moved towards her, taking her hand inside of his as he lowered his lips to kiss the back of her hand, his lips brushing over her knuckles. He sat down on the edge of the bed, bowing his head down as her free hand went to stroke back his soft curls from the top of his head. "Please, Commodus, do not worry yourself over this."

He looked up to her then, peering at her through wide eyes as she saw the tortured expression on his face. "You do not understand, Livia," Commodus said with a firm shake of his head. "Maximus wants to make me suffer. He wants to ruin everything I have. He would take you from me. I cannot have that, Livia. Do you not see?"

Livia moved with haste, cupping his cheeks in her hands as she looked him in the eye. "My love, no one is taking me from you," she said in a gentle voice. "Commodus, I married you because I love you. I will always love you. Nothing shall change that. No one is going to tear us apart. Do you understand me?"

Commodus looked her in the eye then, nodding his head as he moved forwards, his lips sweeping over hers as she closed her eyes and groaned lightly, moving her arms to rest over the back of his neck as he lowered her to the bed, managing to hover over her so as not to hurt the babe in her stomach. He continued kissing her, the motion frantic and needy as Livia groaned against him, feeling his lips trail down her neck, nipping at the skin and greedily letting his hands roam her body.

"My sweet, Livia," he cooed. "My darling, sweet, Livia…no one understands…no one but you…my love…my darling."

Livia closed her eyes as she offered her husband the comfort he needed. But she knew that there was something else. It had been lurking in the deep pit of her stomach for a while. She didn't know what more she could do. She didn't know who to ask. But she had to know the truth. She had to know why her husband was so scared of Maximus. She needed to know what happened to the soldier she remembered from her childhood.

Night fell over Rome and once Livia and Commodus were sated, she offered to make him a tonic to help him sleep. He took it gratefully after she had promised that she would wake in his arms. She had listened to him sleep for a while, her eyes moving over his face as she brushed his unkempt hair from his face. It was only once the moon was high did she move, changing into a simple stola before moving from the chamber.

His guard stood watch over the chamber and she informed them that her husband slept soundly while she needed some fresh air, a feeling of nausea passing through her. She made her way to Lucilla's chamber, knocking on the door gently. It didn't take long before Lucilla opened the door, her eyes widening at the sight of the visitor in front of her.

"Livia," she spoke her name calmly. "What brings you here in the middle of the night?"

Livia arched a brow. "The middle of the night while you are still dressed and shielded with a cloak? Where are you going, Lucilla?"

Lucilla gulped but then nodded her head. Livia deserved the truth. This was all coming to a head. She knew it. She knew that soon enough their plans would come to fruition. It was the way it had to be.

"To see Maximus," Lucilla said, not bothering to lie as Livia nodded.

"Then I want to come with you," she spoke.

Lucilla allowed herself to look shocked at that, her brows knitting together a sshe frowned. "Commodus…he…he would not be happy."

"He sleeps soundly," Livia said. "Lucilla, I do not know what is happening or what you are keeping from me, but I sense there is more to this than you thinking that Commodus would not make a good Emperor. Why would you go to Maximus if that was your only concern? I…the feeling that something is wrong has been plaguing me for a while. I need to hear the words from Maximus. I need him to tell me what is happening."

Lucilla gulped. "Livia, I…I do not know if this is wise."

Livia scoffed. "I am gone past caring, Lucilla," she said. "I saw how Commodus acted today. I saw the fear in his eyes. I saw the worry on his face. I want to know how Maximus has made him feel this way."

Lucilla took a moment before nodding. Grabbing hold of Livia's hand, she squeezed it tightly. "Come with me," she said. "But just remember that I have only wanted the best for you…to protect you like my own sister…that is all I ever wanted."

….

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	23. Chapter 23

Looking to Maximus, Livia wondered exactly what she felt as she watched him. It took her a few moments to gather herself. Their eyes met and she saw something inside of him. It almost looked like sorrow and pity. His eyes briefly danced down to her stomach and she moved a hand instinctively to rest on top of her protruding belly. Somehow, Senator Gracchus had involved himself in all of this further, despite Livia begging Lucilla not to plot with him.

Livia had discovered that Gracchus had entrusted Maximus with Rome. He was to be freed. He was to go and bring his soldiers to Rome and remove Commodus with force. Lucilla had told Livia all of this on the way to see Maximus and Livia had almost found herself turning around to go back to Commodus and tell him instantly. Yet Lucilla had dragged Livia by her side, warning her that there was more to the story.

"You have grown," Maximus said, stating the obvious as he stood in the room with Lucilla and Livia. Livia nodded.

"Well, it has been a lot of years," she managed to whisper out in a strangled voice as Lucilla remained perched on a seat.

"Too many," Maximus nodded, but his gaze flickered over to Lucilla as the elder woman bowed her head, not wishing to think of the time that had escaped her and the soldier. Looking back to Livia, Maximus inhaled a sharp breath before speaking, a sadness to his voice. "You have grown into a lovely young woman, Livia, very fair…and…I still…well…I still remember the little girl I used to carry down to the river."

Livia nodded her head. She hadn't come here to dwell on the past. She couldn't dwell on the past. It took her a few seconds before she looked away and then folded her arms over her chest. She began pacing as Maximus remained stood on the spot. He could see the anger inside of her. She was angry because she wanted to protect Commodus. She needed to protect him.

"I had to grow up," Livia finally spoke.

"As the wife of the Emperor, I do not doubt that," Maximus responded with a curt nod. "But you do not know the truth, Livia. You do not know who he truly is."

Livia stopped her pacing then and nodded her head for a few seconds, looking to the ceiling as she blinked back white, hot tears of rage. It took her all of her might to look to Maximus, turning her head to the side and over her shoulder as she saw the former general remain poised.

"I know who he is," she said with haste. "He is my husband. He is…he is a complicated man, but he is a good man. He loves me. He loves Rome. He just…he just doesn't know how to rule because he is young, but he will learn. He has a lot to learn and I vowed to help him. I will stand by his side through all of this. If you attempt to overthrow him then what shall happen? He…he does not deserve this."

"He deserves this and so much more," Maximus responded, his voice turning harsh as he took a step towards Livia. His movement was enough to make Lucilla move up from her seat, moving to stand by his side, her hand going to his arm.

"What did he do to you?" Livia demanded.

"Maximus, she is fragile," Lucilla whispered. "She is pregnant…please…"

"I am fine," Livia snapped, not wanting to be spoken of as she glowered to Lucilla and then back to Maximus. "I want the truth. I want to know why you did this to my husband."

"Because your husband is an evil dictator," Maximus snarled, unable to listen to Livia defend Commodus. He couldn't do it. He couldn't let that man hold Livia's heart. She deserved someone better. She deserved someone who would not hurt her. "Your husband has been lying to you. Why do you think he kept you from me, Livia?"

"Because he did not want me here," Livia said, shrugging. "He is overprotective."

"No," Maximus said, a firm shake of his head accompanied with grounded teeth. "Your husband has kept you in the dark because he is scared of you discovering the truth. If you knew the truth then you would leave him, Livia. You would leave him because you…despite everything…you are still that kind hearted and gentle girl I knew."

Livia moved a hand to her hip, bending slightly as she pressed a hand to her chest. "Then tell me the truth," she demanded. "Tell me why you hate Commodus so much."

"Because he murdered his father," Maximus said, snapping loudly as Livia stood up and blinked profusely, shaking her head as Maximus continued speaking. "Marcus Aurelius had a vision of Rome, Livia. He wanted Rome to become a Republic. He did not trust Commodus to rule. He never trusted him because he knew what he was-"

"-No," Livia said, holding a hand up to silence Maximus as she shook her head and began wandering around, unable to stop herself from pacing as she did her best to control her breathing, her head spinning and her mind a blur. "No…he couldn't…no…"

"Commodus killed him on the same night Marcus told him he was entrusting Rome to me," Maximus said, knowing that he had to continue. "I would not take Commodus's hand because I saw through him, Livia. I saw what he was. I saw what he had done. He wanted power. He wanted to be Emperor. He was not innocent. He was never innocent."

"He couldn't," Livia said, struggling to comprehend her thoughts as she bowed her head and Lucilla watched her pale. "Commodus would never have done that. He loved his father. He loved Marcus."

"He did it," Lucilla said in a soft voice, hoping that she could get through to Livia as she moved to her. She took hold of her by the hands, her fingers gripping hers tightly as she looked her in the eye. "Livia, I love you like a sister. I love you so much…but you need to know the truth. You need to know."

"But it cannot be," Livia said firmly.

"You wanted to know why I have been acting odd recently and this is the reason why," Lucilla said. "I have been living in fear of my own brother, Livia. I have been so scared of what he might do if you found out the truth…how he might hurt me…or Lucius…"

"No!" Livia snapped loudly, pushing Lucilla from her as she held her hands up and felt a sense of sickness pass through her. "He would never hurt you or Lucius. He loves you. He would never do that."

"Livia, he threatened me," Lucilla said. "He did not do it directly, but he threatened me."

"Then why did you allow me to marry him?" Livia snapped, her glare increasing on Lucilla as she questioned everything that she was hearing from the two people in the room with her. "Why did you give my hand to him when I married him? Why would you do that if you knew the truth? If you love me as a sister then why permit me to marry your brother if he is such a monster?"

"I know," Lucilla said in a whisper. "I regret that, Livia. I regret even letting you marry him, but I had no other choice. I told you, I am scared of him. I am scared of my own brother. I am scared of what he is capable of…what he might do…he killed my father."

"No," Livia said, still refusing to believe it, despite the fact that tears were falling down her face. "Commodus would never do that. He couldn't."

"Think about it," Lucilla urged from her. "Think of everything that he has told you. You said yourself how you did not think that Maximus wanted control over Rome. He doesn't. He wanted to go home to his family. He wanted to be free. My brother snatched that from him. Why else would Commodus want him dead so badly if he did not fear him?"

Livia dropped her hands to her hips as Luiclla watched her. She had stopped arguing and denying the allegations. Instead she found herself gasping for breath, a hand on her stomach as she bent slightly and moved to sit down on the seat Lucilla had occupied. Lucilla began to move to her, but Maximus held a hand up to her and shook his head. He took his steps slowly before kneeling before her, seeing how her tears fell down her cheeks and into her lap as she closed her eyes.

"I know this is hard," Maximus said, struggling to contain his anger. But it was not anger for the young woman in front of him. It was anger for the bastard who had lied to her. "Livia, I know that this is not easy, but it is the truth. Deep down, I think you know that. I think you know that Commodus has been lying to you. You know that…"

"But not this," Livia said, her voice hoarse. "Not…not this…"

"I know," Maximus said. "But Livia, I would not lie to you."

"Nor would Commodus," she whispered, looking to Maximus. "He promised never to lie to me."

"And in some twisted way I think that he does care for you," Maximus said, "but that does not detract from the horrors he has caused. Livia…you…he…he has what I once had. He has a wife and a child on the way. He took that from me. He sent for me to be killed because I did not take his hand and I…in a sense…I accepted that. I accepted that he would kill me to further his own agenda, but he went further, Livia."

Livia gulped then, wondering what she was about to be told as it took her a few moments to gather herself. But as soon as she was thinking rationally, she wanted to go back to thinking irrationally. When she pieced things together she understood what he had told her. But that hurt. It hurt more than not knowing. Commodus had everything Maximus had. He had used the past tense.

Horror dawned over Livia as she shook her head with haste.

"No," she whispered hastily. "No…he didn't…"

"I escaped and I found their bodies, Livia. He had them killed…burned…put on display."

"No!" Livia roared then and jumped to her feet. "He wouldn't. He would never do that. He would never have hurt them."

"He did," Maximus said, standing tall again and looking to her as she became hysterical, tears pouring down her face as she covered her face with her hands. "Livia, I found their bodies. I heard Quintus tell me how I would be reunited with them in the next life. I am not lying. I am telling you the truth and you know that. Deep down you know that."

"No!" Livia snapped loudly. "Commodus is not evil. He is not this monster you portray him as. I know him…I know that he is flawed. I know that he has done wrong before…made mistakes…but murder? Threats? That is not my husband. That is not Commodus."

"Livia, it is," Lucilla tried to speak. "Please, try to see this for what it is. It is the truth. Your love for Commodus has you blinded and I can understand that, but you know him…you have seen him…he can be volatile and possessive. He can be controlling and delusional…he is not innocent."

"None of us are!" Livia snapped back. "But that does not make him what you say he is…not m husband…my Commodus…"

Lucilla moved with haste as the young woman finally broke down. Moving to envelope her in her arms, Lucilla held her close, refusing to let her break free from her hold despite her protesting. Cradling her, Lucilla felt Livia finally weaken, her forehead resting on her shoulder as she sobbed loudly and kept on whispering 'no' and 'it can't be' into her skin. Lucilla closed her own eyes before looking to Maximus, wondering how this could ever be made right again.

…

Returning to her chamber, Livia was relieved to see Commodus was still asleep. Her cheeks were still stained and tears continued to flow silently. She had stormed from Maximus and Lucilla eventually, unable to listen to the two of them anymore. Her thoughts were plaguing her and she had felt the need to be sick. She had somehow managed to find her way back to her chamber and she had stood and watched as her husband slept soundly. The sheet pooled at his bare waist as Livia watched him.

How could he have done the things they had accused him of? How could he be so evil? He couldn't have. She refused to believe it. Instead she had watched Commodus sleep. She sat at the side of the bed and watched him sleep, wondering what she would do when he woke up.

…..

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	24. Chapter 24

Livia waited with patience for Commodus the following morning. She had changed into fresh clothing while he had slept and then moved away and towards the dining area. She had seen Lucilla and Lucius. The little boy seemed to be in his own world. He had no idea of what had happened. He did not know what his uncle had done. He did not know how his mother had plotted. He was innocent in all of this.

Of course, Livia knew that Lucilla's plan would be in action that evening. She had sent word to Gracchus that Maximus needed to be set free to ride for his men that night. In another day Maximus would be free. He would return to Rome and overthrow Commodus. He would ruin Commodus. Livia closed her eyes as she thought about it.

"Have you spoken with him?" Lucilla dared to wonder once she had sent Lucius on his way to play.

"Not yet."

"I need you to wait," Lucilla said in a whisper. "I need you not to speak with him, Livia. Please…I worry what he might do…if he might find out."

"I will say nothing of your plan," Livia said, refusing to touch the food in front of her as she watched Lucilla, seeing how the woman's face etched with worry. "But I am not pretending, Lucilla. I have been lied to by him…by you…no more. I want the truth."

"Livia-"

"-Your plot will remain quiet and covered up," Livia said through gritted teeth. "However, should it come to fruition I ask one thing of you."

"What is it?"

"I want Commodus spared," Livia said and Lucilla's eyes widened. "I want him either exiled or jailed. I will not see him die. Do you understand me?"

"Livia, if he does not come quietly-"

"-This is my demand," Livia said, not caring to listen to Lucilla and her words anymore. Enough had been said and she did not care to hear anymore. Instead she arched her brow and Lucilla sighed softly and moved to her feet. Looking down onto Livia, it was another moment before she spoke, her eyes wet and her face full of fear.

"He deserves death for what he has done," she whispered so no one could possibly overhear. "My brother is a monster. He is evil. Yet you beg for his life. You cannot be his redemption, Livia. He has no redemption."

Before Livia could even begin to respond, Lucilla had left, walking away from her.

It was then when Livia saw Quintus moving towards the room. She stood to her feet and looked to him. She had only dealt with Quintus on a few occasions, but she had found him to be a pliable man. It was another moment before she dared to nod her head, indicating for him to come to her.

"My lady," he spoke with an incline of his head.

"Tell me the truth, Quintus," she demanded from him, her voice shaking slightly. "I know that you fought alongside Maximus. I know that you remember the same man I once knew. Is he telling me the truth? Were his wife and child murdered on orders from my husband?"

Quintus said nothing then and Livia saw his face falter. It was then when she knew the truth. She did not need him to confirm it for her. Closing her eyes, she turned her face to the side as a single tear fell down her cheek.

"My lady, I serve your husband," Quintus said with haste. "But I also serve you."

"Your silence speaks for you, Quintus," Livia said. "You may go."

The guard left then and Livia stayed by herself. Livia took a moment to let out a nervous breath she had been holding in, burying her face into her hands as she felt tears begin to flow down her cheeks. Her sobs grew louder, her body shaking as she shook her head. How could he have done this? How could he have ruined everything? In that moment, Livia felt nothing but despair and disgust.

Moving to her feet, she rushed through the halls, not caring who saw her in this state. She rushed back to her chamber, opening the door wide to see Commodus awake. He was finishing dressing, placing his rings onto his fingers as he turned his gaze to his wife. The smile on his face soon fell when he saw her face. She was sobbing uncontrollably, but her expression showed nothing but rage. Commodus inhaled a sharp breath as she made her way to him and he remained perplexed.

Livia moved with haste, her fists pushing on his chest with as much force as she could muster, pushing him backwards as she roared at him, her voice loud and full of rage.

"How could you?" she demanded from him. "How could you do this? How could you ruin everything?"

"Livia…my love…please, calm down."

"I am not your love!" Livia responded, all of the rage she had held in for the past night flowing through her as she dared to move her hand, slapping him across the face as she saw his cheek turned to the side. Commodus ground his teeth together as he felt his flesh sting, his hand coming up to cup his cheek.

He felt anger boil inside of him as he turned his glare to his wife and he understood what had happened. He knew full well what she had done.

"You went to him," Commodus spoke.

"Do not turn this onto me," Livia demanded, pointing at him as her cheeks turned red. "Do not dare put any of this on me. You lied to me. You…you lied to me after you promised never to lie to me. I am your wife. Does that mean nothing to you?"

"It means everything to me and you know that," Commodus snapped at her. "You mean everything to me."

"Then why?" Livia wondered, her arms flapping by her sides as she shrugged. "Why did you do it? Why did you kill your own father? Why did you murder Maximus's wife and child…his son…you sent men to kill them…"

"You have been listening to his poison," Commodus sneered at her, shaking his head as he watched her begin to pace. "You went to him and you listened to his lies. Yet you believe them. You believe what he has told you."

"Do not do this!" Livia roared at him. "Do not think me so foolish! I went to him after you had kept me from him. Why do you think that I went, Commodus? I went because I knew you were keeping secrets from me, but never did I think it would be anything like this. Never did I dream that you could be this man…but it makes sense. I spent all night thinking about it. I spent all night wondering why you would be so desperate to keep me from Maximus…why you would be so desperate to have him killed to the point of distraction. I am tired, Commodus. I am tired of living the lie."

"And you think that I have lied to you?" Commodus arched a brow. "You believe him over me."

"I asked Quintus, Commodus," Livia snapped. "I asked him if his men had been sent to Spain and he told me they had. How many other people are lying to me? Do I need to find the guards you sent and ask them too? It seems as though there is a pattern, Commodus…everyone but you is telling me the truth."

Commodus didn't entirely know what he was going to say to her then. Words failed him as he saw his wife watch him, her eyes wide and wet. Her face was still full of anger, but there was sorrow. There was disgust. There was hurt and pain. Commodus watched her before he dared to move towards her, his hands outstretched as he tried to take hold of her, but she recoiled, moving back from him.

"Just tell me the truth for once," Livia urged from him, moving to perch on the stool at her dresser. "Just sit down and tell me the truth."

"You will leave me," Commodus said with a shake of his head. "I know you will."

"Do not put any of this on me," she snapped. "I am not going to sit here and offer you reassurances. I am not going to sit here and listen to you manipulate me."

"Then what do you want?"

"I want to know why you did this," she hissed.

"I did it for us," Commodus said, arms falling by his side as he looked to her, his gaze pleading, begging for her to see the truth. "Livia, I had no other option. When I rode for Germania I was so happy. I knew that you would be waiting for me when I returned, but then my father…he told me how I would not rule…how I was not fit to rule. He told me how I could marry you because I was not to be Emperor. He would not have let me be with you if I were to rule. That hurt me, Livia. That hurt me to know that my own father would have denied me Rome…thought me unworthy…cast you aside…I was angry, Livia. Everything had come true that I feared. My father never loved me, just as I said he did not."

Livia could hear the anguish in his voice as he sunk down onto the bottom of the bed, bowing his head and running his hands along his cheeks.

"And so you killed him?"

"I was angry," Commodus whispered. "I held him close and I couldn't stop. I felt the life drain from his body."

Livia looked away from him then, disgust running through her body as she closed her eyes. "But he gave us his blessing. Yes, you would not have ruled, but we would have been happy…we would have been together…"

"I was angry that he did not think you worthy of an Emperor," Commodus said. "I was angry that he did not love me or trust me. I was never good enough, Livia. You cannot understand how that feels. You cannot know."

"Perhaps not," Livia responded, "but you murdered your own father, Commodus."

"And I regret that," Commodus told her with a nod of his head. "I regret what I did, but I did it for us to be together, Livia. I did it for us to rule side by side."

"But I never wanted to rule!" Livia snapped. "I just wanted you. I only wanted you."

"And I you."

"Then why do this?" she shrugged. "Why did you send for Maximus to be killed? Why would you do that?"

"Because he suspected I had killed my father," Commodus said with a shake of his head. "If he had his way then he would have overthrown me, Livia. I could not have that. I could never have let him do that."

"And sending someone to murder his wife and child?" Livia continued to push.

Commodus looked away then.

"You cannot even defend that, can you?" Livia said, a fresh wave of grief coming over her as she thought about how frightened that woman and child must have been. She moved to her feet unsteadily as Commodus watched her. "You cannot even think of how to defend that. You killed them…a defenceless woman and a child…"

"I could not risk-"

"-I do not want to listen to your excuses," Livia said with a firm shake of her head. "There is no excuse, Commodus. There is no excusing what you have done."

"Everything I have ever done has been for us," Commodus said, scrambling to his feet. "I have done it for you…to keep us safe and happy."

"No!" Livia shouted then, rage boiling inside of her as she pointed to him once more. "You did this for yourself! You did this so that you could be Emperor. You did this because you wanted power…you chose to kill your father. You chose to kill Maximus and his wife and child."

"You think that I want power?" Commodus demanded from her. "All I wanted was acceptance, Livia. I wanted acceptance from my father. I wanted him to accept that I could rule Rome. I wanted him to accept that I was a good enough man to do so."

"And there might have been a time when I said he was wrong," Livia shrugged. "I would have agreed with you and not with him. I believed that you would have made a good ruler because I thought that you…that you were kind…loving…and the people of Rome would have seen that. But now I know differently…now I see someone else…someone who is not the man I married…what happened to you? What happened to the man who said that he would abandon everything for me, just as I would do for him? The man I love…where is he?"

"He is still here," Commodus said, rushing to her and taking hold of her by the hands, his grip tight enough not to let her go. He couldn't let her go. He didn't want to let her go. He needed to keep her. "Livia, I am still me. I am still the man you love."

"No," Livia said with a shake of her head. "He would never have done all of these things. He was not a murderer."

"I love you, Livia," Commodus said with haste. "Livia, I adore you…I need you…my darling…my love…I cannot let anything happen to you. I cannot let anyone ruin our marriage…our love…"

"Do you not see?" Livia demanded from him, a hand moving to his cheek, holding it softly. "No one else ruined us, Commodus…you ruined us."

Livia moved then, dropping her hand from his skin as she tried to pull her other hand from his. But Commodus's grip was tight. His fingers kept hold of her as he tugged her back to him. She continued to fight him as she saw his eyes grow wet and his teeth ground together, his jaw jutting out.

"Let go of me," Livia demanded from him.

"No," Commodus said. "I am not letting you go, Livia. You are my wife. You are mine."

"You have lost me!" Livia roared back at him. "I want to be nowhere near you. Let go of me now!"

She tried her best to push him from her, but Commodus kept his grip tight on her, his hands moving to her wrists as she continued to flail around in his hold. But Commodus was stronger. He moved with haste, throwing Livia down and onto the bed as he pointed to her, watching her hold herself up with her hands as she remained bent over the bed.

"You are going nowhere, Livia," Commodus said, his tone stern. "I am going to put this right. I am going to see to it that this is put right and we will be fine…we will be as we once were…you love me. I know that. I know you love me and you will see that everything I did was for us in time. You just need time. You need to understand."

"Just because I love you does not mean that I can forgive you," Livia whispered.

"You will," Commodus said with a nod of his head. "I am your husband and Emperor. You will honour and adore me."

"What happened to you?" Livia whispered, her voice shallow and croaky. "Why did you do this?"

"Because it was necessary," Commodus said. "In time you shall see that, Livia, and I shall give you time. I shall give you the time you need, my love."

Before Livia could even scramble to her feet, Commodus had moved with haste. He opened the door to the chamber and shut it, turning the key in the lock as he looked to the two guards stood on duty. A small and forced smile formed on his face, trying to show that everything was fine as he heard his wife begin to bang on the door, demanding for him to let her out.

"She is to stay in there and no one is to enter," Commodus instructed the men. "I will return later, but she is to be kept under guard. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sire," the men echoed in unison.

Commodus turned on his heel and began moving away from Livia's yells. He closed his eyes as he made his way through the hallways, wondering exactly how he could make all of this better. There had to be a way. He was not going to lose Livia. He would keep his wife. He would do anything to keep his wife.

…

A/N: Not many more chapters left. Do let me know what you think!


	25. Chapter 25

Lucilla found her brother just following lunch after she had spoken with Gracchus. The sun was high in the sky and Lucilla had found the afternoon heat to be too much for her. Her brother was perched in a chair in the dining hall, leant forwards with his hands clasped together. Lucilla's pace slowed down as she approached him. She saw something in his gaze. She saw something that looked troubling to her.

Livia had clearly found him. She knew the truth now and, judging by his face, he knew that she knew the truth. It took a few moments before Lucilla dared to speak, making her presence known to her brother as he remained lost in his own thoughts.

"Brother, what are you doing here?" Lucilla enquired, hands clasped in front of her as she arched her brows and her forehead wrinkled. "Where is Livia?"

Commodus did not respond. Instead he looked up to his sister and moved to his feet. Looking to her, he kept his gaze even and square. He knew that his sister had betrayed him. He knew full well that she was the one who had betrayed him to Livia. She had to have been. Judging from the pained expression on her face, he knew it to be true too.

"Livia is resting," Commodus spoke, wondering how he should approach this with his sister. "She finds herself to be exhausted. I believe that the pregnancy is taking its toll on her. Plus she went out last night. She ventured to see Maximus."

"Did she?" Lucilla asked, playing ignorance as she continued to watch her brother. "I had thought that she would be under your guard's watch."

"Apparently she dismissed them," Commodus responded. "His lies have filled her head with nonsense, yet she believes them. Tell me, sister, did she go to Maximus alone or did she have company? I know how he was your lover. I know you have feelings for him."

"Do not be absurd," Lucilla said, knowing that she had to escape her brother's gaze soon. By tonight Maximus would be free and Commodus would be angry. He would suspect her even more. But she had to escape him until then. "Commodus, my feelings for Maximus are held in the past. Regardless, I would not think of taking your wife anywhere like that…at night…I know she is pregnant and needs to be kept safe."

"I see," Commodus said.

But he knew that she was lying to him. He could sense it. He could sense her lies.

"Livia is simply not thinking rationally, Commodus," Lucilla said. "She is pregnant. She is confused. Give her time to realise that."

"If I lose my wife to Maximus's lies then I shall do everything in my power to make those who took her from me suffer," Commodus said, his eyes wide and his face full of anger and threat. It was a moment before Lucilla nodded her head, knowing full well what he was saying. He didn't believe her. He didn't trust her in the slightest. Yet she had to get away from him. She needed to stop him before he did something to her or Lucius.

"As it should be," Lucilla said and Commodus wondered if his threat had been enough of a warning. "But do not punish Livia, brother."

"I am not," Commodus said with a shake of his head. "I am giving her time for her to see sense and understand what it is that shall happen."

"And what shall happen?" Lucilla dared to wonder from her brother.

"She will love me as a wife is supposed to love her husband," Commodus responded. "She will do that again when she comes to her senses and sees that I am her truth. She will understand."

…

Commodus was beyond angry. He was fuming. He had discovered his sister's plot from his nephew. She had been foolish in speaking of Maximus as though he was the saviour of Rome in front of a child. Commodus knew then that there could be no trusting her. He had demanded for her to tell him everything that she had done and she had done that. He had held Lucius by his side as he threatened her without the child knowing. She had told him how Maximus was to escape that night. Commodus had sent his guard to stop him, demanding for him to be brought to the Coliseum. Commodus would kill him once and for all. He would end all of this.

Once he had finished with his sister, he had stormed back to his chambers to find his wife. The door had flung open as the night fell and he knew his guards would be on route to stop Maximus. He found Livia sat on the edge of the bed, hands holding her stomach. She didn't bother to turn around to face him, but Commodus was quick. He moved with haste, grabbing hold of her elbows as he hauled her to her feet and his guards closed the door, leaving him in peace with his wife.

"Did you know?" he roared at her as she tried to push him from her once more. "Did you know what they were planning?"

"Get off of me," Livia demanded, still squirming in his grip as she longed to push him from her. He was strong though, a hand moving to grip her chin, his fingers forceful as he moved his face closer to hers, looking her in the eye.

"Did you know?!" he screamed this time and Livia recoiled from him, feeling a sense of fear as she felt tears roll down her face.

He moved from her then, pushing her face from his hands and to the side with force before stepping back from her. She closed her eyes and felt the tears continue to slide down her face, wondering how the two of them had come to this. How could this have happened to both of them? It was another moment before Commodus raked a hand through his hair.

"I trusted you," Commodus said, his voice full of hurt.

"Just as I trusted you," Livia responded.

"But you would let them come and overthrow me?" Commodus checked with her. "You would see Maximus return to Rome with his army and kill me."

"No," Livia said with haste. "I asked for you to be spared, Commodus. I did not want you to be killed…exiled…jailed…anything but dead."

"You kept it from me," Commodus said and Livia felt her chest begin to ache. "You kept this from me. You stood there and never told me, yet you knew. You knew and you said nothing."

"Do you not wonder why?" she asked from him. "Commodus, perhaps this is the right thing to do? Your father wanted Rome to be a Republic. You…do you think that you should truly be Emperor, Commodus? You murdered your father…you butchered an innocent woman and child…"

"So you do not have faith in me either?"

"I had undying faith in you until the other day!" Livia snapped, refusing to let Commodus see himself as a victim to all of this. "I thought that you were simply young and inexperienced. I thought that I could help you…I thought that you would learn and one day be a great Emperor, but then I discovered the truth. I discovered the truth and all of that faith I had in you died. It died along with our marriage."

"You cannot mean that," Commodus said with haste.

"But I do," Livia said and Commodus felt his own eyes grow with tears. "What hope is there for us, Commodus? How can you expect us to be how we were when I know what you have done? My husband is a liar and a murderer. I have had time to sit here, just as you wished, but that time has not allowed me to forgive you, Commodus. It has made me grow to detest you even more for what you have done…for what you have ruined…"

"No," Commodus said with a shake of his head.

"What hope is there, Commodus?" she wondered from him. "I know everything now. I know and I can't go back to how it was. I can never go back."

"What are you trying to say, Livia?" Commodus demanded from her.

Livia shrugged her shoulders, uncertain of what she was trying to say. She didn't know. She didn't know what she was going to do. All that she could think of was what might happen that night when Maximus was due to escape.

"I do not know," Livia admitted to him. "I do not know what I am trying to say, but…do not expect me to forgive you for any of this."

"Livia-"

"-Stop it," Livia interrupted him. "I don't want to listen, Commodus. Nothing that you say is going to change my mind. I…I cannot."

"Please," Commodus said with haste, moving to her and taking hold of her by the waist, grabbing hold of her as he moved his hands up and down her sides. He saw her look down to the ground, unable to look him in the eye. He moved then, bending down until his forehead brushed hers, urging her to look at him. "Livia, please, do not say that. Please…I need you…I have always needed you…you and only you."

Livia shook her head against his. "We can't," Livia said with a firm voice. "We can't pretend or go back to how we were. That can never happen. Why did you do this?"

"For us."

"No," Livia said, moving her hands to his cheeks and holding them tightly as she felt herself begin to cry, her hands trailing down his cheeks and to his neck as Commodus kept hold of her waist. "You didn't do this for us…you ruined us by doing this…you ruined us…how could you? How could you do this? How could you do this to us? I…I love you…I love you so much and you…we could have been happy. We were so happy and we're having a baby, Commodus. Why did you do this?"

"Livia, my love, please," Commodus whispered before he saw her hold her hands up in the air and step backwards, the warmth of her body leaving his as she continued to walk back from him.

"We can't go back from this," Livia said in a small voice. "Just…do the right thing, Commodus. Do the right thing and walk away from Rome. Walk away and let Maximus go."

"No," Commodus responded with a firm shake of his head. "I will never do that, Livia. Maximus will be forgotten of by tomorrow evening. I shall see to it."

She inhaled a sharp breath then. "What have you done?" she wondered from him. "Commodus, what have you done?"

"Everything in my power to stop Maximus," Commodus said firmly.

"No," Livia said. "Commodus, do not-"

"-Do you not see?" Commodus demanded from her. "If I do not kill him then he shall kill me. There is no way that both of us will live. This is how it has to be. He has tested me for the final time, Livia."

"What are you going to do?" Livia demanded from her husband, her hands clenching into fists by her sides as Commodus stepped forwards, lifting a hand to her cheek and cupping it gently, hearing her softly exhale at the feeling of his touch. He said nothing for a few moments before he nodded his head.

"I am going to stop Maximus," he whispered to her. "I am going to do what I should have done all those weeks ago. I will fight him in the arena, Livia. I will fight him and I will win. Then the people will see me for who I truly am."

"No," Livia said with haste, shaking her head back and forth as she moved to grab his hands, holding them tightly as she stepped towards him, her eyes searching his as Commodus remained besotted with her. "Commodus, if you fight Maximus…he…if he kills you…"

Commodus shook his head, moving a hand to wipe away the stray tears down her cheeks. "You weep for me?" he asked from her. "You weep for my death?"

"You cannot do this," Livia said to him. "Commodus, you cannot go against Maximus. He would win…we both know that…we know he is a skilled fighter. He would kill you. Please, think this through. Be rational for once in your life. Do the right thing and just leave Rome. Leave here…please."

"I shall not run," Commodus said firmly. "I shall do what needs to be done."

Livia stepped away from him then, covering her hands with her mouth as she pictured what was going to happen. Commodus would fight Maximus. He would not win. Livia knew that. Commodus did not have the experience of Maximus. He was going to get himself killed. Watching as his wife moved to the balcony, her gaze set on the Coliseum in the distance as he moved behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, his hands splaying on her stomach as he spoke to her, whispering in her ear as he felt her shudder in his grip.

"Everything will be as it once was," he promised her. "I shall see to it. You…and me…and our child…I am being merciful, Livia. I am showing mercy to my sister for plotting behind my back…I am showing mercy to you for not telling me of her plots. The people will love me because of my compassion. I just need you to understand that, my love. I need you to understand that by tomorrow evening it shall be as it should be. I am not letting you go, Livia. I am never letting you go."

Closing her eyes as she felt him kiss her neck, Livia continued to sob. The only problem was she didn't entirely know who she was sobbing for anymore.

…

A/N: Do let me know what you think!


	26. Chapter 26

Livia sat next to Lucilla as the sun broke the following morning. She had changed into a dark green stola, her hair a mess around her head as she followed her husband to the dining area where Lucilla was sat. Tears stained her cheeks and her lips were slightly parted as she looked to Livia and saw that the woman's expression mirrored her own. Commodus had seen Senator Gaius stood by the balcony and he had moved to speak with him after pulling a chair out for his wife.

Livia watched the back of his head as she felt Lucilla take hold of her hand. She picked it up, her fingers holding onto hers tightly. Livia turned to look to her sister-in-law, bowing her head as Lucilla moved to comfort her. She let Livia rest her head on her shoulder, her forehead pressing against her skin as Lucilla kept a hand holding hers, her other hand stroking the young woman's hair.

"I have you," Lucilla whispered so that only Livia could hear her. "I have you, Livia."

"I can't…Lucilla…" Livia blubbered, unable to stop herself. She pulled back up to look to Lucilla, wondering just how everything was going to end.

The haze of the sun was low as Gaius and Commodus spoke. It was a few minutes before Commodus turned around and looked to Lucilla and Livia, seeing how the two women clung onto each other. His voice was low and soft as he spoke, his face seeming to show a pained expression.

"And what of my nephew?" Commodus wondered aloud. "What of his mother? Should they share her lover's fate or should I be merciful?"

Livia moved to her feet then, shaking slightly as she saw Commodus move back into the room and pass by Gaius. Livia could hardly stand to look at the Senator, wondering just what poison he had been spilling into her husband's ear. She ground her teeth together, unable to stop herself from feeling a rage build up inside of her at the sight of the smarmy Senator.

"Commodus, please," Livia said with haste. "Do not harm Lucilla."

"She went against me," Commodus spoke, looking to his wife. "Both of you decided to plot against me."

"No," Lucilla said then, her voice croaking as she looked at her brother. "Do not punish Livia for this. She did nothing. She did not want this."

"But she went along with it," Commodus spoke. "She did not warn me. She hurt me…harmed my feelings…but you, dear sister, you chose to plot with the others. You chose to hurt me. You chose to go against me. That is why Lucius will stay with me now."

Livia felt herself struggle for breath as she moved forwards, going to her husband and taking hold of him by the arm, trying to get him to see reason. But he was looking to Lucilla as his arm went to snake around his wife's waist, keeping her close by his side as he continued to speak. The words that left his mouth were not the words of the man Livia had known. They were cruel and callous. They were harsh and stinging.

"If his mother so much as looks at me the wrong way…he will die," Commodus said and Livia felt a sickening churning in her stomach. "If she decides to be noble and takes her own life, then she shall die."

"Commodus," Livia whispered in a plea.

But then Commodus turned to look down to his wife, watching as she backed away from him. The fear in her gaze was evident as she struggled to let her eyes meet his. She had seen the rage that sat there. She had seen the hatred inside of him. Backing away, she watched as he moved towards her, her back hitting a pillar as she moved no further.

"And you," he addressed his wife, "you will love me as I love you. You will honour me as you once did. You will adore me as you once did. You will provide us with an heir and secure our future in Rome."

"No," Livia said with a shake of her head as Commodus finally stood in front of her, his hand moving to squeeze her chin, forcing her tear filled gaze up to his. He looked down to his wife, seeing the fear in her face and knowing that would disappear eventually. She would see. She would understand.

"Am I not merciful, Livia?" he asked from her as he moved his hand to stroke her cheek. "Do you not see? I am being merciful. I am showing pity."

"This is not mercy," Livia whispered to him. "This is torture for Lucilla…Lucius has done nothing."

"Then he shall have nothing to fear so long as his mother does not step out of line."

"You should never have threatened him in the first place," Livia said, shaking her head as her eyes searched his and she let out a shaky breath as she allowed his hand to continue stroking her cheek softly. "I do not know who you are anymore. I do not know who you have become."

"I am your husband," Commodus said. "I am yours and you are mine. That is all there is to it."

"I may be your wife," Livia said, "but it is in name only."

Commodus moved his hand to her chin, squeezing it tightly as he forced her to look to him and Lucilla moved to her feet, standing behind her brother's shoulder as she glowered at him.

"Let her go," Lucilla demanded as Commodus's grip remained intense, his gaze unrelenting on Livia.

"I gave you everything!" he yelled at her. "I gave you all of me and this is how you repay me? You repay me with betrayal and insolence! I gave you everything I have…I gave you it all…and yet you reject it…you reject me."

"You do not see it, do you?" Livia snapped back. "I only wanted you! I did not want Rome…luxuries…I wanted you!"

"And you had me," Commodus snapped back. "You still have me, Livia."

"But this is not you," Livia said as his grip on her chin slackened slightly as she shook her head. "This is not you."

"But it is!" he yelled back at her. "Do you not see? This is what the Gods had planned. This is what I am, Livia. This is me!"

Livia looked to him, her eyes moving over his features as she bit on her tongue for a moment and then shook her head. "Then if this is you…I do not want you."

Lucilla knew that Livia had said the wrong thing. No matter how honest she was being, Commodus did not wish to hear that. Yet Lucilla knew the pain that Livia was feeling. She knew how the girl loved Commodus. She adored him. She had worshipped him. Everything had come tumbling down around her once she had learned the truth. Everything she had thought to be true had been a lie.

Commodus saw red then, his hands moving to her shoulders and squeezing them tightly as she continued to try to push him from her. But he was strong, he had her pressed against the column, his head bowed down to hers as rage clouded his vision.

"You are mine!" Commodus snapped loudly. "There is nothing to it, Livia. You are always going to be mine!"

Livia said nothing further as Commodus dropped his tight grip from her, moving away and raking a hand through his hair as Gaius looked to him, a vague sense of amusement on his features at the sight he was witnessing. He said nothing, however, choosing to lurk in the shadows.

Lucilla grabbed hold of Livia, wrapping her arms around her waist and holding her as close as she could without pressing against her protruding stomach. Wrapping a hand into the young woman's hair, Lucilla continued to hold onto her as Livia kept her arms by her sides, unable to move out of fear of what had just happened.

Looking to the two women, Commodus let out a shaky breath. "You shall both prepare yourselves for the final battle and I shall speak with you following it. Am I understood?"

Neither one of them answered as Commodus swept from the room, leaving them alone.

…

Commodus entered the jail underneath the Coliseum as he heard the crowd roar from above. His strides were long and purposeful, his armour the most grand he could find. Moving along the floor, he saw Maximus strung up in front of him. He kept his glare intense as his pace slowed while he approached him, looking around the prison as the crowd began to chant for their new hero.

"Maximus," Commodus echoed in a whisper. "Maximus."

Maximus said nothing in response. Instead he looked to the Emperor and knew that this was how it was going to end. The both of them fighting each other.

"The general who became a slave…a slave who became a gladiator…and the gladiator who defied an Emperor," Commodus spoke with a nod of his head. "It is a striking story, but the people want to know how the story will end. What better ending than fighting the Emperor himself?"

Maximus said nothing. Instead he sneered, his lips curled as his mouth then formed a smirk.

"Do you think I am afraid?" Commodus demanded as he saw Maximus look anything but frightened.

"I think you have been afraid all of your life," Maximus said, "but now I see that you're even more afraid of what will happen out there because you know, despite everything, you have lost. You have lost the one thing you have ever truly wanted."

Commodus ground his teeth together and shook his head. "She loves me."

"Perhaps," Maximus said, "but she will never want you, just as your father never wanted you to rule Rome."

Commodus felt himself grow dizzy with anger then. "You loved my father, I know that," he said with a nod of his head. "Just as you love Livia and Lucilla. But Livia is mine now. She is no longer the little girl who favoured you…no longer the child you adored…she is my wife now. She is a grown woman. She is mine."

"And it is my adoration for her that will make it so difficult for me to kill you in front of her."

"You think that you shall kill me?" Commodus snapped.

"I think that it shall be easy enough," Maximus said. "You know, I knew a man who once said death smiled down at us. All we could do was smile back when we met it."

Commodus arched a brow. "And did your friend smile at his own death?"

"You should know," Maximus whispered, "it was your father."

Commodus nodded his head and he moved closer to him, arms going around him as he embraced him tightly. "Then smile for me now, brother," he spoke and he drove the small dagger into Maximus's side, watching as the man winced in pain and Commodus pulled back, concealing the blade once again. He looked to Quintus as Maximus continued panting for breath.

"Conceal the wound and strap on his armour," he demanded before turning on his heel and leaving, knowing that this was the only way he could defeat Maximus.

…

Livia could not stop shaking as she sat in her chair in the Coliseum. The seat next to her, reserved for the Emperor, was empty. She had looked to it, her eyes watering and wide as she tried to control herself. Commodus had ordered his guard to escort Livia and Lucilla to the Coliseum, but the two women were unable to do anything. Both of them were too full of worry and fear. Lucius had tried to ask his mother what was wrong, but she had insisted she was fine.

It was only when the two men made their appearance, surrounded by Commodus's guard did Livia move from her seat. Rose petals fell around them from the crowd, the noise too much for Livia to bear. She stumbled forwards to the edge of the steps, leaning against the stone ledge as the guard kept Commodus and Maximus covered. Lucilla moved to her feet, looking down as the guards parted and rushed away, giving the two men space to commence their fight. Commodus lifted his arms into the air as the crowd cheered and he walked around.

"He can't do this," Livia whispered, tears streaming down her face as Lucilla held her around the shoulders. "I can't let him."

"It is too late, Livia," Lucilla said.

"It can't be."

But then it was. Their blades began to swing and Livia watched on as the two men's swords clashed together. Covering her mouth with her hands, Livia felt her fingers grow wet from her tears. Fear took hold of her as she saw Maximus seem to stumble but recover with haste, enough to get Commodus on the back foot. The two men parted then, looking to each other before Commodus lunged forwards, blades clashing once more.

It was only when Livia saw Maximus manage to push Commodus to the ground did she shriek into her hands. It was another moment before Commodus responded, cutting Maximus down his leg before he lunged at him again. But Maximus was quick. He blocked the movement and managed to push Commodus back, slicing his arm and causing him to drop his sword.

"No," Livia said firmly and moved before Lucilla could stop her.

"Livia!" Lucilla yelled out, but the woman was already running away from her.

The guard didn't stop her as she moved to the staircase and ran in the direction of the fighting pit, her feet carrying her as fast as she could as she looked to the guard on the gate. He stood tall and Livia did not bother to ask him to open the gate. Instead she opened it herself as she heard her husband yell.

"Sword!" he roared. "Quintus, sword!"

But his demands seemed to fall on death ears. Commodus turned on the spot, looking at all of the guards.

"Sword! Give me your sword!"

It was then when Quintus stepped forwards. "Sheath your swords!" he demanded from them as Livia moved in between the guards into the open space where the two men were fighting. Maximus dropped his own sword, his hand stretched in front of him as Livia saw her husband move into his armour by his elbow, pulling out a dagger.

"Commodus!" she shouted his name as he finally turned to look to her, keeping his distance from Maximus. "Please…stop…"

Looking to his wife, Commodus took hold of her by the elbow and steered her away, pushing her into Quintus who, despite having disobeyed him, he still trusted to keep his wife away from the fighting.

"Keep hold of her," he demanded.

Quintus obeyed as Commodus held his dagger in his hands and advanced back to Maximus, but the former general dodged every stab that came in his direction. Livia fought Quintus as she saw Maximus finally best Commodus, punching him in the face and causing blood to splatter everywhere. Commodus crouched over, but Maximus grabbed him by the air and kneed him in the stomach.

"No!" Livia shouted out loud as she fought against Quintus, knowing she had to get free from him.

She felt his hand over her chest, keeping her body to his and she moved with haste, biting down on his hand and causing him to wince as she escaped his hold and rushed forwards, standing in front of her husband as Maximus continued to advance to him, panting for breath.

"Get out of my way, Livia," Maximus demanded from her.

"No," Livia said with haste. "Maximus…please…"

Commodus remained behind his wife, looking over her shoulder to Maximus as she stood in front of him, her body shaking and tears covering her face. Maximus looked to her, his gaze narrow and his body tired.

"You know what he did!" he roared at her. "You know what he is!"

"I know," Livia said with a nod of her head. "But please…just don't kill him…please…"

Maximus looked to Commodus then, blood still pouring down his face from his nose. "And you hide behind your wife's skirts?" he demanded from him. "You do not deserve her. You do not deserve her love."

Commodus said nothing then as he looked to his wife, his gaze set on her and he knew that he had made the biggest mistake of all time. He had ruined her. He had destroyed her, yet she stood there and begged for his life. She stood there and pleaded with the man who wanted him dead.

"Take back control over Rome," Livia whispered. "Do what needs to be done…but do not kill him…please…"

"Why do you beg for his life?" Maximus asked from her.

She closed her eyes for a second as she felt Commodus's fingers against hers, the tips of them brushing as he remained stood behind her.

"Because he is my husband," was her answer, "because I love him."

But before Maximus could respond, Commodus had launched himself forwards, refusing to back down, even as he heard his wife's screams in his ears.

…

A/N: One more chapter to go. Do let me know what you think!


	27. Chapter 27

He had to be dead. There was no other option. He had allowed himself one fleeting look to his wife as he felt everything slowly turn black. She had knelt over him, her hands cupping his face as she demanded to know why he had done this. He had heard her sob loudly, her yells echoing throughout the quiet Coliseum. He had reached out, his fingers gently and shakily moving towards her stomach. His blood covered hand reached out as he touched the swell of her stomach where their babe rested. He had looked to it before looking back to his wife's eyes.

He kept his gaze there until he closed his own eyes and felt sleep take over him.

…

Pain. He felt a great swell of pain. His mind was not his own. His thoughts were plagued. All that he could think of was the feeling of anguish and pain. He couldn't open his eyes. He didn't want to open his eyes. The pain was far too much. The horror that he felt was too grand. But he could hear voices above his own whimpers.

"He has lost blood," a man spoke.

"I know," a woman responded and he realised that this had to be hell. He had to be in hell to hear her voice…to know that she was so close…but to be unable to reach out for her. He wanted to reach for her. He wanted to take her into his arms and hold her tightly. He wanted to feel her for one final time before he was condemned to this purgatory. "Is there nothing you can do?"

"I have stitched up the wound as best as I possibly can," he responded to her. "The wound is clean and he needs to fight off his infection. He…he has a fever and he needs bed rest, but it is not safe for him here. It is not safe for either of you here."

"Then where do you suggest we go?" she wondered from him. "What do you suggest we do? He is too unwell to travel. He is too unwell to even open his eyes."

"It may be that you can be concealed and flee the city," He responded. "You need to get as far away from Rome as possible. The army search for him…and you too, my Lady."

"I know," she whispered.

He wanted to wake then. Why were they searching for his wife? What were they going to do to her? What had she done for them to hunt her? His wife was innocent. His wife was always innocent. She was the purest thing he had known.

"I cannot hide you for any longer," he said with a shake of his head. "I did this for payment, but it is now too dangerous."

"And I thank you," she responded. "No one else has dared to help."

"I know," he said, "but now I must find a way to get you out of the city."

"I think that would be for the best."

…

Sitting by the bedside, Livia held her face in her hands. She kept her eyes closed as she longed for sleep to take hold of her. It had been three weeks of constant travelling. She had spent three weeks concealed in the back of a cart to a horse. She had done everything in her power to stay strong, but she was finding it difficult. She had managed to bribe the man on the horse with some of the jewels she had taken from home.

Home. Livia almost scoffed at that word. She had no home now. The only home she had known and she had willingly left. She had fled. She had given everything up. She had done it all for him. She had given it all up for him. And now she did not know if he was going to make it through the night. He had been constantly sleeping and she had cleaned his wound as best as possible, keeping him hydrated when he had been in bouts of consciousness. Every time he had opened his eyes, he had seen her, but he had said that it could not be so. He was convinced that it was all a dream. He convinced himself that she was not there.

Truth be told, she didn't know why she was there. She had spent hours simply stroking his face, her fingers running over his cheekbones and into his soft hair. She had stared at him and wondered how he could have done what he had. Moving to her feet, Livia walked towards the small balcony overlooking the sea, a soft breeze blowing her hair from her face.

She had somehow managed to make it to the coast of Genoa where she had met a wealthy couple who made their money in farming. Livia had, somehow, persuaded them that her husband had been injured during an alteration with some travellers they had met as they travelled on their search for work. The woman had been kind. She had been kinder than any of the ladies Livia had known in Rome. She had insisted that the couple stay with them until her husband was better and healed. Livia had insisted on earning her keep in return, spending her days acting as a maid in the household.

It had felt odd for the first few days. Livia had done everything from prepare meals to clean. There was only one other maid in the household and she appeared to be quite old and tired easily.

Livia was simply grateful that the couple did not know them, nor did they question them. Unless someone had seen Commodus then they would not know his face. Livia was simply grateful for that. She had wondered if anyone had travelled to Rome to know him, but no one said anything. Livia knew that she had to keep travelling. She had to get further away from Rome. She had to keep on travelling. But she knew that Commodus was in no fit position to move and, despite everything, she could not bring herself to leave him.

As she looked out over the sea, she heard a soft gasp. Turning her head over her shoulder, she saw that his eyes were open again, his hand on his stomach as his brow sweated. Moving back into the room, Livia returned to her seat and took hold of the cloth on the table she had used to pat down his forehead. She dipped it into the jug of water before moving it over his forehead, trying to calm him.

He looked to her, his eyes wide and his face full of worry. "Livia," he gasped her name. "My Livia."

"I am here," Livia said, although her tone seemed quite curt.

"This is a dream," he whispered.

"Commodus, this is not a dream," she responded. "I am here."

"No," Commodus said firmly. "I do not deserve to live."

"Perhaps not," Livia said, refusing to pander to him as he looked her in the eye. "But for some reason the Gods decided to help you pull through this. I cannot understand why or how, but they did…and here you."

Commodus let out a sharp breath as he let his hand move out to her, reaching for the hand she had rested on the side of his bed. But she pulled her hand away, folding it into her lap as she continued to let her other hand press the cloth to his face. She said nothing, nor did she engage in conversation as she looked away. Commodus continued to let his eyes rest on her before he dared to speak.

"What happened?" Commodus enquired from her.

She let out a slow breath before turning to look to him. Her face was impassive as her eyes roamed over his face. "Maximus stabbed you in the stomach," Livia said. "You collapsed in the Coliseum as he did…he…he died there…"

There was silence then as Livia blinked back tears, remembering how he had looked at her when she had gone to Commodus. Maximus had looked so disappointed. Lucilla had then gone to him and he had spent his final moments with his former lover.

"I had Quintus and his men carry you back to our chamber, but I knew that they would never let you live for what you had done," Livia said with a shake of her head. "As soon as they had left I managed to bribe a guard with jewels from my collection you had given me. He helped me to take you to the physician who had seen me during my pregnancy. He knew where he lived as he had been the one who had been sent for him."

Livia spoke in a small voice then. "He treated you after I had bribed him for his silence and then he helped us to escape Rome…at night…concealed in darkness. He had a man who was travelling north and he took us to here," Livia said. "I asked Aelia and Appius…they own this house and made their fortune in farming, if we could rest here. You were too weak to keep travelling and they agreed. I have been working as a maid and earning my keep. They are a kind couple…nothing like the people I knew in Rome."

"Where are we?" Commodus wondered from her. "Do they know who we are? You should not be waiting-"

"-I should be dead," Livia interrupted, her voice harsh as she looked at him, her eyes wide and anger hiding behind her. "The people of Rome wanted me dead, Commodus. They know of what you have done and they believe that I worked alongside you."

"How could they even think that?" Commodus demanded from her.

"Because I entered that Coliseum and I begged for your life, Commodus," Livia snapped. "I walked into that fighting pit and stood in front of you as I begged for your life. I was the one who ordered Quintus to take you to safety during all of the commotion. I was the one who fled with you. Why would they not think that I knew? The people…they bayed for my blood…the Senate had ordered my arrest…I condemned myself by saving you."

Commodus gulped then as he heard her and saw her look into the distance. "Why did you save me?" he asked from her, his voice raw and full of wonder. "You should have let me die, Livia."

"You selfish bastard," Livia hissed as she looked at him and his eyes widened now as she threw the cloth down onto the table. "You…you think that I would have let you die? Do you think that I would have sat there and watched Maximus kill you? Perhaps I should have. Perhaps it was what you deserved after everything you have done, but I couldn't. For some unknown reason…for some reason I cannot fathom…I love you. I love you too much to sit back and watch you die."

Commodus saw the fear in her eyes then. She was scared. She was petrified. It took him a few moments before he gathered the courage to try and sit up, the sheet pooling to his waist as he made the motion and looked to the bandage on his stomach. He was completely bare, the sheet covering him as it pooled to his lap and he reached out, his hand daring to move over Livia's. She didn't move away that time. She let his fingers hold onto hers.

"I know what I did," Commodus told her. "I know that you are angry with me…upset…"

"I doubt that will ever change," Livia said, looking to him, her eyes searching his. "What you have done is unforgiveable. Why could you not simply have just left Germania and returned to Rome…returned to me…look at where you are now, Commodus. You have nothing. You do not have the title of Emperor. You do not have your family."

"I have you," Commodus said.

Livia peeled her hand from his. "I do not know if you do," Livia admitted.

Commodus's brow furrowed then as he heard her speak. "But you saved me," he spoke.

"Yes, I did," Livia nodded her head. "I love you, but that does not mean if I know…if I can do this…if I can be with you as your wife…after everything…all the cruel things you have done."

"Please," Commodus whispered to her. "Livia, do not abandon me. Everyone else abandoned me, but not you."

"You pushed them away," Livia responded in a haughty tone. "I know how much you wanted your father's love, Commodus. I knew how much that meant to you and I know that he…he did not show his care, but what you did…it was wrong. It was so wrong."

"I regret it every day," Commodus promised her. "Livia, I beg of you, do not leave me. Do not abandon us…my love for you has always been there. I have never done anything but love you…adore you…you know that. I love you and that babe inside of you. I will spend the rest of my life trying to earn your forgiveness and win you back, Livia. Do you not see? You are the only one I will ever want and I…I will prove that to you."

Livia did her best to keep calm as she listened to him, her eyes closed as she folded her hands into her lap and Commodus wondered what she was going to say to him. It took her a few seconds before she looked back to him, her eyes wide and wet as she stared at him and he dared to lean over, his hand going back to hers and holding onto it tightly.

"But that is the issue, Commodus," Livia responded to him in a gentle tone as she struggled to comprehend what could happen. "I do not know if I can forgive you. Every time I see you I remember what you did…but I remember the man I fell in love with…the man who I never thought would hurt anyone…do anything to hurt us."

"I can be that man again," Commodus told her.

"But you cannot make me forget, can you?" she responded as she felt his thumb brush over her knuckles. "You cannot make me forget what you have done."

"I cannot," Commodus declared, "but I can try to win you back. I can try to earn your forgiveness. Please, let me do that. Do not leave me, Livia."

"You need to focus simply on getting better," Livia merely said to him and she saw him shake his head.

"No, I need to focus on you," he responded. "I need you-"

"-Please," Liva interrupted, her eyes closing as she felt a tear roll down her cheek. "Can we simply not do this…not now…I cannot make you any promises. I cannot promise you anything. All that I can tell you is that…the Gods might punish me…but I still love you. I still love you and it is wrong…so wrong…but I cannot stop. I cannot stop myself from feeling this way."

"Then that is enough," Commodus spoke quickly. "That is all that I need to hear because it means that I still have a chance to make this right…for all of us…"

He moved a hand to her stomach then, his eyes fleetingly glancing down to it as Livia continued to watch him.

"I cannot make you any promises," she warned him.

"I do not expect you to," Commodus finally said. "I love you, Livia, and I will win you back."

Livia said nothing in response; instead she continued to let his hand rest on her stomach as she moved her own hand on top of it. She lowered her gaze to see their hands touching as he looked to her face. He saw the pain he had caused her. He saw all of it behind her eyes and he vowed to do everything to make it go away. He had to try. She was the only thing he had to live for.

Her gaze met his and for a moment she saw the man she had fallen in love with. She saw the tenderness in his gaze and the longing in his face. Would she ever be able to forgive him? She suspected only time would tell and, for some reason, the Gods had granted both of them just that. Perhaps they had a plan after all?

…

A/N: And that's the end. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and reviewing. It really means a lot and I hope you have enjoyed the story!


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